Christmas. There, I said it.
This year, the mall has a carousel for the kids to ride while waiting to tell Santa Claus that they want the iPhone5 and a 120 gig iPod Touch that hasn't been released yet. Or cash. They will also accept cash.
I sat watching kids riding the carousel while Robert went off to get me an iced capuccino that I never got because the lineup was 30 deep.
I found out that there are three kinds of kids who ride the carousel. Here is the breakdown:
1) Those that are too young. These guys are easy to spot because obviously, an adult is holding onto them. They have a look on their face that says, 'Why am I here and what are we doing?' The expression of confusion and complete cluelessness is completely adorable.
2) Those that are too old. These kids are on the carousel because their parents demand a photo, and the kid reluctantly agrees. They have probably been bribed with the iPhone 5 and the 120 gig iPod touch that hasn't been released yet, if they ride the stupid reindeer and force a fake and unconvincing smile at mom every time they pass by the place she's standing. Their expression says, 'Holy shit I can't believe that I have to sit here and look like a complete asshole just to get a God damned iPhone 5 and the 120 gig iPod Touch that hasn't been released yet. None of my friends better see me or else my life is over. If it weren't for the existence of Apple products, I would rather be dead.' The expression of seething hostility brings out feelings of pity for the parents.
3) Toddlers. These are the funnest kids to watch if they haven't already had the piss spoiled out of them. They have the hugest smiles ever and their expression is all 'Oh my GOD! This is the most fun ever! I want to share my cookies with whoever it is who invented this amazing up and downer reindeer thingie! I wish I could ride this round and rounder every day! I wonder if I can get this music on CD. Because even this music is awesome.' I want to temporarily borrow these ones.
I sat watching kids riding the carousel while Robert went off to get me an iced capuccino that I never got because the lineup was 30 deep.
I found out that there are three kinds of kids who ride the carousel. Here is the breakdown:
1) Those that are too young. These guys are easy to spot because obviously, an adult is holding onto them. They have a look on their face that says, 'Why am I here and what are we doing?' The expression of confusion and complete cluelessness is completely adorable.
2) Those that are too old. These kids are on the carousel because their parents demand a photo, and the kid reluctantly agrees. They have probably been bribed with the iPhone 5 and the 120 gig iPod touch that hasn't been released yet, if they ride the stupid reindeer and force a fake and unconvincing smile at mom every time they pass by the place she's standing. Their expression says, 'Holy shit I can't believe that I have to sit here and look like a complete asshole just to get a God damned iPhone 5 and the 120 gig iPod Touch that hasn't been released yet. None of my friends better see me or else my life is over. If it weren't for the existence of Apple products, I would rather be dead.' The expression of seething hostility brings out feelings of pity for the parents.
3) Toddlers. These are the funnest kids to watch if they haven't already had the piss spoiled out of them. They have the hugest smiles ever and their expression is all 'Oh my GOD! This is the most fun ever! I want to share my cookies with whoever it is who invented this amazing up and downer reindeer thingie! I wish I could ride this round and rounder every day! I wonder if I can get this music on CD. Because even this music is awesome.' I want to temporarily borrow these ones.