Life update- I'm still alive, if you were wondering
I don't know why I've turned into such a hermit. It's a phase I'm going through, maybe. Sometimes I'm very active and community-minded and political, and then I go into periods where I withdraw from groups and don't read or talk politics and mostly I just work and come home and deaden my mind with cartoons and games that don't make me think too hard and then go to bed. Maybe it's because I've always been an introvert, and despite the fact that I function much better socially than I did as a teen or a young adult, I'm always going to need a lot of time by myself. Maybe it's a function of work stress, not wanting to exert myself overly much when I'm on my own time.
I haven't been writing, except for some desultory poking at a WIP now and again. I haven't been on tumblr in weeks- it just seems like too much to keep track of. I haven't been on #innercircle in months- I hope no one takes it personally. I miss you guys, really. I hate that no one (including me) really uses LJ any more, because right now that's more my speed. I'm realizing that's one of the things I like, is that LJ (unlike tumblr) is a medium of conversation that is very self-paced. It allows discussions and exchanges to take place over hours, days, or even weeks. The problem I have with chat is that I have a very difficult time doing one thing to the exclusion of all else. Usually I'm watching a tv show/movie, talking to one or two people on gchat, and either browsing the web or playing a game. Chat by itself doesn't fully occupy my attention, but it typically moves too fast for me to multi-task around it without losing track of the conversations going on. I do much better interacting with people one on one, on a more relaxed basis. (Which is why I'm on gchat pretty much constantly). Plus, when I'm not writing going to #innercircle tends to make me mopey about it, which leads to a sort of shame spiral. My mental problem, not anyone else's, but it creates a tendency of avoidance.
Anyway. That's all to say: I love you all, I miss you, I'm still here and I'm fine.
There is really not much going on with my life. Work is kind of stressful, mostly because I'm insanely busy most days and the summer is so far from over. I don't hate my job or anything- it's nothing like the desperate unhappiness I felt in say, juvenile division (reading my entries from that period is very illuminating). It's just most of the time I'm here, I wish I wasn't. I wake up and don't want to leave for work. To me this is mainly an indicator that I'm just tired and need a break, and I unfortunately scheduled my time off this summer (last week of August) too long after my last break (back in March). I need to decompress and the weekend is never really enough time to get to that level of relaxation. I get to feeling I'm stuck in a long hard slog of meaninglessness, and the things I have to look forward to are so distant that they don't seem real. It'll be fine, it's just difficult to live in that mindset and it's stressing me out.
I also bought an ipad. It's still a stupid financial decision and way too much money to spend on something I basically have no need for and just want to fuck around with. But I justified it to myself by financing it over 18 months interest-free. Take that, common sense. It's magically delicious and I love it to death. I'm also taking recommendations for apps/games I shouldn't have to live without. :)
I haven't been writing, except for some desultory poking at a WIP now and again. I haven't been on tumblr in weeks- it just seems like too much to keep track of. I haven't been on #innercircle in months- I hope no one takes it personally. I miss you guys, really. I hate that no one (including me) really uses LJ any more, because right now that's more my speed. I'm realizing that's one of the things I like, is that LJ (unlike tumblr) is a medium of conversation that is very self-paced. It allows discussions and exchanges to take place over hours, days, or even weeks. The problem I have with chat is that I have a very difficult time doing one thing to the exclusion of all else. Usually I'm watching a tv show/movie, talking to one or two people on gchat, and either browsing the web or playing a game. Chat by itself doesn't fully occupy my attention, but it typically moves too fast for me to multi-task around it without losing track of the conversations going on. I do much better interacting with people one on one, on a more relaxed basis. (Which is why I'm on gchat pretty much constantly). Plus, when I'm not writing going to #innercircle tends to make me mopey about it, which leads to a sort of shame spiral. My mental problem, not anyone else's, but it creates a tendency of avoidance.
Anyway. That's all to say: I love you all, I miss you, I'm still here and I'm fine.
There is really not much going on with my life. Work is kind of stressful, mostly because I'm insanely busy most days and the summer is so far from over. I don't hate my job or anything- it's nothing like the desperate unhappiness I felt in say, juvenile division (reading my entries from that period is very illuminating). It's just most of the time I'm here, I wish I wasn't. I wake up and don't want to leave for work. To me this is mainly an indicator that I'm just tired and need a break, and I unfortunately scheduled my time off this summer (last week of August) too long after my last break (back in March). I need to decompress and the weekend is never really enough time to get to that level of relaxation. I get to feeling I'm stuck in a long hard slog of meaninglessness, and the things I have to look forward to are so distant that they don't seem real. It'll be fine, it's just difficult to live in that mindset and it's stressing me out.
I also bought an ipad. It's still a stupid financial decision and way too much money to spend on something I basically have no need for and just want to fuck around with. But I justified it to myself by financing it over 18 months interest-free. Take that, common sense. It's magically delicious and I love it to death. I'm also taking recommendations for apps/games I shouldn't have to live without. :)