Post Pregnancy Self. .
A writing over how I feel about my physical conditions over the past few months.
During my pregnancy I had gone excessively crazy on food. I had been consuming 5000-7000 calories every day!! That is the actual amount of my consumptions. And I paid dearly for this excessiveness. I was constantly in pain from being very full but I kept shoving food down despite this and made myself very sick. My weight went through the roof, the fat on my body blew up immensely. . I felt as if I had been breathing through a straw, my blood pressure was very high, my pulse constantly kept racing dramatically (so many chest pains!!)
Finally, I stopped myself one day, when I honestly thought I was going into cardiac arrest. . I then thereon decided I was going to control myself and regain my self-esteem and confidence, and bring back my health. . because if I would have continued, I would probably be a vegetable in a hospital bed breathing through an oxygen tank right now and eventually would have died from this.
This occurred during the last month of my pregnancy, I then actually lost a few pounds before I delivered my son. (He is extremely healthy)
My son is three and a half months old.
Since the day of my child's birth, I have restricted myself to a 1200-1500 calorie diet and am still on this limit. A few weeks after my child was born I had started an extreme exercise routine, involving me walking/running 6-9 miles every single day which I had done for two months and have recently stopped because my skin needs to recover from the excessive skin exposure.
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I guess I became consumed in feeling like a whale, therefore indulging in foods to make myself feel better (though I never felt any better, even during consumptions). Towards the end of my spree, when I would bite into foods, I instantly would be sick out of my mind and I would often burst into tears. . I felt so physically horrible!
--
So now I am actually lighter in weight and in better physical shape than my pre-pregnancy self. . however I still find it very difficult dealing with my physical self. I still feel fat, I feel extremely damaged especially to my skin. I feel as if all this hard work I have been putting into myself, I should look as well as I feel on the inside. . but this does not match. . I still feel very fat on the outside. . and it is mostly not encouraging to me to continue with all this work since it is paying off only very slowly. .
During my pregnancy I had gone excessively crazy on food. I had been consuming 5000-7000 calories every day!! That is the actual amount of my consumptions. And I paid dearly for this excessiveness. I was constantly in pain from being very full but I kept shoving food down despite this and made myself very sick. My weight went through the roof, the fat on my body blew up immensely. . I felt as if I had been breathing through a straw, my blood pressure was very high, my pulse constantly kept racing dramatically (so many chest pains!!)
Finally, I stopped myself one day, when I honestly thought I was going into cardiac arrest. . I then thereon decided I was going to control myself and regain my self-esteem and confidence, and bring back my health. . because if I would have continued, I would probably be a vegetable in a hospital bed breathing through an oxygen tank right now and eventually would have died from this.
This occurred during the last month of my pregnancy, I then actually lost a few pounds before I delivered my son. (He is extremely healthy)
My son is three and a half months old.
Since the day of my child's birth, I have restricted myself to a 1200-1500 calorie diet and am still on this limit. A few weeks after my child was born I had started an extreme exercise routine, involving me walking/running 6-9 miles every single day which I had done for two months and have recently stopped because my skin needs to recover from the excessive skin exposure.
----
I guess I became consumed in feeling like a whale, therefore indulging in foods to make myself feel better (though I never felt any better, even during consumptions). Towards the end of my spree, when I would bite into foods, I instantly would be sick out of my mind and I would often burst into tears. . I felt so physically horrible!
--
So now I am actually lighter in weight and in better physical shape than my pre-pregnancy self. . however I still find it very difficult dealing with my physical self. I still feel fat, I feel extremely damaged especially to my skin. I feel as if all this hard work I have been putting into myself, I should look as well as I feel on the inside. . but this does not match. . I still feel very fat on the outside. . and it is mostly not encouraging to me to continue with all this work since it is paying off only very slowly. .