100% awesome
If anyone wondered where I was the past few days, I was in Orlando- I went with my mom and two of her friends to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. Basically for most of Sept. and Oct. they close the park early and turn it into an adult playground. They have scenery and costumed actors and fog machines on the streets, and bars set up all over the place, and they open up all these haunted houses they've built especially for the occasion, full of special effects and creepy shit and people in costume scaring the hell out of everyone. The theme park actually adjoins the working Universal Studios lot (I did not know this), so the haunted houses are constructed in Universal's sound stages. It was utterly fantastic. The only downside was that it was pouring rain the night we went, so the street actors weren't out, and we all got fucking soaked. But in some ways the rain almost helped- it was still dark and foggy, all the lighting was red, and half the people in the park were wearing semi-translucent white ponchos that made them look like wraiths.
We did the RIP tour, which I absolutely recommend if you ever go to this thing. The chief draw is that you get to see ALL the houses, and the way they manage that is by taking the tour groups through special shortcuts and letting you jump all the lines. Yes. For one magical night, I was one of those assholes that they stop the entire line to let in first, and you're looking at them going, "Who do those pricks think they are?" I'll tell you who I am, buddy. I am the woman who paid $150 to not have to wait in line in the pouring rain for 90 minutes at every house. I'm told it can take three nights to see all the houses the regular way (there are 7 of them). We did it in about three hours, with time for two snack breaks and two rides. (They were running the coasters since it wasn't lightning, just raining.)
I had an amazing time and so did everyone I was with, despite the rain. We're already talking about going again in a couple years. One piece of advice in addition to the VIP tour thing: DO NOT GO TO THE BILL & TED SHOW. It is so fucking unfunny that it is pathetic. It was like if Mad TV and the latter-day SNL fucked after bathing in nuclear waste and had a horrifically ugly freak baby with flippers and a beak.
We also went to the two parks (Studios and Islands of Adventure) because what the hell, why not. Studios I could take or leave- especially since I couldn't ride the coasters. Look, I weigh a lot, I recognize this. But people who were NOT that large were getting kicked off the rides because the safety devices didn't fit the way the staff required, which suggests to me that maybe their ride design is kind of fucked. I did research beforehand and expected that there would be at least some rides I wouldn't fit on, but it still bothered me that I couldn't ride any of the coasters in either park. (One exception: Flight of the Hippogriff, which is fun but lasts about 30 seconds so I'm not sure it counts.) The rest of the rides in Studios are either retarded (Disaster) or designed for babies (Shrek 4d). Men in Black and Krustyland were stupid, but I liked them anyway. But I do not feel the need to go back to Studios again, other than for the Halloween Horror event.
On the other hand, Islands was great. I couldn't ride the damn coasters, but I really liked the theming of the islands a LOT. Seuss Landing was awesome even though it was designed for little kids, because Seuss is fucking awesome and I still love his artistic aesthetic. I totally rode the train and you can judge me all you want, I'm just not listening. The Marvel area was pretty cool too. Also can I just say: I LOVED THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN RIDE. I'm almost embarrassed at how much I love it. I wanted to go again but it broke down when I came back. :( I also liked the Jurassic Park River Adventure, which had animatronic dinosaurs a-plenty and was just really freaking FUN. (By the way, the Express Pass is a must- it was unreal how much of a difference it made. People were waiting in 40 minute lines for rides that I got on in about 3 minutes.)
And of course, there was HARRY FUCKING POTTER. I am not a huge Potter fan, and I'm not in the fandom at all. But I read all the books, and I saw like, 6 or 7 of the movies, and like all normal red-blooded men and women I wanted to see a kickass example of world-building brought to life. And to buy pieces of it. I spent like half my day in there. My mom and her friends left to ride the Hulk again and get drunk at the hotel bar, and I was like FUCK YOU I'M GOING TO LIVE IN HOGSMEADE FOREVER. Then I met
theemdash for dinner at The Three Broomsticks and drank butterbeer, which is exactly as magical as I was given to expect, I have no idea how they did it but they should get the Nobel for that shit. And I was like, "Do you want to look around more?" and
theemdash was like, "What kind of stupid question is that" and we looked in all the shops (again) and I bought more stuff because of course I did. In addition to the candy (did you really think I wouldn't buy candy?) I got a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard and a Hedwig puppet that turns its head and has a voice chip. <3
In conclusion, Universal Studios now has all my money, but it was totally worth it.
We did the RIP tour, which I absolutely recommend if you ever go to this thing. The chief draw is that you get to see ALL the houses, and the way they manage that is by taking the tour groups through special shortcuts and letting you jump all the lines. Yes. For one magical night, I was one of those assholes that they stop the entire line to let in first, and you're looking at them going, "Who do those pricks think they are?" I'll tell you who I am, buddy. I am the woman who paid $150 to not have to wait in line in the pouring rain for 90 minutes at every house. I'm told it can take three nights to see all the houses the regular way (there are 7 of them). We did it in about three hours, with time for two snack breaks and two rides. (They were running the coasters since it wasn't lightning, just raining.)
I had an amazing time and so did everyone I was with, despite the rain. We're already talking about going again in a couple years. One piece of advice in addition to the VIP tour thing: DO NOT GO TO THE BILL & TED SHOW. It is so fucking unfunny that it is pathetic. It was like if Mad TV and the latter-day SNL fucked after bathing in nuclear waste and had a horrifically ugly freak baby with flippers and a beak.
We also went to the two parks (Studios and Islands of Adventure) because what the hell, why not. Studios I could take or leave- especially since I couldn't ride the coasters. Look, I weigh a lot, I recognize this. But people who were NOT that large were getting kicked off the rides because the safety devices didn't fit the way the staff required, which suggests to me that maybe their ride design is kind of fucked. I did research beforehand and expected that there would be at least some rides I wouldn't fit on, but it still bothered me that I couldn't ride any of the coasters in either park. (One exception: Flight of the Hippogriff, which is fun but lasts about 30 seconds so I'm not sure it counts.) The rest of the rides in Studios are either retarded (Disaster) or designed for babies (Shrek 4d). Men in Black and Krustyland were stupid, but I liked them anyway. But I do not feel the need to go back to Studios again, other than for the Halloween Horror event.
On the other hand, Islands was great. I couldn't ride the damn coasters, but I really liked the theming of the islands a LOT. Seuss Landing was awesome even though it was designed for little kids, because Seuss is fucking awesome and I still love his artistic aesthetic. I totally rode the train and you can judge me all you want, I'm just not listening. The Marvel area was pretty cool too. Also can I just say: I LOVED THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN RIDE. I'm almost embarrassed at how much I love it. I wanted to go again but it broke down when I came back. :( I also liked the Jurassic Park River Adventure, which had animatronic dinosaurs a-plenty and was just really freaking FUN. (By the way, the Express Pass is a must- it was unreal how much of a difference it made. People were waiting in 40 minute lines for rides that I got on in about 3 minutes.)
And of course, there was HARRY FUCKING POTTER. I am not a huge Potter fan, and I'm not in the fandom at all. But I read all the books, and I saw like, 6 or 7 of the movies, and like all normal red-blooded men and women I wanted to see a kickass example of world-building brought to life. And to buy pieces of it. I spent like half my day in there. My mom and her friends left to ride the Hulk again and get drunk at the hotel bar, and I was like FUCK YOU I'M GOING TO LIVE IN HOGSMEADE FOREVER. Then I met
theemdash for dinner at The Three Broomsticks and drank butterbeer, which is exactly as magical as I was given to expect, I have no idea how they did it but they should get the Nobel for that shit. And I was like, "Do you want to look around more?" and
theemdash was like, "What kind of stupid question is that" and we looked in all the shops (again) and I bought more stuff because of course I did. In addition to the candy (did you really think I wouldn't buy candy?) I got a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard and a Hedwig puppet that turns its head and has a voice chip. <3
In conclusion, Universal Studios now has all my money, but it was totally worth it.