Jay's Baker's Dozen Rules of the Fanfic and RP World
I'm in one of those 'the world is out of control and it makes me go argh' places, so in order to combat that, I am organizing my brain. You, in the back there, stop snickering. Therefore, I bring you Jay's Baker's Dozen Rules of the Fanfic and RP World (to be amended as needed). Give me yours, if you feel like it!
1) Never, ever say that you will 'never' write something, no matter how unlikely it seems to you . The fates laugh at this, and find a way to make you write it anyway. See: Jay writing het, Jay writing femme, Jay writing with any pup/character under the age of 25, see Jay writing kink, see Jay writing May/December relationships, see Jay writing incest, twincest, m/f incest, inter-generational incest... the list goes on. Those of you who know me and mock love me, feel free to list the ones I didn't in the comments.
2) Writing girls is fun. Writing girls is, however, not easy, particularly in RPGs. Be prepared for that, before you pick up that girl pup. See here for further elaboration on this.
3) There are not enough sexy sounding words to describe the female anatomy when writing porn. Sooner or late, you will use 'pussy' one too many times, and it will make you giggle inappropriately. Usually this happens when one of your cats is trying to climb on your lap at the time.
4) Once you start writing porn, none of your friends will believe you anymore when you claim to be a delicate, innocent flower. This is because they are mean, not because they are right. Okay, maybe they're right AND mean...
5) If you're writing something that's meant to be in a realistic context (Real Life, as opposed to the magical fairyland of somethingsomething made up), a head tilt toward realism is always appreciated. See: somewhat realistic recovery times for men, lack of self-lubricating bums, come that tastes like come instead of a vanilla milkshake.
6) It's "come", not "cum". The second will make me giggle inappropriately.
7) RPG specific: Sometimes, the person you think is a snob/doesn't like you is actually wicked shy. Sometimes they're in a groove with their pre-existing cowriters, and they just don't have the bandwidth to write with someone new. Sometimes they've had bad experiences out there in the world of cowriting, and they stick pretty close to home, and it's them, not you. Sometimes? They're a dick and they don't like you. But most of the time, it's the former, not the latter.
8) Words that are okay to use on a frequent and regular basis: said/says, he, she, him, her. Also character names.
9) Watch your epithets. Castiel doesn't have to be 'the angel'. He doesn't have to be 'the shorter man/the shorter angel/the shorter angel-who-has-fallen-from-grace-and-then-recovered-it-again'. He can be 'Castiel'. Or 'him'. If you write well, we'll know who you're talking about.
10) Warnings are nice. There's no law that says 'thou must warn', but taking the time to let people know about something that could hurt them? That's a nice thing to do. I warn for drug use, for incest, for underage, for anything non-consensual, all the way from role played rape to actual rape. I warn for blood, I warn for knives, and I warn for eating disorders. If I wrote something where a major character died, I'd probably warn in white text so that people who didn't want to see that particular warning wouldn't have to, but those who did want to see it could. Warnings? A nice thing to do.
11) Don't be a dick. And don't be coy--you know when you're being a dick.
12) RPG specific: Sometimes it takes awhile to find someone you have writing chemistry with. Keep trying. Keep trying, but if someone says no thank you, respect it. It's almost definitely not personal. Except when it is. If you're running through cowriters like Zach Quinto went through razor blades on the set of Star Trek? Take a look at what you're doing.
13) Learn to take a compliment gracefully. Learn to take a compliment period, but it's very frustrating when someone takes the time to say 'hey, you're a good writer', and you say 'no, I am terrible, I am David Caruso doing Shakespeare, I SUCK'. The phrase is 'thank you'. Learn it.
1) Never, ever say that you will 'never' write something, no matter how unlikely it seems to you . The fates laugh at this, and find a way to make you write it anyway. See: Jay writing het, Jay writing femme, Jay writing with any pup/character under the age of 25, see Jay writing kink, see Jay writing May/December relationships, see Jay writing incest, twincest, m/f incest, inter-generational incest... the list goes on. Those of you who know me and mock love me, feel free to list the ones I didn't in the comments.
2) Writing girls is fun. Writing girls is, however, not easy, particularly in RPGs. Be prepared for that, before you pick up that girl pup. See here for further elaboration on this.
3) There are not enough sexy sounding words to describe the female anatomy when writing porn. Sooner or late, you will use 'pussy' one too many times, and it will make you giggle inappropriately. Usually this happens when one of your cats is trying to climb on your lap at the time.
4) Once you start writing porn, none of your friends will believe you anymore when you claim to be a delicate, innocent flower. This is because they are mean, not because they are right. Okay, maybe they're right AND mean...
5) If you're writing something that's meant to be in a realistic context (Real Life, as opposed to the magical fairyland of somethingsomething made up), a head tilt toward realism is always appreciated. See: somewhat realistic recovery times for men, lack of self-lubricating bums, come that tastes like come instead of a vanilla milkshake.
6) It's "come", not "cum". The second will make me giggle inappropriately.
7) RPG specific: Sometimes, the person you think is a snob/doesn't like you is actually wicked shy. Sometimes they're in a groove with their pre-existing cowriters, and they just don't have the bandwidth to write with someone new. Sometimes they've had bad experiences out there in the world of cowriting, and they stick pretty close to home, and it's them, not you. Sometimes? They're a dick and they don't like you. But most of the time, it's the former, not the latter.
8) Words that are okay to use on a frequent and regular basis: said/says, he, she, him, her. Also character names.
9) Watch your epithets. Castiel doesn't have to be 'the angel'. He doesn't have to be 'the shorter man/the shorter angel/the shorter angel-who-has-fallen-from-grace-and-then-recovered-it-again'. He can be 'Castiel'. Or 'him'. If you write well, we'll know who you're talking about.
10) Warnings are nice. There's no law that says 'thou must warn', but taking the time to let people know about something that could hurt them? That's a nice thing to do. I warn for drug use, for incest, for underage, for anything non-consensual, all the way from role played rape to actual rape. I warn for blood, I warn for knives, and I warn for eating disorders. If I wrote something where a major character died, I'd probably warn in white text so that people who didn't want to see that particular warning wouldn't have to, but those who did want to see it could. Warnings? A nice thing to do.
11) Don't be a dick. And don't be coy--you know when you're being a dick.
12) RPG specific: Sometimes it takes awhile to find someone you have writing chemistry with. Keep trying. Keep trying, but if someone says no thank you, respect it. It's almost definitely not personal. Except when it is. If you're running through cowriters like Zach Quinto went through razor blades on the set of Star Trek? Take a look at what you're doing.
13) Learn to take a compliment gracefully. Learn to take a compliment period, but it's very frustrating when someone takes the time to say 'hey, you're a good writer', and you say 'no, I am terrible, I am David Caruso doing Shakespeare, I SUCK'. The phrase is 'thank you'. Learn it.