without wifi
I don't have internet yet (Thanks considerate roommate for settling that.)
This city is terrifying to me. I wish I could make myself be a little less whiney about my situation but right now I wish I could go back to San Diego and rot in my parents house forever. I don't like LA, I feel alone and utterly lost (prone to fits of sobbing as well) here.
I know that things will likely shape up once I get more settled but right now I'm regretting coming here. This whole fucking place makes me feel crazy and nervous and on edge all the time. My house is like this black pit of twisting hallways and tallow-yellow flickering lights after the sun goes down. I just don't feel very comfortable yet, and it makes everything hard. I went to do the dishes the other day and I even with the lights on and Chris over I couldn't shake the feeling that there was someone behind me. It's just so unnerving.
I thought I got nightmares from my medication, but apparently I was wholly wrong. I've been off it for I think, about two weeks, and the other day I had the weirdest dream. I fell asleep on the living room couch at about 2:00pm waiting for David (who I'll explain a different time) to come over, and I had one of those theatrical dreams that you see in movies that people never really dream about. You know, how everything is all wobbly and they use a fish eye lens and saturate things too much? It was like that. In this dream I woke up, looked out the front door and some guy in a half mask asked if "that" was my truck and then gestured wildly at the driveway which was filled with broken cars like some kind of mechanical graveyard. Then I heard my parents outside, so I looked and they were just there and started asking me questions, so naturally I ignore them and walk into the kitchen, which... magically has become a mirror image of the living room and my roommate is on the couch, staring blankly into the carpet. This is very weird, so I go out the back door and my grandparents are there, talking to me and everything kind of starts spinning, and then, I feel a slap on my face. Like a physical, stingy slap. And I get this idea that David is there, and I think "Oh shit" and open my eyes and start apologizing but, there's no one there. I check the whole house and the doors and there's no one.
So I sit outside and have a cigarette because that fucking house gives me the creeps sometimes. I'm sure it's just the stress getting to me, but christ is that a weird thing to wake up to.
If you have my number, please call me occasionally. I've been calling people now and then but I don't like to call other people and just sort of unload on them, so anyone who's willing to put up with that, I'd love a call. Just talk to me. Really, I'm so lost up here.
This city is terrifying to me. I wish I could make myself be a little less whiney about my situation but right now I wish I could go back to San Diego and rot in my parents house forever. I don't like LA, I feel alone and utterly lost (prone to fits of sobbing as well) here.
I know that things will likely shape up once I get more settled but right now I'm regretting coming here. This whole fucking place makes me feel crazy and nervous and on edge all the time. My house is like this black pit of twisting hallways and tallow-yellow flickering lights after the sun goes down. I just don't feel very comfortable yet, and it makes everything hard. I went to do the dishes the other day and I even with the lights on and Chris over I couldn't shake the feeling that there was someone behind me. It's just so unnerving.
I thought I got nightmares from my medication, but apparently I was wholly wrong. I've been off it for I think, about two weeks, and the other day I had the weirdest dream. I fell asleep on the living room couch at about 2:00pm waiting for David (who I'll explain a different time) to come over, and I had one of those theatrical dreams that you see in movies that people never really dream about. You know, how everything is all wobbly and they use a fish eye lens and saturate things too much? It was like that. In this dream I woke up, looked out the front door and some guy in a half mask asked if "that" was my truck and then gestured wildly at the driveway which was filled with broken cars like some kind of mechanical graveyard. Then I heard my parents outside, so I looked and they were just there and started asking me questions, so naturally I ignore them and walk into the kitchen, which... magically has become a mirror image of the living room and my roommate is on the couch, staring blankly into the carpet. This is very weird, so I go out the back door and my grandparents are there, talking to me and everything kind of starts spinning, and then, I feel a slap on my face. Like a physical, stingy slap. And I get this idea that David is there, and I think "Oh shit" and open my eyes and start apologizing but, there's no one there. I check the whole house and the doors and there's no one.
So I sit outside and have a cigarette because that fucking house gives me the creeps sometimes. I'm sure it's just the stress getting to me, but christ is that a weird thing to wake up to.
If you have my number, please call me occasionally. I've been calling people now and then but I don't like to call other people and just sort of unload on them, so anyone who's willing to put up with that, I'd love a call. Just talk to me. Really, I'm so lost up here.