truth.
so i told julie tonight that i want to go to wilmington, not to chicago. she was relieved, she apparently, as i thought, did not have her heart in chicago either. she is staying here in seattle, or going back to milwaukee.
i will miss her. a lot. more than i realized, until i told her, and had a really hard time not losing it right then and there. almost harder than when i left mike to come here to seattle, as odd as that may sound. there is nothing bad for me here. everything here is good. i love seattle, but i love adventure more. i need to leave, it's just something i need to do. maybe a product of my upbringing; my parents moved a lot before they were tied down with kids....maybe due to the fact that i lived in the same place my entire childhood, until early college when i moved not to a different city, but just to an apartment within that same city. i just crave change. i crave moving. i crave getting out of this dark overcast city and back to the east coast where the sun will beat down on me, and lets face it, i will probably hate it. i hate being hot almost as much as i hate being cold, but i miss it.
when i close my eyes, i picture myself on Wrightsville Beach. I picture myself with a tan. I picture my dog's big fat stupid head with her big stupid tongue hanging out, sitting in the passenger seat of my yellow jeep wrangler, that by the grace of god i hope to somehow find a way to afford to somehow obtain, and i picture my dog and i walking on the boardwalk along the Cape Fear river, and it makes me happy. maybe i expect too much from this. maybe i am expecting wilmington will equal happy. maybe i expect to meet the love of my life and fall in love and live happily ever after. so what if i do. so what if i don't. so what if i'm dreaming. it's a dream i've had for a while now, and i may as well give it a shot to come true.
what can it hurt, right?
i will miss her. a lot. more than i realized, until i told her, and had a really hard time not losing it right then and there. almost harder than when i left mike to come here to seattle, as odd as that may sound. there is nothing bad for me here. everything here is good. i love seattle, but i love adventure more. i need to leave, it's just something i need to do. maybe a product of my upbringing; my parents moved a lot before they were tied down with kids....maybe due to the fact that i lived in the same place my entire childhood, until early college when i moved not to a different city, but just to an apartment within that same city. i just crave change. i crave moving. i crave getting out of this dark overcast city and back to the east coast where the sun will beat down on me, and lets face it, i will probably hate it. i hate being hot almost as much as i hate being cold, but i miss it.
when i close my eyes, i picture myself on Wrightsville Beach. I picture myself with a tan. I picture my dog's big fat stupid head with her big stupid tongue hanging out, sitting in the passenger seat of my yellow jeep wrangler, that by the grace of god i hope to somehow find a way to afford to somehow obtain, and i picture my dog and i walking on the boardwalk along the Cape Fear river, and it makes me happy. maybe i expect too much from this. maybe i am expecting wilmington will equal happy. maybe i expect to meet the love of my life and fall in love and live happily ever after. so what if i do. so what if i don't. so what if i'm dreaming. it's a dream i've had for a while now, and i may as well give it a shot to come true.
what can it hurt, right?