(no subject)
chem test in about 1/2 hour. i finally feel a little bit better, a handful of pills later...
so anyway. when i get really stressed out about something, i tend to freak out. and go into this semi-a.d.d. mode and my brain quits making rational though processes. i just jump from one thought to another without connection. also, little noises that are normally "background" noises seem amplified so i focus on them instead of whatever i should be.
right so the point of that was to introduce the following, which i wrote friday in chem lecture, while thoroughly freaking out about said test which is today. b/c well...my professor:
-failed 27 kids last semester
-is on probation w/ uic for failing so many
-told about 20-30 kids after the lecture on friday:
_we (the class) are annoying her with our non-understanding
_the problems in the book are easy enough for 3rd graders to do
_the problems on the test will be very complex
-oh. and she told us in class that she couldnt make a sample exam b/c she'd already made the test.
whatever. anyway, here's what i wrote:
freaking out
& i can't concentrate
no one listening
the shadow of my hand
is a black & white kalidescope
shapes & shades
it all overlaps
classes & family & friends
me-
i don't know how to be 18
i feel so abnormal
so dumb & out of place
100 million miles an hour
no it's not a drag race
just my teacher talking
glass clinking paper rumpling
impending doom
gonna fail all over again
nothing makes sense at all.
so anyway. when i get really stressed out about something, i tend to freak out. and go into this semi-a.d.d. mode and my brain quits making rational though processes. i just jump from one thought to another without connection. also, little noises that are normally "background" noises seem amplified so i focus on them instead of whatever i should be.
right so the point of that was to introduce the following, which i wrote friday in chem lecture, while thoroughly freaking out about said test which is today. b/c well...my professor:
-failed 27 kids last semester
-is on probation w/ uic for failing so many
-told about 20-30 kids after the lecture on friday:
_we (the class) are annoying her with our non-understanding
_the problems in the book are easy enough for 3rd graders to do
_the problems on the test will be very complex
-oh. and she told us in class that she couldnt make a sample exam b/c she'd already made the test.
whatever. anyway, here's what i wrote:
freaking out
& i can't concentrate
no one listening
the shadow of my hand
is a black & white kalidescope
shapes & shades
it all overlaps
classes & family & friends
me-
i don't know how to be 18
i feel so abnormal
so dumb & out of place
100 million miles an hour
no it's not a drag race
just my teacher talking
glass clinking paper rumpling
impending doom
gonna fail all over again
nothing makes sense at all.