Nano Days 13-19
I don't often spread my emotions across the blogsphere, but I'm rather stuck in self loathing today. The novel isn't going well at all which is probably why I haven't been doing regular updates this week. I don't feel wacky inside, so it's hard to write wacky, and I'm not having as much fun as I should be through the process. Problem is, I don't feel much like writing serious either. The thing needs a major overhaul, lest it degenerate into a stream of consciousness, and maybe trying to create a story arc and map out all the things I've already done would help? I don't know :( I feel like my fellow Nano'ers are writing brilliant epics, whereas most of what I've written is horribly flat.
It's not all to do with the novel. A lot of it has to do with the job situation, I'm sure. I may have been ready for a change, but now that it's actually here it seems daunting and difficult, and I question my own abilities and what I can tackle right now, although I did that even when I got this job and that all turned out fine. I feel very alone and frustrated with myself in every sense of the word, and that percolates through to everything, including the novel.
What I'd really like to experience on December 1st is a sense that I can actually achieve some serious wordcount. I know my first novel (the serious one that I had to drop on Day 2) is a novel that needs to be written, and I'd love the whoosh of the "wow, I can do this" behind me when I restart it next month. The journey of writing it will be hard enough without doubt creeping in. Not to sound horribly emotional, but I need that whoosh because I haven't had any inspirational adrenaline in a very long time.
Looks like this has gone from a Nano update to a digital imprint of my own insecurities. My blog, so I suppose I'm entitled.
Here are the positives of the weekend:
(1) I did hit half way today as I was dragging myself over quota (the first time in 5 days I've made quota, and just barely).
(2) The Nano social on Saturday was great fun. There was cool Nano Swag
