(no subject)
let's see how long i stay sane this break.
-already my mom is restricting my peoria trips.
-plus i owe the city of peoria $75 because i accidentally forgot to turn on my lights. it's not like you can't see with the city lights.
-tonight she was home no more than 5 minutes and had me in tears.
-& yet again (this time indirectly though) accusing me of being anorexic.
..what she doesn't get is that even though it really pisses me off when she says shit like this, really, what happens is that i have even more of a desire to be even thinner. to prove something to her.
oh to be 5'5" and 97 pounds. this is my dream. fucked up perhaps. perhaps not. there is no 'too thin'. i will never be thin enough. i will never be good enough for -him-. i want to feel that i'm good enough for -him-.
i want control. everyone thinks my life is in control, so many people seem to think my life is in order. but i have no control. i'm just good at hiding things.
pills. more and more pills. and cigarettes.
tea. water. & saltines. these things i could live on forever.
-already my mom is restricting my peoria trips.
-plus i owe the city of peoria $75 because i accidentally forgot to turn on my lights. it's not like you can't see with the city lights.
-tonight she was home no more than 5 minutes and had me in tears.
-& yet again (this time indirectly though) accusing me of being anorexic.
..what she doesn't get is that even though it really pisses me off when she says shit like this, really, what happens is that i have even more of a desire to be even thinner. to prove something to her.
oh to be 5'5" and 97 pounds. this is my dream. fucked up perhaps. perhaps not. there is no 'too thin'. i will never be thin enough. i will never be good enough for -him-. i want to feel that i'm good enough for -him-.
i want control. everyone thinks my life is in control, so many people seem to think my life is in order. but i have no control. i'm just good at hiding things.
pills. more and more pills. and cigarettes.
tea. water. & saltines. these things i could live on forever.