Read if you care
For some reason I just don't have an inclination to write in LJ anymore. I used to look at it everyday just to see my friends post but I don't do that either. I don't know I guess there just doesn't seem to be anything interesting enough to actually bother to write. I used to like it because if I ever had a thought in my mind it allowed me to write it down kind of like a memory storage. And also if I wanted people's opinions they could be able to respond. Although I don't think anyone reads my journal. For awhile it seemed easier then writing things by hand. Plus if I have a handwritten journal its usually for formal events like vacation or something not random thoughts. Thats what I like about LJ I could just post anything.
But anyhow for those of you who actually read this and most likely already knows I finally graduated from college. And right now its like a dream. 4 years ago I left home to live "on my own" in college. And I felt like I grew up a little, but not enough I guess. I'm not ready for the "real world" that I've been dreading all my life. It came too fast and I'm not ready. I guess I should have been preparing, but I was more like in denial and postponing. So now I have two college degrees of which I have no idea what to do with, I'm jobless, and have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what to do next or with my life. I could look for a job and I've kind of looked around, but I have NO IDEA what exactly I should be looking for. I didn't major in anything specific like marketing or accounting. So I can't look for specific jobs in those fields. I should have just taken accounting, but I didn't want to do that 4th year accounting program. Although it would have been a good opportunity I didn't like the idea of having to spend half of your last semester in college away from your friends. Not that senior year was all that exciting. With more than half of my friends gone and the rest not willing to do anything, it got kind of boring sometimes. Well of course I told myself that I would focus more on my studies then. But some classes are just impossible. Funny thing my last semester I finally made the Dean's List. What exactly does that mean? I worked hard my sophomore year and didn't make the Dean's List. But anyway slacking off in college and not doing my best knowing that I could do better leaves me here without any clue of what to do next.
Oh and to add more to this confusion, to postpone the inevitable even further I applied for a scholarship to go to Taiwan for a year to continue studying Chinese. My thought process well I have a Chinese degree and not really any ability to prove I know Chinese and I'll regret it if I don't apply. However the problem was I had a week to decide whether I should apply and its not one of those things where it doesn't hurt to try, but you can change your mind later. It's one of those things that if I agree to apply and I get accepted I MUST go. Scary and pressured. Noone else applied noone else wanted it. Everyone that ever took Chinese have no intention of doing anything with it. Then I had to decide what school to attend since there are several. The really good one would be too expensive and the scholarship wouldn't even cover half of it. The school I ended up choosing is because it has small classes. But I hope its good. I'm worried because its not like a study abroad program. You have to do everything yourself and they won't help you. No organization. I have to find my own place to live. So we wouldn't be around classmates all the time. And I'm worried I won't get any breaks. I'm hoping that I could go visit my family in the Philippines. And now I don't want to go because of all the things I would be missing here. I'm going to be gone for a year? How do I prepare for that? Oh yeah and so I don't know if I got the scholarship yet and its already almost the end of June. I'm supposed to be leaving late August because school starts in September. I don't know when they are going to tell me if I got it and I have no idea what I need to plan for?
So currently I am home. I went on vacation for two weeks and then did absolutely nothing for a week. I've slowly gotten myself to actually leave the house. When I'm home I seem to not want to do anything but sit in front of TV and watch reruns. But I have things I wanted to do and I just can't seem to get myself to do them. And I haven't even seen any of my friends at home except for one. My mom and I did sign up for cake decorating classes at Hobby Lobby. It's really cheap and only 4 classes once a week. Here are
of the cakes my mom and I made
But anyhow for those of you who actually read this and most likely already knows I finally graduated from college. And right now its like a dream. 4 years ago I left home to live "on my own" in college. And I felt like I grew up a little, but not enough I guess. I'm not ready for the "real world" that I've been dreading all my life. It came too fast and I'm not ready. I guess I should have been preparing, but I was more like in denial and postponing. So now I have two college degrees of which I have no idea what to do with, I'm jobless, and have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what to do next or with my life. I could look for a job and I've kind of looked around, but I have NO IDEA what exactly I should be looking for. I didn't major in anything specific like marketing or accounting. So I can't look for specific jobs in those fields. I should have just taken accounting, but I didn't want to do that 4th year accounting program. Although it would have been a good opportunity I didn't like the idea of having to spend half of your last semester in college away from your friends. Not that senior year was all that exciting. With more than half of my friends gone and the rest not willing to do anything, it got kind of boring sometimes. Well of course I told myself that I would focus more on my studies then. But some classes are just impossible. Funny thing my last semester I finally made the Dean's List. What exactly does that mean? I worked hard my sophomore year and didn't make the Dean's List. But anyway slacking off in college and not doing my best knowing that I could do better leaves me here without any clue of what to do next.
Oh and to add more to this confusion, to postpone the inevitable even further I applied for a scholarship to go to Taiwan for a year to continue studying Chinese. My thought process well I have a Chinese degree and not really any ability to prove I know Chinese and I'll regret it if I don't apply. However the problem was I had a week to decide whether I should apply and its not one of those things where it doesn't hurt to try, but you can change your mind later. It's one of those things that if I agree to apply and I get accepted I MUST go. Scary and pressured. Noone else applied noone else wanted it. Everyone that ever took Chinese have no intention of doing anything with it. Then I had to decide what school to attend since there are several. The really good one would be too expensive and the scholarship wouldn't even cover half of it. The school I ended up choosing is because it has small classes. But I hope its good. I'm worried because its not like a study abroad program. You have to do everything yourself and they won't help you. No organization. I have to find my own place to live. So we wouldn't be around classmates all the time. And I'm worried I won't get any breaks. I'm hoping that I could go visit my family in the Philippines. And now I don't want to go because of all the things I would be missing here. I'm going to be gone for a year? How do I prepare for that? Oh yeah and so I don't know if I got the scholarship yet and its already almost the end of June. I'm supposed to be leaving late August because school starts in September. I don't know when they are going to tell me if I got it and I have no idea what I need to plan for?
So currently I am home. I went on vacation for two weeks and then did absolutely nothing for a week. I've slowly gotten myself to actually leave the house. When I'm home I seem to not want to do anything but sit in front of TV and watch reruns. But I have things I wanted to do and I just can't seem to get myself to do them. And I haven't even seen any of my friends at home except for one. My mom and I did sign up for cake decorating classes at Hobby Lobby. It's really cheap and only 4 classes once a week. Here are
of the cakes my mom and I made