Dear God, woman, this is fucking stunning, simply fucking brilliant. A few tweaks and this has gone from fantastic to a masterpiece. It was an amazing experience stepping back and re-reading it now it’s up and totally perfect. Oh, and the opening scene - well - you are something else, bb, what a perfect addition!
Pike is a amazingly drawn, so himself, so MU, so fucking scary and his unique perspective on love and power and loyalty has been the making not the undoing of him. An amazing insight, by you, into human nature which just makes him leap of the ‘page’. I particularly loved this chilling little line:“McCoy.” Pike places a hand on McCoy’s shoulder and bends toward him with friendly confidentiality, as if they aren’t inches from Kirk’s naked, sweating body. “Do you play cards?”
I love this take on the MU, and you’ve made it your own, and totally coherent. I love all the little original touches, like double eagle, the hard slave labour, the abstract theory of loyalty, and the press gangs. It’s a stroke of genius to have Kirk not ‘fitting in’ to the system any more than McCoy and in such a believable way, how amazing to have McCoy not struggle, to allow himself to be seduced, and I loved the background story on both Jim and Bones.
McCoy’s voice is perfect: They find the hotshot’s craft by its tail design, a bunch of green slashes and the name Anaconda, which as far as McCoy’s concerned is what the its pilot can shove up his ass.
This is my Kirk, the one I see and wish I could write and that you always summon up so effortlessly: the way he carries himself, the way he processes his surroundings, the strangely proprietary way he looks at McCoy and he’s so fucking sexy in this, damaged and ‘perverse’ as he is.
The first kiss, the love making was incredible and memorable and I fucking loved this line:McCoy is a human being but he’s also a doctor, and a cock should hold no special mystery, but Pike made Kirk’s into one, locked it away like a hidden treasure in Bluebeard’s Castle.
The card scene was wonderful, I loved the tension, the detail, the suppressed terror which McCoy twisted into: the battle calm he’s heard Kirk describe.
And what an ending full of snark, surprises and so much love - an MU happy ending - score! And this made me lol:the last thing I want is for you to think you’re good at cards. In fact, you should never play again.”
So, here’s a proposition - you suppose we could quickly get a production company together and actually film this movie? *dreams*
Oh my goodness, sweetie--I owe you so much for this lovely comment, on top of the fact that your brilliant beta reading made it so much better than it was. You gave me so much to think about and really challenged me, especially on Pike's character and the nature of the relationships, and I am heartily grateful!
In hindsight, I'm not really sure if Kirk has "graduated" from Pike's mentorship, or if McCoy has effectively ruined him from Pike's perspective. Pike's ways are too deep even for me, apparently.
Yeah, but WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIE! My daughter could design the costumes, WE could fit them! I'd keep re-arranging Pine's thighs so they spread just like in your fic. We'd have to be really careful with the cross at the end though, that it's not all splintery. Someone would have to check his buttocks after shooting. Okay, going now...
That movie is going to be way over budget, and I dread having to explain to the studio why we had to reshoot the thigh scene 1,000 times. Part of the contract for the rights would have to be that you act as fluffer.
Pike is a amazingly drawn, so himself, so MU, so fucking scary and his unique perspective on love and power and loyalty has been the making not the undoing of him. An amazing insight, by you, into human nature which just makes him leap of the ‘page’. I particularly loved this chilling little line:“McCoy.” Pike places a hand on McCoy’s shoulder and bends toward him with friendly confidentiality, as if they aren’t inches from Kirk’s naked, sweating body. “Do you play cards?”
I love this take on the MU, and you’ve made it your own, and totally coherent. I love all the little original touches, like double eagle, the hard slave labour, the abstract theory of loyalty, and the press gangs. It’s a stroke of genius to have Kirk not ‘fitting in’ to the system any more than McCoy and in such a believable way, how amazing to have McCoy not struggle, to allow himself to be seduced, and I loved the background story on both Jim and Bones.
McCoy’s voice is perfect: They find the hotshot’s craft by its tail design, a bunch of green slashes and the name Anaconda, which as far as McCoy’s concerned is what the its pilot can shove up his ass.
This is my Kirk, the one I see and wish I could write and that you always summon up so effortlessly: the way he carries himself, the way he processes his surroundings, the strangely proprietary way he looks at McCoy and he’s so fucking sexy in this, damaged and ‘perverse’ as he is.
The first kiss, the love making was incredible and memorable and I fucking loved this line:McCoy is a human being but he’s also a doctor, and a cock should hold no special mystery, but Pike made Kirk’s into one, locked it away like a hidden treasure in Bluebeard’s Castle.
The card scene was wonderful, I loved the tension, the detail, the suppressed terror which McCoy twisted into: the battle calm he’s heard Kirk describe.
And what an ending full of snark, surprises and so much love - an MU happy ending - score! And this made me lol:the last thing I want is for you to think you’re good at cards. In fact, you should never play again.”
So, here’s a proposition - you suppose we could quickly get a production company together and actually film this movie? *dreams*
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In hindsight, I'm not really sure if Kirk has "graduated" from Pike's mentorship, or if McCoy has effectively ruined him from Pike's perspective. Pike's ways are too deep even for me, apparently.
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