(no subject)
[[there are some parts that need to be italicized, some proofreading... it's old (note the date!), so it's not the best. i'll work on it later.]]
Alexa turned her head slightly to the side, enjoying the way the other's lips felt against her skin. She ran her fingers through Jesse's long, dark brown hair, and breathed a soft sigh into the crook of the other's neck.
They always ended up at that exact moment, at that exact point in time. It was wasn't that much... always... though. It was a more 'It happens a lot and we know it shouldn't. This is dangerous!' thing. But, it was fine. It was perfect. For that moment, at least
Alexa's dark blue eyes opened wide. She had a thought. The thought. That horrid little thought that ran through her head sometimes when they got into that position and that moment of time.
I wonder what it's like to kiss Lilly.
Turning red, she shoved the other girl away. Her eyes were caught by the other's, their soft stone blue entrancing her. The thought was swept away as Jesse breathed out, "Are you all right?"
A smile spread across Alexa's face. "I'm fine... perfect, actually."
What a lie.
"I don't want to go!"
It was what should have been said, but wasn't. Instead, she didn't say a word to Jesse, rather, kept her mouth shut for the fear of annoying the other girl.
"Well, too bad." Jesse would have snapped, rolling her eyes. Okay, maybe not, but it would have been so much easier if she would! Then Alexa wouldn't have to feel guilty about keeping them from going.
"I kind of don't want to."
Jesse turned to look at Alexa, raising an eyebrow gently. "What? Why?"
"Well... I don't really want to be around Lilly right now."
"Why?" Jesse asked again, turning her head slightly, her eyes still glued to the road.
Alexa didn't answer, rather, turned up the music. Jesse prodded her shoulder, waiting for her silence to break.
"Well?"
"I dunno," Alexa suggested, shrugging her shoulder gently. "Just because, I guess. You know what? Nevermind. It's all right. Let's go."
Stopping the car in front of her house, Jesse leaned over, touching Alexa's tanned arm. "Are you sure?"
"Of course!" Alexa giggled, turning away to get out the car. "Now... I need to get ready
~~
"Are you ready?"
Alexa looked up, staring into Lilly's face. The blond grinned at her, holding out her small hand.
Her hands are soft.
Lilly arched an eyebrow at Alexa when she pushed herself up. "Well, are you?"
She was so impatient. So easily annoyed. She would get so scared of Alexa sometimes. But she was so cute...
NO.
She had a girlfriend. Alexa. Had. A. Girlfriend.
"Let's go. Everyone in waiting."
What was with the sudden urge to kiss her? What was with this feeling. When she had seen Lilly, her heart had fluttered. Everytime she saw her, her heart fluttered. Like crazy. Like mad. It was impossible.
For a moment, just a split second, Alexa swore it looked like Lilly was going to move forward, to kiss her gently. To touch their lips, to make her heart flutter...
Why the hell was she feeling like she was in love with this damn girl all over again?! They. Were. Not. Together. There was so much wrong with them. What was wrong with her?!
Jesse didn't do this to her. Never did, never had, never would.
"What was taking?" Jesse giggled, hooking her arm into Alexa's. "We thought you had died!"
Alexa tilted her head and smiled. "Almost! There was this chicken, then this monster--"
"Oh, shut up, Alexa," Lilly laughed, rolling her eyes.
Laugh for me again... Please...
Alexa flushed, and shivered softly.
I want to be closer to you.
"So, what do you want to eat?"
I want to touch your skin.
"Some popcorn."
I want you to tell me that you love me. Actually say it, not imply it...
"Alright, then."
Why do I feel such a longing for you?
Lilly turned her head slightly, and Alexa saw it. Her blue eyes met with Lilly's stone blue ones, the contacts driving her crazy.
She looked so gorgeous...
~~
They were so close, yet so far. Too far away, she was too far away. But it was always like that. Lilly was always too far away from Alexa.
The red-head turned her attention from the movie, to pay attention to what Lilly was whispering in her ear.
"It seems like they're going to fall in love," she giggled. "But they're not! I've already seen this movie."
Arching an eyebrow, Alexa leaned closer to the blond. "Then why did you want to come see this one?"
"I don't--"
"Sssh!" Jesse hissed, annoyed with the two girls talking as loud as they were.
Turning red, Alexa turned her attention back to the movie. What was the plot? Who the hell was that guy? What in the hell had she been doing for the--
She watched as the credits rolled. Biting her lip, Alexa shamefully realised that she had been paying attention to Lilly rather than watching the movie. She guessed that was why Jesse was so annoyed.
It was so odd of Jesse to get annoyed like that.
Why was she so annoyed?
Alexa picked up her purse, the one Jesse had bought her when they went to the Mall, and strolled out, ahead of Lilly.
She could feel the other's eyes prying into her back, trying to figure out what was wrong. A hand on her shoulder made her jump, and Alexa realised it was simply Jesse wrapping her arm around her.
"Are you hungry?"
~~
Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.
She kept repeating it to herself, over and over and over again. She was so nervous. Why?
It wasn't like she had never been to a part before.
Correction, she hadn't. Alexa had never been to a party without Jesse before. They'd have a sip of a drink, mingle, dance maybe, talk with people, meet someone, laugh at someone's stupid antics, leave.
But no, not tonight. Jesse couldn't come because of work. So Alexa was left alone to fend off the world. Alone.
Well, Lilly was going to be there...
Blushing heavily, Alexa checked herself in the mirror one last time. Her white shirt clung to her slender figure, the one that the O.C. girls on TV had. Her red hair was in a mess of soft, beach-like waves, reaching down to her tiny waist. Her black pants clung to her skinny legs (though she had to admit, she did have thunder thighs, much to her disgust), leaving a tad of skin between the low-rise jeans and the shirt showing.
It was all up to their imagination now.
Alexa stepped out from the bathroom, running her fingers down the banister as she walked. Her fingers left oily marks on the polished wood, and the girl immediately felt bad for what she had done. Lilly wouldn't get mad, would she?
Stopping, Alexa stared at the wood. She stayed there, entranced by the oily marks, until a hand touched her shoulder.
"Don't worry, my mom won't notice."
Lilly's voice snapped her out of her trance. Immediately, Alexa felt herself flush, become weak in her knees simply from the girl's voice. She turned to stare at the blond, eyes wide.
"Oh! Uhm, n-no, it wasn't that..." she mumbled, biting her lip, a nervous habit Lilly and Jesse both hated.
"Then what was it?"
"I've never been to a party without Jesse..."
"What do you think you'll do? Cheat?"
~~
"I... Jesse! Listen, I honestly--"
Lilly's hand pulled on hers, leading Alexa from the banister. "Look! We re-painted my room!"
That room... the room she had spent so much time in once upon a time. Where Lilly first kissed her, where Alexa had lost all of her innocence, where Lilly broke her heart...
"Isn't it cute?"
The walls were white now, instead of yellow. Posters covered the wall, and she was entranced by the mass amount. Alexa had always loved Lilly's room more than any place ever.
"Jesse, listen to me! I didn't do anything with Lilly!" Alexa screamed, pulling on Jesse's jacket sleeve in an attempt to get her back. "Please! Listen to me!"
They sat on the bed, Lilly pulling out an old notebook. It was filled from cover to cover with old notes and letters and drawings the two girls had done junior year of high school. It was so cute how Lilly had kept it. Alexa had simply thrown out all of those.
"Look at it! Do you remember any of this?"
"We sat in her room!"
Alexa bit her lip, laughing as they flipped through it. Her fingers traced the cover, and she found the courage to touch Lilly's hand as she closed the book shut.
"What happened to us?"
"We talked!"
"What do you mean?" Lilly asked, a little shocked.
"I mean, how did we end up here?"
"I don't know, Alexa..."
"You dumped me for some quick fuck. You were in love with me--"
"I'm in love with you!"
"--I was in love with you."
"I would never do that!"
"And then we just fell apart," Alexa finished, sighing. Lilly shrugged softly.
"But now you have Jesse."
Alexa turned to Lilly, tears threatening at her eyes. "Yes. Yes, but Lilly, do you know how long I waited for you?"
"Eleven months we've been together, Jesse! I'm not screwing this up!" Alexa screamed, still trying to get to the girl that wasn't listening. Lilly stared at them, too shocked and afraid to say anything... She wasn't going to ruin -- or even help -- Alexa's attempt.
"Too long," Lilly replied, staring at the bedsheets.
"Far too long. Three years, actually. Waited for you to come back..."
"But I didn't."
"Buy you didn't."
"But now we're friends."
"No we're not," Alexa spat out, anger rushing to her chest. "We are not friends! We cannot be friends! Why can't you see that? Neither you nor I are comfortable with being friends! We are not content, nor will we ever be! Don't you get that, Lilly?!"
Jesse turned to look at her, tears streaming down her freckled face. "Then why did everyone say that?"
"Lilly..." Alexa stopped to sniff, wiping away the tears, one hand still clutching desperately to Jesse's jacket. "Lilly took my hand to lead me to her room. She wanted to show me how she had redecorated. She pulled out our old notebook..." Stopping again, Alexa wiped away more tears, attempting to regain her composure. "We laughed a the notebook, talked for a while. That's it, alright? We didn't kiss, I wouldn't--"
"Then what are we?!" Lilly screamed, throwing the notebook at the wall.
Lilly's heart was breaking.
"We aren't anything, Lilly."
"Kiss her."
"We'll never be anything, Lilly."
Jesse's heart was healing.
Alexa stood up, taking a breath. "I'm going to go now."
"I would never do that to you, Jesse..."
"Alexa!" Lilly screamed, then suddenly grabbed her in a hug. "I'm in love with you, dammit! You're right, this will never work, we would never work, but I love you, god dammit!"
Alexa's heart was breaking.
It was the moment. THE moment. The moment where you don't know what you were doing. Suddenly, Lilly found her lips touching Alexa's, their fingers entwining.
But it was hardly a moment. Alexa let go, and scoffed softly. "No, you don't, Lilly. And you never have."
Alexa took Jesse's tear-stained face into her hands, and she smiled. "Let's go home, okay? This way..." Her eyes turned to Lilly and she saw only coldness in the blond's eyes. "This way, everything will be alright. Nothing... will ever be wrong again... this way."
Turning their backs on Lilly, the two girls disappeared into the car. Neither looked back as they drove off into the cool morning.
"But, Alexa..." Lilly whispered, a hand on her heart. "I really did love you."
Alexa turned her head slightly to the side, enjoying the way the other's lips felt against her skin. She ran her fingers through Jesse's long, dark brown hair, and breathed a soft sigh into the crook of the other's neck.
They always ended up at that exact moment, at that exact point in time. It was wasn't that much... always... though. It was a more 'It happens a lot and we know it shouldn't. This is dangerous!' thing. But, it was fine. It was perfect. For that moment, at least
Alexa's dark blue eyes opened wide. She had a thought. The thought. That horrid little thought that ran through her head sometimes when they got into that position and that moment of time.
I wonder what it's like to kiss Lilly.
Turning red, she shoved the other girl away. Her eyes were caught by the other's, their soft stone blue entrancing her. The thought was swept away as Jesse breathed out, "Are you all right?"
A smile spread across Alexa's face. "I'm fine... perfect, actually."
What a lie.
"I don't want to go!"
It was what should have been said, but wasn't. Instead, she didn't say a word to Jesse, rather, kept her mouth shut for the fear of annoying the other girl.
"Well, too bad." Jesse would have snapped, rolling her eyes. Okay, maybe not, but it would have been so much easier if she would! Then Alexa wouldn't have to feel guilty about keeping them from going.
"I kind of don't want to."
Jesse turned to look at Alexa, raising an eyebrow gently. "What? Why?"
"Well... I don't really want to be around Lilly right now."
"Why?" Jesse asked again, turning her head slightly, her eyes still glued to the road.
Alexa didn't answer, rather, turned up the music. Jesse prodded her shoulder, waiting for her silence to break.
"Well?"
"I dunno," Alexa suggested, shrugging her shoulder gently. "Just because, I guess. You know what? Nevermind. It's all right. Let's go."
Stopping the car in front of her house, Jesse leaned over, touching Alexa's tanned arm. "Are you sure?"
"Of course!" Alexa giggled, turning away to get out the car. "Now... I need to get ready
~~
"Are you ready?"
Alexa looked up, staring into Lilly's face. The blond grinned at her, holding out her small hand.
Her hands are soft.
Lilly arched an eyebrow at Alexa when she pushed herself up. "Well, are you?"
She was so impatient. So easily annoyed. She would get so scared of Alexa sometimes. But she was so cute...
NO.
She had a girlfriend. Alexa. Had. A. Girlfriend.
"Let's go. Everyone in waiting."
What was with the sudden urge to kiss her? What was with this feeling. When she had seen Lilly, her heart had fluttered. Everytime she saw her, her heart fluttered. Like crazy. Like mad. It was impossible.
For a moment, just a split second, Alexa swore it looked like Lilly was going to move forward, to kiss her gently. To touch their lips, to make her heart flutter...
Why the hell was she feeling like she was in love with this damn girl all over again?! They. Were. Not. Together. There was so much wrong with them. What was wrong with her?!
Jesse didn't do this to her. Never did, never had, never would.
"What was taking?" Jesse giggled, hooking her arm into Alexa's. "We thought you had died!"
Alexa tilted her head and smiled. "Almost! There was this chicken, then this monster--"
"Oh, shut up, Alexa," Lilly laughed, rolling her eyes.
Laugh for me again... Please...
Alexa flushed, and shivered softly.
I want to be closer to you.
"So, what do you want to eat?"
I want to touch your skin.
"Some popcorn."
I want you to tell me that you love me. Actually say it, not imply it...
"Alright, then."
Why do I feel such a longing for you?
Lilly turned her head slightly, and Alexa saw it. Her blue eyes met with Lilly's stone blue ones, the contacts driving her crazy.
She looked so gorgeous...
~~
They were so close, yet so far. Too far away, she was too far away. But it was always like that. Lilly was always too far away from Alexa.
The red-head turned her attention from the movie, to pay attention to what Lilly was whispering in her ear.
"It seems like they're going to fall in love," she giggled. "But they're not! I've already seen this movie."
Arching an eyebrow, Alexa leaned closer to the blond. "Then why did you want to come see this one?"
"I don't--"
"Sssh!" Jesse hissed, annoyed with the two girls talking as loud as they were.
Turning red, Alexa turned her attention back to the movie. What was the plot? Who the hell was that guy? What in the hell had she been doing for the--
She watched as the credits rolled. Biting her lip, Alexa shamefully realised that she had been paying attention to Lilly rather than watching the movie. She guessed that was why Jesse was so annoyed.
It was so odd of Jesse to get annoyed like that.
Why was she so annoyed?
Alexa picked up her purse, the one Jesse had bought her when they went to the Mall, and strolled out, ahead of Lilly.
She could feel the other's eyes prying into her back, trying to figure out what was wrong. A hand on her shoulder made her jump, and Alexa realised it was simply Jesse wrapping her arm around her.
"Are you hungry?"
~~
Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.
She kept repeating it to herself, over and over and over again. She was so nervous. Why?
It wasn't like she had never been to a part before.
Correction, she hadn't. Alexa had never been to a party without Jesse before. They'd have a sip of a drink, mingle, dance maybe, talk with people, meet someone, laugh at someone's stupid antics, leave.
But no, not tonight. Jesse couldn't come because of work. So Alexa was left alone to fend off the world. Alone.
Well, Lilly was going to be there...
Blushing heavily, Alexa checked herself in the mirror one last time. Her white shirt clung to her slender figure, the one that the O.C. girls on TV had. Her red hair was in a mess of soft, beach-like waves, reaching down to her tiny waist. Her black pants clung to her skinny legs (though she had to admit, she did have thunder thighs, much to her disgust), leaving a tad of skin between the low-rise jeans and the shirt showing.
It was all up to their imagination now.
Alexa stepped out from the bathroom, running her fingers down the banister as she walked. Her fingers left oily marks on the polished wood, and the girl immediately felt bad for what she had done. Lilly wouldn't get mad, would she?
Stopping, Alexa stared at the wood. She stayed there, entranced by the oily marks, until a hand touched her shoulder.
"Don't worry, my mom won't notice."
Lilly's voice snapped her out of her trance. Immediately, Alexa felt herself flush, become weak in her knees simply from the girl's voice. She turned to stare at the blond, eyes wide.
"Oh! Uhm, n-no, it wasn't that..." she mumbled, biting her lip, a nervous habit Lilly and Jesse both hated.
"Then what was it?"
"I've never been to a party without Jesse..."
"What do you think you'll do? Cheat?"
~~
"I... Jesse! Listen, I honestly--"
Lilly's hand pulled on hers, leading Alexa from the banister. "Look! We re-painted my room!"
That room... the room she had spent so much time in once upon a time. Where Lilly first kissed her, where Alexa had lost all of her innocence, where Lilly broke her heart...
"Isn't it cute?"
The walls were white now, instead of yellow. Posters covered the wall, and she was entranced by the mass amount. Alexa had always loved Lilly's room more than any place ever.
"Jesse, listen to me! I didn't do anything with Lilly!" Alexa screamed, pulling on Jesse's jacket sleeve in an attempt to get her back. "Please! Listen to me!"
They sat on the bed, Lilly pulling out an old notebook. It was filled from cover to cover with old notes and letters and drawings the two girls had done junior year of high school. It was so cute how Lilly had kept it. Alexa had simply thrown out all of those.
"Look at it! Do you remember any of this?"
"We sat in her room!"
Alexa bit her lip, laughing as they flipped through it. Her fingers traced the cover, and she found the courage to touch Lilly's hand as she closed the book shut.
"What happened to us?"
"We talked!"
"What do you mean?" Lilly asked, a little shocked.
"I mean, how did we end up here?"
"I don't know, Alexa..."
"You dumped me for some quick fuck. You were in love with me--"
"I'm in love with you!"
"--I was in love with you."
"I would never do that!"
"And then we just fell apart," Alexa finished, sighing. Lilly shrugged softly.
"But now you have Jesse."
Alexa turned to Lilly, tears threatening at her eyes. "Yes. Yes, but Lilly, do you know how long I waited for you?"
"Eleven months we've been together, Jesse! I'm not screwing this up!" Alexa screamed, still trying to get to the girl that wasn't listening. Lilly stared at them, too shocked and afraid to say anything... She wasn't going to ruin -- or even help -- Alexa's attempt.
"Too long," Lilly replied, staring at the bedsheets.
"Far too long. Three years, actually. Waited for you to come back..."
"But I didn't."
"Buy you didn't."
"But now we're friends."
"No we're not," Alexa spat out, anger rushing to her chest. "We are not friends! We cannot be friends! Why can't you see that? Neither you nor I are comfortable with being friends! We are not content, nor will we ever be! Don't you get that, Lilly?!"
Jesse turned to look at her, tears streaming down her freckled face. "Then why did everyone say that?"
"Lilly..." Alexa stopped to sniff, wiping away the tears, one hand still clutching desperately to Jesse's jacket. "Lilly took my hand to lead me to her room. She wanted to show me how she had redecorated. She pulled out our old notebook..." Stopping again, Alexa wiped away more tears, attempting to regain her composure. "We laughed a the notebook, talked for a while. That's it, alright? We didn't kiss, I wouldn't--"
"Then what are we?!" Lilly screamed, throwing the notebook at the wall.
Lilly's heart was breaking.
"We aren't anything, Lilly."
"Kiss her."
"We'll never be anything, Lilly."
Jesse's heart was healing.
Alexa stood up, taking a breath. "I'm going to go now."
"I would never do that to you, Jesse..."
"Alexa!" Lilly screamed, then suddenly grabbed her in a hug. "I'm in love with you, dammit! You're right, this will never work, we would never work, but I love you, god dammit!"
Alexa's heart was breaking.
It was the moment. THE moment. The moment where you don't know what you were doing. Suddenly, Lilly found her lips touching Alexa's, their fingers entwining.
But it was hardly a moment. Alexa let go, and scoffed softly. "No, you don't, Lilly. And you never have."
Alexa took Jesse's tear-stained face into her hands, and she smiled. "Let's go home, okay? This way..." Her eyes turned to Lilly and she saw only coldness in the blond's eyes. "This way, everything will be alright. Nothing... will ever be wrong again... this way."
Turning their backs on Lilly, the two girls disappeared into the car. Neither looked back as they drove off into the cool morning.
"But, Alexa..." Lilly whispered, a hand on her heart. "I really did love you."