(no subject)

[thethirdstone]

Hello everyone !

New member here and fresh rookie into this pairing.
I was running out of my mind these days because I couldn't find any place to unleash my fanfic-ness ( ness ness nessss.....) and the plot bunnies definetely were not helping.Spent almost the whole night editing my here present fanfic and going mental because I had nowhere to post it. Until I found this place.Hopefully I will be able to safely release everything Lincoln/LJ related out of my system because I'm on overload!
  So I hope you will enjoy my gift for you guys .

Title: Autumn Tragedies - Delicate
Author: thethirdstone 
Pairing: Lincoln / LJ
Rating: I say M for Mature audience but just so I won't be sued because we all know you're gonna read it anyway.
Word count:  I don't have the slightest idea , but it's a long read.
Summary: LJ suddenly realizes he's not seeing his father anymore but this person called Lincoln who stirs him in odd ways ( baaaaad summary )
Warnings: You're in a community dedicated to an incestuous couple....what other warnings?
Notes: The fanfic is the first out of two ( the second one is called Winter Tragedies and it revolves on the second part of their relationship and is more from Lincoln's point of view and more ...er.....for mature readers ? *wink* )
And I haven't been writing in literally years...This is only my second fanfic since starting to write again a week ago so consider yourself warned.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the  bloody show as much as I'd want to.
Feedback : is love

Also , if the entry appeared a bit messed up , it's probably because of the script on the page,been having some problems with it but my laptop's battery is running low and at the moment I don't have that much time at my hand to fix the entry again ( tried for about 5 times ) so I sincerely apologize if it still looks messed up and I hope it won't interfere too much with the story.
Thanks to everyone who is reading !





Tragedies of Autumn - Delicate

Autumn Interlude

LJ could trace his memories pretty damn far away and some of the things he remembered were also about his father and the fact that he hated him and he hated himself for hating him when there was , in fact , that kind of hate that rises its million heads up from rivers of love.

Now , being more grown-up than his age, he thought taking a chance with his father was the best and altogether the stupidest thing he ever did in his life.Lincoln never being around suddenly made LJ wait for him more and more desperately each day , waking up in the morning wondering if this day had a surprise in for him in the bulky form of Lincoln Burrows.

Sometimes it did , but most oftenly , the days were exactly the same.Empty and Lincoln-less.

It was not long ago , a few days after his birthday when he accidentally walked in on Lincoln while in the bathroom.It was a very long time since he'd seen him and he froze in the doorstep puzzled for a second as to who exactly was this man who stood in front of him,with a bathrobe around his hips and another one around his neck.

"Mornin'...step right in , I'm finished." He muttered with a husky voice.

"Mornin Dad..." He managed to mutter in return and slide by him in the bathroom .

"Don't be too long , your mom told me to get you back by 10 and you overslept."

In return LJ just nodded and closed the door behind him , then sat on the edge of the bathtub.

The bathroom was soaked in the smell of a strong cologne and the wet feeling of a warm morning shower in a cold bathroom with no heating.

Though LJ couldn't be bothered by cold as he was retracing the source of this funny thing in his somach that kept on twisting all over the place and cause him to lose his breath for a second.It retraced it to when he entered the bathroom and , while trying to fool himself into believing something else, anything else ,he retraced it to the tall figure owned by his father.He knew he rested his eyes a bit too long on his hips and the well-defined muscles on his arms and his broad chest.Somehow it felt strange he'd never looked at that face and seen it that way before.

He'd never been one who was not sure of things , small and sometimes abandoned as he was , but he was a smart kid,he knew that.He was the type that was never convinced by something simply out of gut feeling so he had to try it and see it in material from.

LJ got out of the bathroom and headed towards the crappy room Lincoln called a kitchen and caught him in his jeans and a T-shirt trying to crop up some sort of breakfast.His Dad didn't hear him coming , as he was barefoot in his large purple pants and t-shirt he used as pyjamas,so he continued doing his thing with the radio on the fridge tuned on some random radio station.He could hear him humming slightly , under his breath , along with a song LJ traced as Jimmi Hendrix's "All Along The Watchtower".He didn't knew how he recognized it ,maybe his father preffered it and sometimes hummed it without being aware of it and LJ just kept it in his memory.

The smell of coffee filled the room as Lincoln was literally bodyguarding it boil with his whole attention ( accidents were known to happen when a Lincoln who'd been out all night 'working' tried to do something -anything- at the unholy hours of early morning ).

The sun was high above the city by now , but it still spreaded that warm but chilly light it sometimes does in autumn days ,it slided all across the kitchen table, shadowing the cabinets area , then to reappear again next to the fridge and wipe away the dimness of the hallway.If you squinted , you could see the small dust particles flowing in the air in a quiet dance , endless and annoying.

Lincoln poured himself a cup of coffee and walked slowly towards the window and took a small sip while looking out.LJ could see his profile, half in the shadows , half in the sunlight,tall and endless in the stillness of the morning.

It occured to him he must have taken from his mother , his slender figure and pale skin , as he watched him , in a trance-like state , as none of this seemed real , how he turned towards the sun and his skin glowed in deep gold , his strong frame so perfectly fit on its bones.For some reason , he forgot who that man was and what ties of blood kept them linked together and when he realized where his mind was leading him , far beyond the leave-stripped trees and teenage love whispers,he almost lost his breath.

All along , Jimi Hendrix was singing that "there must be some kind of way out of here"...

In the next three weeks that followed , Lincoln never called and did not appear unexpectedly in the doorstep with his hands in his pockets looking tough and carefree but begging for forgiveness from his mother and from LJ himself with his eyes.

Little Burrows started to battle with keeping up at school and his sudden ( probably self-induced ) insomnia.He twisted in his bed , just to follow a pattern of going downstairs to get some coffee and then spend his night on the computer chatting up people from the other sides of the world,pulling his mind away from what was troubling him.

He played stupid,but he knew he was smart,but upon analyzing himself he reached conclusions he'd rather not share , with anyone else nor with himself.

Oedipus complex was fine.Absolutely fine , it was a trait almost everyone had , especially teenagers ,but girls towards their father and boys towards their mothers.Not boys towards their fathers.It was twisted and unheard of.

It is when you have revelations about life ,of what looked like your life until then , that you fall flat on your face,on your bed and bury your nose in your pillow.

His barefoot steps took him down memory lane in places and things he'd buried that should have stayed buried and everyone knew that dead things should stay in the ground,dissolved and forgotten.

When LJ was ten,he remembers clearly one morning stuffing his nose in his father's T-shirt he left on the couch and inhaling his smell, a scent that caused butterflies in his stomach.He didn't knew why he did it back then , kids just do things and that's it.They don't question , they just go for it.That morning at breakfast , Lincoln pulled him up in his arms and threw him in the air a few times and he liked it because he knew he'd always fall in his father's arms,he was safe whenever his strong arms were near him.Simply because he was tall and strong , he thought he considered him his hero because of that.

And then there's that recurring memory when he was 15 and his dad tackled him in a friendly football match in the backyard with some friends and due to the wet grass caused by an early summer rain,he slipped and dragged Lincoln down with him,half of his weight on his slender frame.

Lincoln's arms dug in the ground so that he won't totally fall on his son and LJ remembered clearly those arms trapping him , his broad shoulders obscuring the sun and a million tingles gathering up below his belly.He blamed it on the shock of the fall.He blamed him grabbing his father's hips to pull himself up afterwards on the shock from the fall.

He even blamed his hand resting on that chest on the shock of the fall.

It started long ago and he wasn't even aware of it.

He's one silly young man , LJ Burrows.....

He normally lived his teenage life with various ups and downs a child split between two parents could have , but mature enough not to take too many things too seriously.He tried not to be bothered,to laugh , to tease , to play and allow others to worry,fight and kick.

But while the autumn was drifting its dead , dried branches towards an October morning,LJ dug his head in the pillow and felt his chest torn apart,from the middle to the left and right and he cried like he did not remember crying in years.

Autumn Tactics
Mid October found LJ pulling his jacket on and a black scarf around his neck while walking fast on the stairs trying to get to the door as fast as possible.He left a note in the kitchen and he wanted to get out before being seen.He was ok , but to his mother he would have been a horror movie to watch as the dark circles under his eyes were today purple and he looked and felt , even beyond his red-rimmed eyes , beat up and forgotten.

When he heard a door upstairs opening , he grabbed his boots from the wardrobe in the hallway and ran outside in his socks and only stopped three houses away to pull them on .

He felt like breathing in the cold air with all its lung capacity , so he started running .He didn't knew why , he just felt like it but he also thought he heard someone calling him and as he turned around to look for a split second ,before he knew it , he bumped into someone and he would have fell flat on his back if two arms didn't secure him safely and kept him steady.

"Dad...Dad! "

"Yes, I think you got that one right." He steadied him on his feet "Where are you running like that ?"

"I wasn't running." He replied , head down , eyes fixed on the ground.It was a too tough decision as to look at him or not.

"Then you were definetely walking very fast...."

"Dad.." LJ served him with the voice.
"It's been a long month and I had a lot of work to do.I was just on my way to see you."

"You didn't call."

"I didn't have a phone at hand." Came the dry reply.

LJ would have argued that because it was of common sense on all US territory for public phones to be installed and at least one in this state had to be working,but he knew he would have probably walked on dangerous grounds shooting questions at a father who would rather buy his affection again than tell him the truth.Because the truth meant wrong things and whatever he did it was not wrong , it was means to an end.

"LJ , you ok ?"

"Yeah , why ?"

"Because I normally speak with my mouth which is up here last time I checked , not on the tip of my shoes."

LJ didn't reply.He was never good with witty lines.

When he was 10 he just did stuff.He didn't argue as to their reason and subconscious layers , and just did them because kids do that.He stepped forward and his arms tightened around his father's waist and he buried his face in his chest.

Lincoln was tied to his cologne by an unbreakable bond , so it was like coming back home when LJ inhaled his smell and when those arms of his hugged right back.Lincoln has never been a man of many words in given situations so he either shut up , either joked about it,but LJ did not want it to be ruined,he felt as if this was so important that , if a single wrong word might escape through the veil of intimacy he managed to pull around them,he'd be left sore and heartbroken.

He challenged himself to look up and he felt dazed and confused when again , just like in that morning,he didn't see his father anymore , but a man strong enough to look after him and carry the world on his shoulders.His well defined features caused him nothing but bittersweet pain as he remembered he never quite felt that one day's growth on his cheek or his lips anywhere on his skin.He shivered and thought he was the worst person atoms and molecules ever created on this earth and on the range of a thousant lifetimes.

It was not his father anymore but a man that caused his bodyheat to go up by a few notches right here , right now and when Lincoln looked back at him , smiling slightly , LJ knew for sure he had no escape now and that as the October morning melted into the October afternoon he was at loss with himself because all of his skin,heartbeats and tingles told him he fell in love.

They walked.Silent at first , and then his father started to ask questions about school , which ultimately lead to some degree of conversation.None of LJ's questions as to his whereabouts in the past month were answered so he quit asking for questions and instead asked for a hot chocolate.

Lincoln , whether he had money in his pockets or not ,if his son wanted a hot chocolate he'd get one.Anything else ?

LJ would get anything he wants as long as he starts smiling again and pretends nothing has happened , to erase the whole empty month when he's been deprived by paternal love from his mind.LJ decided he could play along ,again and again because he felt hurt himself when his father looked puzzled and confused.He knew he was trying to make things better , with his own methods,though they were not always the right ones.

They walked on the deserted alleys of the park nearby,breathing in the cold air , LJ laughing at one of Lincoln's jokes as he sipped his last drop of hot chocolate from his cup.

LJ knew it was tough for his father to keep up with a facade for some reason but in the same time he was angry at him because it was hard for himself to be here with him, feeling the way he did and Lincoln totally unaware of it.

"Dad , have you been drinking ? " He suddenly cut him off.

"What ?"

"You smell of whiskey."

"No and no I don't."

"You do.Just slightly."

"Don't do this LJ."

"I'm not doing anything.You are."

"Don't accuse me." His voice came out husky and with a warning.

LJ never liked him when he broke out,but then again today he was also angry.He felt as if he had the right to be angry , at least once in a while.He was angry because of his wrong and sick feelings for his own father and because he knew he couldn't do anything about it.He was angry at Lincoln because he loved him in such a way.

They were alone in the park , having just the late afternoon dying sun as hostess.

"You don't know the half of things LJ.Don't talk about things you don't know."

It was then when his anger flashed , drove through him like a spear and cut his skin , from inside to the outside.

"Things I don't know ?! What about things you don't know ? How do you think I feel being left alone for a month without a word from you ?"

"It was not of my choice !"

"It is ! You just don't want to change anything about your life ! For how long do you plan to keep it up like this ?"

"For as long as it takes !!" Lincoln shouted the reply and regretted it immediately.He turned his back on LJ , buried his hands in his jacket's pockets and breathed in."I'm no saint and you know it LJ.It happened.Got caught.Been bailed out , owed some money.As soon as I finished I drove here immediately from ,Arizona." He exhaled.LJ didn't want to know why it was Arizona nor who bailed him out and why."I've been drinking this morning a bit , ok.I arrived at 4 in the morning,then I drove some more.You don't know LJ.Sometimes we people drink to forget and make it go away for a bit.I just wanted to fall alseep for a bit. I only want you to be happy.

LJ was still angry and felt guilty , but anger was queen over guilt , as much as he felt for his father.He was thinking on various layers as the wind grew colder and the light dimmer,thinking about drinking yourself into oblivion , about Lincoln driving without sleep all the way from Arizona and the first thing he did was coming here to see him.

But it was still not enough to erase anger and sadness and some faint feeling of rejection.

"I'm not happy if you're not Lincoln." He gave it out without thinking.How and why he did not call him "Dad" was beyond him and even if Lincoln took notice , he did not bother to argue , but upon turning to face him , he looked sad,indeed like one who carries the world on its shoulders and sleeps with it under the pillow.

It was then when LJ had another revelation.That things will not change and that he will endlessly put himself to torture ,hoping that one day they will.His decision was selfish , he knew it , but he fooled himself into believing it was for everyone else's sake.That it was everyone else and not himself , that they needed Lincoln far away , so as they would not be hurt by loving him and being loved in a way less than theirs.Whoever they were.

He got on this toes and put his arms around his neck and inhaled his smell as he buried himself in the nape of his neck.

"I do love you LJ." Lincoln said ,quite puzzled by his son's reaction.

"If you'd love me the way I love you , you wouldn't be happy." LJ let it out.The little philosopher.He mocked at himself and wondered if he had the courage.He just imagined he was 10 years old again , before Lincoln could give a decent reply and spoil it.

Pulling himself away and looking at the older man's puzzled face,he shrugged his hands off him as he cupped his with his long fingers.At least now he knew how the tips of his fingers felt on it.

Unexpectedly , he buried his own lips in Lincoln's .It was not even a kiss,he could not honestly attempt one,but merey his chocolate-scented lips touching other ones , tinted with alcohol and cigarettes,allowing to the imagination to explore the many tastes his tongue and mouth might have , if only approached.The stir in his belly was devastating , a reaction he did not expect and that pushed him to part his lips and kiss his father's upper one ,before he was grabbed by his arms and pushed away.

Lincoln might have said something,whatever.He was sure now he'd never want to see his disturbed son ever again,so he shrugged him off without taking a second glance at him and started to run down on the empty alley.He was scared Lincoln might catch up but wanted him badly to in the same time.

But the father was grounded in the middle of an empty alley in an empty park,the setting sun sucking up his shadow,as he watched his only son running away from him after doing the unthinkable.

He was angry and disgusted at himself for allowing something like this to happen.The odds were of less than one in a million.Maybe half of one in a million.

I can't move

Autumn Men

Days passed.Lives collided into one another and some of them just walked by and melted in other webs of lives.

She knew there was something wrong , undoubtly , a mother always knows but most of them cannot ask because their children put up this facade of bravery that cannot be shattered unless they shatter it themselves.But LJ was not the kind to cling on to mommy's skirt and ask for help.Somehow he thought he was invincible and that he was old and wise enough to hold his own.She wanted to discuss it with Lincoln , but he would not return her calls and when he did,he told her he's ok,it's teenage stuff.She wanted him to have a dad now and then but Lincoln put it so bluntly last time they talked ( " I don't know if I'm the best company for him " ) that she also bluntly gave him the reply "Fuck you Lincoln Burrows !" and threw the telephone across the room,where it smashed into a wall.

She was never this type of person ,but she loved her son dearly and lately when she looked at him he looked like he had black flowers blossoming all around him.

She had no choice.She read the note he left in the kitchen, which seemed like it was his latest way of communication as he barely spoke to her - or anyone for that matter - anymore.
. were the only words that crossed his mind as LJ dissappeared from his sight.He was supposed to get him back , hug him and tell him it's gonna be ok.But he couldn't move.

Gone with Jared and Gareth to fool around and have a sleepover.I'll be back tomorrow by 10,promise.LJ

"If you're not happy , then I have no reason to ...dunno...do anything at all " He whispered again.

His fingers traced LJ's jawline and then turned his head to him and looked straight in his eyes for a bit,eyes where tears were drying out taking their place was a questionable look , tired,above purple traces of insomnia.He trailed around his other face features he'd always found so delicate in a very disturbing and uncommon way.With his index finger he pushed his chin up and a bit to the left,where his own face was as it went down from his hair to the level of his son's and he bent over him and allowed his lips to touch the smaller ones,just that and LJ instantly stiffened from the unexpected situation.He parted his lips a bit ,causing LJ to open his own and they breathed into eachother slowly,in absolute silence while the younger one let out his fears into the air and into his own breath as if Lincoln could absorb everything he could not handle to deal with himself.

He pulled his arms away and turned LJ fully to him,cupped his face,caressing his cheekbones and pulled him into an open mouth kiss,as best as he could without being too rough.He kissed his lips first , then parted them with his tongue,ultimately exploring the warmth inside that caused him to forget he had two feet to stand on.

LJ felt delicately breached.

You don't question Heaven when it happens,he thinks rapidly -as his father's actions were something he'd only imagined throughout sleepless autumn nights- you're just happy you see God.So he kissed back.

It felt different from anyone else he'd ever kissed,it was as if he was eaten alive ,there was something rough about his lips,his tongue , his warmth,but then again , why would he have imagined his father being anything else than this ?

His hands moved up and placed themselves on Lincoln's hips as if attracted by some sort of gravitational pull and he unbuttoned his jacket and felt the fabric of his sweater , and beyond that , the tensed muscles of his abdomen.This was exactley where he wanted to be.

Lincoln himself often wondered how it would actually feel,maybe his stomach would turn and all that blood bonding them would make him feel so sick he wouldn't do it.His stomach was turning,jumping,twisted in knots but it was nothing like sickness,it was something so strong and passionate he suddenlly felt like his jeans were too tight.

He didn't close his eyes , he continued to watch LJ as he kept his closed and was kissing him and genuinely surrendering to him.The look on his face told Lincoln that what his son did was nothing like the teenage confusion that hits around this age but that this , what was happening right now between the two of them,was something the child had wanted for real.He could eat him alive , so small and fragile in his hands ,as he was watching him kissing,his eyes closed.

He was the one that had to part to breathe in some air , not his son but him.He felt overwhelmed by what LJ's face was giving out.Overwhelmed , scared and guilty.

Watching him right now was beyond all his expectations,his face in his hands ,all flushed,blue eyes suddenlly alive and his lips ripe and swollen.If anyone in this world could love him , it had to be himself and no one else.He was his son , he created him,he was not supposed to touch him like this or think about certain things he would do to him .

Whatever.

LJ wanted to whisper "Dad" , but he was afraid what that word might cause.But if he called him " Lincoln" , it would be too obvious , so he preffered not to say anything.

His father bent over him again and kissed his eyes , then his temple,went below his ear and kissed him there too.

He was very conscious about LJ's hands on his hips and how his fingers clenched the fabric of the sweater and pierced his skin.

"Is this the right way to make you happy ? " He whispered to him.

LJ's right hand released the sweater and went to Lincoln's neck and pulled himself closer to him , as he got on the tips of his toes.

"Yes." He managed to choke up a whisper with such a voice Lincoln felt himself harden instantly.This was so wrong...."Yes...." LJ said again and hugged Lincoln and was embraced in return.

When she opened the door and saw LJ accompanied by Lincoln she sighed , was happy and worried all in the same time.

"I thought you were having a sleepover with Jared and Gareth " she articulated , allowing both of them to walk in.

"I was supposed to....but I ran into dad on the way and decided not to. " Came the short , blunt reply.

She gave Lincoln a short look that was supposed to mean something but the older man pretended he did not see it.

"I have to get going...me and LJ wanted to ask you if it would be ok for him to come around next week for a few days during the school break." He muttered , standing in the doorway.

She gave LJ a quick look to notice a flush in her son's cheeks and his eyes as clear as they were before.For some reason , she did not see any black flowers blooming around him.There was nothing around him, just air , and he looked just as suspended in that veil of fictional anti-gravity that she said it was "Ok" before she knew she was saying .

With that , Lincoln left,hands in his pockets.He looked mildly confused , but , just like her son , he seemed to be floating.

She didn't ask.She smiled to LJ and told him dinner was ready soon , he'd better get changed.She wanted to know , but in the same time she had no reason to ask , as long as she had her son back , with that clear smile and eyes.

LJ did indeed give her that smile of his and ran upstairs.

He felt sad , cleaned , happy and dirty.

He felt delicately breached.

Too bad she knew Jared and her son didn't like eachother and that Gareth was with his parents at a wedding in Pennsylvania.

She witnessed black flowers blossoming all over his note and handwriting.

LJ always liked to have long walks,to think and calculate and enjoy the scenery.He has been accused in the past that he took it from uncle Michael.The think and calculate part.The scenery thing must have been from his mom.

He didn't know what he was to do tonight , but he had enough money to go through the night , in a hotel or a club , so he had no worries.

He'd been awake for more or less around 30 hours already but that was now something he already knew how to tackle.LJ seriously didn't think he had insomnia , but that he simply refused to sleep because he was masochistic and he liked to torture himself.

He was walking by the river's edge,his hands in his pockets , face covered up to the tip of his nose with the black scarf .As he crossed the street to walk though the empty park to reach a few streets notorious for their bars , he remembered as he felt his nose freeze, that his father always used to pinch his nose as a kid and for some reason he found that amusing as hell while LJ was squinting in pain.

It shattered him.

It was different from breaking away from memories of ex girlfriends and boyfriends ,they are not engraved in your mind like that.You sometimes don't see gold and think about how their sihouette looked like in the morning light .But when there is a blood bond added to those kind of feelings , the memories are in irrefutable fact you cannot deny nor erase from your skin like a sun-baked tattoo that fades away if exposed too much.When exposed too much , this type of memories don't wear out,they just engrave themselves deeper.

It was not as if he didn't have a choice , but maybe he was just a glutton for pain and self - abuse.

He never had recurring nightmares,but he used them as an excuse to lay on his father's bed,wrapped in his arms,cuddled up in his chest , breathing in and out at the nape of his neck and touching his body while he was in deep sleep.

LJ's most familiar need was always to be held,embraced , protected.The stronger the arms , the better.

You don't trust many people when you come from a broken home,so you need places and people who can make you feel safe , wanted and ---

"Your mother is worried. "

LJ stopped , then turned around to face that tall man he has not seen in a while , dressed in dark clothes , walking up to him in a hurry as if he'd been following him.A frown on his face and that look in his eyes he has when things don't go his way.

Suddenly , in the middle of the emotions carrying him away and back again , he realizes he always knew what Lincoln's small gestures said.The frown , that look or the other.He likes blue.And LJ knows how to get his coffee depending on what type of growl or grimace he makes in the morning when he wakes up.He knows that when he puts his hands like that,cupped and caressing her cheekbones, on a woman's face , he wants her and he might even like her seriously.

"You sang me Hendrix's "All Along The Watchtower" when I was 9 years old and I sprained my wirst." LJ replied with a dazed look on his face.He was surprised at this memory for some reason , so surprised he forgot to be surprised by Lincoln being there.

Taken aback,Lincoln stopped a few feet away from him.

"I did.You kept on crying and I didn't knew any lullabies,that was the first thing that came into my mind." Came the explanation .

They stood like that for a while.Not too long so as not to turn ridiculous , but enough for the tension to come back growling in LJ's stomach.

"We need to talk." Lincoln said.

"We don't.There's nothing left to say." LJ cut him off and started to walk away.Away from the allery , under the safe and dark crowns of those trees that never lost their leaves ,brushing away the dead ones on the ground with his boots as he brushed aside some low tree branches out of his way.

"LJ.come back !" Lincoln shouted and started to follow him."We got to talk!"

"We don't have anything to talk about ! Leave me alone !I told you everything I had to say ! " LJ screamed back , walking faster under the trees , covered and obscured in their shadow.

But he's a small man, a trained philosopher who's never been out on a hunt.

Lincoln jumps ahead , pulls him back by his jacket and , as he reaches him fully , he pulls both his hands behind his back in a painful , tight grip.

"That's the problem son , you haven't said anything." He says as the boy crouches a bit

"OW ! Let me go ! " He twitches and starts to struggle.He knows it's in vain ,he's always been mesmerized by this man,he's always been tamed down by this man then ultimately obscured by his shadow."Let GO! "

"We can do this the whole evening LJ.You know you're gonna stay here like this for as long as it takes until you calm down."

"I'm not gonna calm down ! I don't want to calm down ! " He twisted and fought ,his scarf falling on the carpet of dead leaves and his jacket flying open.

"What's wrong with you ?Damn it , stop it LJ! " Lincoln shouted and put his free hand around his shoulders , from behind to hold him steady "Stop it ! "

The boy finally stopped as he had no way out now and he breathed heavily from the effort and with every breath he felt more lost and alone.Lincoln buried his head in LJ's shoulder and took a few deep breaths of his own.

"What have I done ? " He asked to no one in particular.He kissed LJ's temple and rested his forhead on his head,on the soft black hair.

It was then when he heard and felt him sob.LJ wasn't crying but he wasn't far away from it either.Lincoln always , always knew it was not a good idea to literally 'tackle' an idea or anything else out of his son but he often forgot that.He let go of his wrists , but put his other hand around his small shoulders.

"What do you want ? " Asked the small one in a trembling voice,his hands falling to his sides in a limp gesture of surrender.

"I want to talk to you and you to talk to me.I want you to be happy."

"You can't make me happy." Came the cruel reply.

"You can't say that you ungrateful little bastard." Lincoln replied his voice a mere whisper above the sound of the wind through the naked branches and the full ones."I made you.Literally.This..." He emphasized tightening his grip on his shoulders for a few seconds "....this is all me.When you were born I thought you were the tiniest more fragile thing in the world.I found out I can make you laugh and I can make you cry.That no one can touch you unless I want them to." Lincoln was talking into his ear and his breath caused his tiny body to shiver and Lincoln , feeling that , pulled him closer."The older you turn I know I can't hold you in the same way.Keep you with me when you have nightmares,that you become untouchable."

LJ looked down , frowning , trying not to cry.He was not his father's son anymore.He didn't want to be his son anymore.He wanted to be something else,something so exquisitely private and reserved only for him and in reply he got stories of his birth.He wished he had enough willpower to break away from him but , as always , he allowed him to overpower him and obscure him.