it's like forgetting the words to your favourite song...
I've been feeling... out of phase, lately. Like I'm not really here, at least, not in the same way as other people. It's hard to explain. But I've been left on my own a lot, and rather than making me better equipped to deal with that sort of thing like a normal adult, it's just reminded me why I hate it. And it just keeps happening, no matter what I try to do to stop it. So I spend a lot of time in my room, blaring Foo Fighters, and trying to figure out how to amuse myself (to be fair, "a lot of time" is probably only several hours, when put together, but it's the most time I've spent in there since we moved in, and it's weird). I've been using the time to think about my life, and I've decided I'm really going to try to make this Master's plan happen. I looked into a few schools in Ireland and they've all got Linguistis programs, and it sounds like they offer some really interesting history courses as well - which is the whole point of going to Ireland/Scotland (well, aside from meeting my sexy Irish soulmate). This, of course, means I need to start saving my money for realz, yo, something I am not exactly known for.
I feel like I haven't really achieved anything so far in my life, even though I just graduated. It feels like nothing, because so far, it's netted nothing. So I just sit here, twiddling my thumbs, thinking about my life's goals and desires that I can't seem to find. I know what I want, I just don't know how to get there. So, in lieu of more personal goals, I think I can make this Master's thing work. I can research it. I can talk to people. And I know I've got the full support of my parents, which makes the whole thing a little easier. My mom thinks I need to experience things. She doesn't want me to be afraid or miss out - which is why, in a move which has been given weird looks by pretty much everyone, she basically forced me to get back on the bike just a day after my accident. Yea, she's that mom. So I'm not worried about that. And if worse comes to worst (which, in case you were wondering, Internet, is the phrase), I'll probably get some financial help from them as well - I don't really want that, I want to prove that I can live independently from them, but it's a safety net sort of thing. I haven't quite gotten out of that, yet. It sort of depends on how much money I can make - and whether or not I can work while getting my degree, since apparently employment in Ireland is basically non-existent. Uh-oh.
Things at Teaopia have gotten better - much better, I'd say, although I'm not really getting along with one of the new people. I think she thinks we're getting along, though, which is what I want, so that's cool. But Sara is getting more and more pull, and she's being good to me. Part of me hopes it lasts so I have something secure, but another part of me hopes something goes wrong so I have a good excuse to ditch them and go back to Skiis and Biikes full time this winter. It's not just that I'll make more money at S&B (and I will), it's the whole atmosphere. I feel like people know me there. Hell, in one day alone, three people expressed serious shock that I'd worn all black (Sean: "You're such a colourful person!") - which I'd done because I was also working at Teaopia (now when they see me all gothed-out, they go "Oh, working today?"). And in one off-day, I got "You okay?"s from probably half the staff - no one outside the store commented at all. And even though Kate's gone and that makes me sad all day, I miss the whole place. I'm happy when I'm working there, which so far is more than I can say for any other job I've held.
Maybe that's why I'm in a funk. Maybe not. I'm usually pretty good at kicking the blues, but sometimes they linger. I guess we'll see how things go (my motto).
In other news, finally cracked down and sorted things out for my next tattoo (on my grandparents' graduation-money, even though I'm totally not telling them that). Now I just have to get my butt downtown and make an appointment. I'm going to wait for the heat wave to subside, though, because the thought of wrapping up my forearm at all just kills me. But I'm getting excited about it, which is helping a little bit.
Thus concludes our adventure through my life.
peace out
-Lyns
I feel like I haven't really achieved anything so far in my life, even though I just graduated. It feels like nothing, because so far, it's netted nothing. So I just sit here, twiddling my thumbs, thinking about my life's goals and desires that I can't seem to find. I know what I want, I just don't know how to get there. So, in lieu of more personal goals, I think I can make this Master's thing work. I can research it. I can talk to people. And I know I've got the full support of my parents, which makes the whole thing a little easier. My mom thinks I need to experience things. She doesn't want me to be afraid or miss out - which is why, in a move which has been given weird looks by pretty much everyone, she basically forced me to get back on the bike just a day after my accident. Yea, she's that mom. So I'm not worried about that. And if worse comes to worst (which, in case you were wondering, Internet, is the phrase), I'll probably get some financial help from them as well - I don't really want that, I want to prove that I can live independently from them, but it's a safety net sort of thing. I haven't quite gotten out of that, yet. It sort of depends on how much money I can make - and whether or not I can work while getting my degree, since apparently employment in Ireland is basically non-existent. Uh-oh.
Things at Teaopia have gotten better - much better, I'd say, although I'm not really getting along with one of the new people. I think she thinks we're getting along, though, which is what I want, so that's cool. But Sara is getting more and more pull, and she's being good to me. Part of me hopes it lasts so I have something secure, but another part of me hopes something goes wrong so I have a good excuse to ditch them and go back to Skiis and Biikes full time this winter. It's not just that I'll make more money at S&B (and I will), it's the whole atmosphere. I feel like people know me there. Hell, in one day alone, three people expressed serious shock that I'd worn all black (Sean: "You're such a colourful person!") - which I'd done because I was also working at Teaopia (now when they see me all gothed-out, they go "Oh, working today?"). And in one off-day, I got "You okay?"s from probably half the staff - no one outside the store commented at all. And even though Kate's gone and that makes me sad all day, I miss the whole place. I'm happy when I'm working there, which so far is more than I can say for any other job I've held.
Maybe that's why I'm in a funk. Maybe not. I'm usually pretty good at kicking the blues, but sometimes they linger. I guess we'll see how things go (my motto).
In other news, finally cracked down and sorted things out for my next tattoo (on my grandparents' graduation-money, even though I'm totally not telling them that). Now I just have to get my butt downtown and make an appointment. I'm going to wait for the heat wave to subside, though, because the thought of wrapping up my forearm at all just kills me. But I'm getting excited about it, which is helping a little bit.
Thus concludes our adventure through my life.
peace out
-Lyns