[fic] Things change - Reita/Ruki/Reita - 1/?
Title: Things change
Chapters: 1/?
Author: limaccia_san
Beta: shadow_fictions
Genre: angst, romance, fluff
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Band: the GazettE
Pairing: Reita/Ruki/Reita
Disclaimer: Dun own them, blah blah blah..
Synopsis: “< kiss me, before my senses come back to me and I realise what a huge mistake is this > ”
Comments: at the bottom
Ruki put the just washed glass on the sink.
He wiped his hands quietly and turned toward the other man in the room. Reita was looking outside the window; his body leant against the fridge. He looked thoughtful.
Ruki stared sadly at him.
He hadn’t the foggiest idea of what was happening between the two of them.
He had confessed to the bassist about his feelings long months ago but Reita told him that he’d not accept them, that he was sorry but he’d not stay with him. He wasn’t disgusted or anything, just surprised and he seemed very sorry that he had to reject his friend.
It was painful to hear those words from Reita but Ruki just gave him a sad smile and told him how hopeful he was that things would not change from that moment. Reita chuckled at this and pulled him into the sweetest hug Ruki had ever shared with anyone. They squeezed each other as they wanted to seal their promise to stay the great friends they’ve always been, even after this little ‘slip’.
But things changed.
At first it was for the better: Reita unconsciously looked at Ruki with different eyes. It was like he’d notice things that he had never seen before. His gestures, his smiles toward him, that were very different from all the other beautiful smiles Ruki reserved for other people. They spent a lot more time together, as if the bassist wanted to be forgiven for his rejection, spending his free time with the vocalist, trying to make their friendship stronger and deeper.
And Ruki understood and appreciated what Reita was doing for him. He was very grateful.
He had felt crushed when he got his answer. It wasn’t like he had high hopes from the start, he knew that the other had always seen him as nothing more than a friend, but he’d not keep his feelings to himself anymore. It took time to gather the courage but, in due course, he faced him, he confessed and he felt somehow lighter after, despite the fail.
He really was afraid that Reita would avoid him now, that things would turn awkward between them and that he had ruined everything, but Reita didn’t leave him alone. Even if he had to put those feelings aside Ruki was happy to spend his time with the other. This way he was able to move on, with the certainty that the bassist would always be by his side somehow.
Time passed and they both were doing fine with their lives, they saw each other at work and also during weekends or when they had sometime free.
But then Reita realised that Ruki was seeing someone.
It wasn’t like the vocalist was keeping it secret, their band mates knew it too, and all of them were dating someone more or less frequently, the bassist included. No one of them had the time to keep a steady relationship, but they all went out to have fun with someone when they felt like it.
It was not a surprise to anyone particularly, but still the news seemed to shock Reita.
He was happy for Ruki, thinking that he wasn’t suffering anymore for his rejection made him feel content, so he elbowed his little friend in the ribs for details.
And the vocalist shared, telling to him that this guy he met made him feel good. It wasn’t love, but that kind of affection was what he needed right now, something carefree, without too many complications.
So Reita too began to share his “sentimental” adventure with his friend again, telling him what kind of weirdo’s de happened to meet. They laughed about this and Ruki felt happy that his friend was comfortable enough around him to tell him those stories. Of course he felt a bit jealous but he keep repeating to himself that as long as the other would not fall in love it was aright, he’d listen and laugh about the other’s misfortunes.
But then it happened...
They were at Ruki’s place after a night out with the guys.
They had fun all together and managed to relieve a bit all the stress gathered lately ‘cause of the tour and the new single release. Ruki surprised himself looking discretely at the bassist as he laughed, smiling along at the silliness of his friends but also at how ridiculously gorgeous the other still seemed to be.
When it was time to go back home he could not help the urge not to let the other leave, so he invited him over. Reita gladly accepted and when they finally stumbled inside the vocalist’s flat they both felt pleasantly tipsy and giggly so they decided not to go to sleep.
They both sat on Ruki’s bed with a cup of tea, to help them to calm down a bit from their light-headed-ness, chatting quietly in the dark room.
When Reita turned towards Ruki to punch him for his oh so utterly retarded remark he suddenly felt his heart beat faster. The street’s lights made Ruki’s figure beam in a whitish aura, and he was... beautiful.
Reita gulped without even noticing and saw what he seemed his hands come inside his visual, occupied just by Ruki in that moment, touching the other’s face. When Ruki’s surprised eyes met his own he finally got what he was doing and… he continued.
Ruki’s skin felt so unbelievably warm under his fingertips - and soft. The vocalist eyes were still wide open but he’d not dare to voice out a single syllable, scared to death that Reita would break that wonderful contact. If this would ever be his only chance to be touched by the bassist in such a tender way, he’d not waste it with useless questions.
So he finally took a deep breath and closed his eyes, just to snap them open again when Reita pulled him in his arms. He was so shocked that his body went as stiff as a log and Reita tightened his grip, fearing that he’d pull away. He squeezed the vocalist and rubbed his back:
“Let me hold you for just a bit” he whispered in his hair.
And Ruki just felt like crying in that moment. He buried his face in the other’s neck and shifted a bit to make himself comfortable.
It felt so good.
Reita was amazed that a simple gesture as hugging his little vocalist could make him feel like that. Holding him in his arms, feeling his warmth; smelling his scent… it was beyond pleasant.
He unconsciously nuzzled the other’s hair and almost blushed hearing Ruki’s tiny whimpers.
He looked at the other, who pillowed his head on his shoulder and stared back at him through half lidded eyes, his face on fire. And he smiled, unable to resist, before slowly leaning in.
He brushed his nose against Ruki’s playfully and he heard the quiet giggle of the cute being in his arms. He stroked his cheek again and held him close against his body, enjoying the sight of Ruki blinking his eyes lazily like a kitty. He seemed relaxed and content and this was the reason why the next sentence startled him:
“Akira, please stop.”
Ruki spoke quietly and slowly as every word he was pronouncing hurt him deeply. And it did, but he finally realised that the only right thing to do was to stop this, before letting his heart be broken in pieces again
Reita stopped, for a moment, but just to slip his arms around Ruki’s wait, to hold him in place:
“Why should I?”
“Cause we’re friends, remember?”
“I want to kiss you.”
“Akira, what are you talking about?” he said, trying to hide a bit of panic.
“Let me,” the grip around the other’s waist tightened.
“Akira, no, I...” he shifted uncomfortably under the other’s gaze.
< just this once >
“It’s just a kiss. Please” Reita said cupping his cheek in a tenderly convincing way.
“But...”
< kiss me, before my senses come back to me and I realise what a huge mistake is this >
“You think too much.”
And their lips met. And it was everything Ruki had always imagined and even better than that. It was warm, wet and terribly sweet, the way their tongues entwined and how their lips matched their movements perfectly. Even the way Reita was holding him was perfect, as well as the gentle strokes on his cheek. Ruki felt like he was about to melt.
He reluctantly buried his fingers in the other’s gold locks and pulled him closer, tilting his head to deepener the kiss even more. Their lips parted and met again with soft noises, tongues licking and teeth nibbling at plush flesh.
“Akira…”
The bassist’s name came in a tender moan, squeezed between each other’s mouths.
And Reita felt his stomach clench in excitement at the sound, he’d almost hear all the feelings Ruki’s heart was full of for him and... He loved it.
He squeezed Ruki closer and, without breaking their kiss, manoeuvred him so that they both were laying on the bed on their sides, facing each other.
The warmth and the closeness that new position brought was almost overwhelming for the little vocalist who whimpered and snuggled closer, hiding his face in the other’s neck. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled his finger’s in the back of the other’s shirt, trying desperately to keep his love for himself.
Reita smiled sadly at the other’s heartbreaking behaviour. He squeezed him tightly and let himself linger in those unfamiliar but terribly fulfilling sensations.
< just for tonight..? >
Just for one night... but Reita didn’t expect that he’d get intoxicated by those sensations...
He’d ring at the vocalist’s door in the middle of the night and, as soon as the door was slung open he’d lunch in the other’s arms, squeezing his little body and kissing him wherever he could.
He tried to resist, he really did, and he knew he was hurting Ruki somehow, going to him in search of warmth and closeness but avoiding all the discussions and the decisions.
This could be really dangerous. For their friendship, their work and their hearts.
Ruki, at the beginning, was happy as never before. His love came to him in such a vulnerable state, looking for affection and he was oh so happy to share what he got. He felt like it was a start; that Reita was beginning to feel something for him, but the time passed and nothing changed. He’d find Reita on his doorway and as much as he tried to shoo him away, in order to prevent his soul to get stabbed again, he’d not. He’d let him in and he’d give him what he needed. He didn’t even know why Reita was feeling like this.
He felt used.
And the mere thought succeeded in making Ruki’s stomach clench painfully. But as strongly as he wished that that it was just a paranoid conjecture, that maybe Reita was in love with him but didn’t know how to face the situation; the vocalist knew that something wasn’t right and that it was time for him to get an answer.
Reita sighed deeply and turned his head toward Ruki, they eyes met and neither broke the connection. They looked at each other intensely, both their gazes carrying sadness and somehow fear.
“I hate this.”
Reita then averted his gaze guiltily: “I’m sorry Taka; I don’t know what’s going on myself.”
“What do you want from me Akira?” Ruki asked looking intensely at him.
Reita didn’t reply.
Ruki sighed and rubbed his tired ayes: “Akira... I... I think you noticed that I still am in love with you. I love to have you around, I’m happy if I can make you feel better, but this situation is killing me.”
Again he obtained just silence from Reita.
“Why don’t you just tell me what you want?”
“Because I don’t even know!” sighed the other.
Ruki was obviously furious.
“Look, can’t we stay like this? Like, not quite as restricted as friends but not… boyfriends” proposed the bassist.
“Do you understand what you are asking me?!?!?”
“I know, I KNOW! But... being your friend isn’t enough anymore…”
“But you can’t be with me.”
“I can’t... Taka, I can’t! You’re in love with me for hell’s sake, I... I don’ know, I can’t stop thinking about you, about… the way I feel when I keep you in my arms or when I kiss you... I want to feel again like that, but being together... I-I’m not ready.”
Ruki tried to digest the information and at last he forced himself to ask: “So what? I’m your fuck buddy now? You’ll spend one night here and the following in someone else’s bed? Is this that you want me to accept?”
“Why is it so hard to understand for you?? I’m not ready Taka; I don’t want to break you more than I already did. But you are special and I don’t want to lose you, I do want to try, just... at my pace. You’ve had all this time to notice your feelings, let them develop properly, decide what you wanted to do with them and then confess. Can’t we just... stay like this and see what happens?”
“And then? What if you realize that you won’t ever love me back?”
Reita didn’t say anything
“This is why I can’t say yes.” Ruki’s eyes were burning.
“But... Isn’t it worth a risk?” murmured Reita
“Maybe it is, but think carefully about the high stakes we’re playing for here: our friendship, our band, my sanity. Is it really worth it, for a whim of yours? Oh but, my bad, you probably don’t even care about any of these things”
“Don’t say that” replied the bassist in an angry murmur.
“Why not, huh? It’s not like you’ve proved that you care about anything but yourself” spat the vocalist.
“Shut up Ruki! I don’t have to remind you who started all of this, do I??” yelled back Reita, too angry now to notice how Ruki’s eyes got wide and filled with fear.
“..Don’t do this Reita” he whispered.
But the bassist just kept going, evilly: “But it’s true, isn’t it? And you know it! It’s all your fault, ‘cause you just could not keep your feelings for yourself!” he didn’t even have the time to regret his words that a sharp slap resounded in the room.
“Get out!” Ruki’s voice was low but dangerously full of rage, disappointment and pain, just like the angry tears that ploughed down his cheeks.
Reita didn’t look at him a moment more and stormed out of the room, his cheek pulsing from the impact with Ruki’s small hand. He got out of the front door, banging it closed and rushed down the stairs.
Just when he was out of the building, cold air stroking his face, he realised what he just did.
Notes ♪:
Again many thanks to my awesome beta shadow_fictions <3
There is nothing much to say about this. I think this is my first “angst” XD but I don't really feel like writing fluff right now, maybe I'll add a sequel later.. we’ll see..
Hope you enjoyed it, there are tiny references to personal stuff.. anyway I promise that next post will be that damn chap of "Sex pet".. I swear, I just have to write the conclusion TT^TT
Chapters: 1/?
Author: limaccia_san
Beta: shadow_fictions
Genre: angst, romance, fluff
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Band: the GazettE
Pairing: Reita/Ruki/Reita
Disclaimer: Dun own them, blah blah blah..
Synopsis: “< kiss me, before my senses come back to me and I realise what a huge mistake is this > ”
Comments: at the bottom
Ruki put the just washed glass on the sink.
He wiped his hands quietly and turned toward the other man in the room. Reita was looking outside the window; his body leant against the fridge. He looked thoughtful.
Ruki stared sadly at him.
He hadn’t the foggiest idea of what was happening between the two of them.
He had confessed to the bassist about his feelings long months ago but Reita told him that he’d not accept them, that he was sorry but he’d not stay with him. He wasn’t disgusted or anything, just surprised and he seemed very sorry that he had to reject his friend.
It was painful to hear those words from Reita but Ruki just gave him a sad smile and told him how hopeful he was that things would not change from that moment. Reita chuckled at this and pulled him into the sweetest hug Ruki had ever shared with anyone. They squeezed each other as they wanted to seal their promise to stay the great friends they’ve always been, even after this little ‘slip’.
But things changed.
At first it was for the better: Reita unconsciously looked at Ruki with different eyes. It was like he’d notice things that he had never seen before. His gestures, his smiles toward him, that were very different from all the other beautiful smiles Ruki reserved for other people. They spent a lot more time together, as if the bassist wanted to be forgiven for his rejection, spending his free time with the vocalist, trying to make their friendship stronger and deeper.
And Ruki understood and appreciated what Reita was doing for him. He was very grateful.
He had felt crushed when he got his answer. It wasn’t like he had high hopes from the start, he knew that the other had always seen him as nothing more than a friend, but he’d not keep his feelings to himself anymore. It took time to gather the courage but, in due course, he faced him, he confessed and he felt somehow lighter after, despite the fail.
He really was afraid that Reita would avoid him now, that things would turn awkward between them and that he had ruined everything, but Reita didn’t leave him alone. Even if he had to put those feelings aside Ruki was happy to spend his time with the other. This way he was able to move on, with the certainty that the bassist would always be by his side somehow.
Time passed and they both were doing fine with their lives, they saw each other at work and also during weekends or when they had sometime free.
But then Reita realised that Ruki was seeing someone.
It wasn’t like the vocalist was keeping it secret, their band mates knew it too, and all of them were dating someone more or less frequently, the bassist included. No one of them had the time to keep a steady relationship, but they all went out to have fun with someone when they felt like it.
It was not a surprise to anyone particularly, but still the news seemed to shock Reita.
He was happy for Ruki, thinking that he wasn’t suffering anymore for his rejection made him feel content, so he elbowed his little friend in the ribs for details.
And the vocalist shared, telling to him that this guy he met made him feel good. It wasn’t love, but that kind of affection was what he needed right now, something carefree, without too many complications.
So Reita too began to share his “sentimental” adventure with his friend again, telling him what kind of weirdo’s de happened to meet. They laughed about this and Ruki felt happy that his friend was comfortable enough around him to tell him those stories. Of course he felt a bit jealous but he keep repeating to himself that as long as the other would not fall in love it was aright, he’d listen and laugh about the other’s misfortunes.
But then it happened...
They were at Ruki’s place after a night out with the guys.
They had fun all together and managed to relieve a bit all the stress gathered lately ‘cause of the tour and the new single release. Ruki surprised himself looking discretely at the bassist as he laughed, smiling along at the silliness of his friends but also at how ridiculously gorgeous the other still seemed to be.
When it was time to go back home he could not help the urge not to let the other leave, so he invited him over. Reita gladly accepted and when they finally stumbled inside the vocalist’s flat they both felt pleasantly tipsy and giggly so they decided not to go to sleep.
They both sat on Ruki’s bed with a cup of tea, to help them to calm down a bit from their light-headed-ness, chatting quietly in the dark room.
When Reita turned towards Ruki to punch him for his oh so utterly retarded remark he suddenly felt his heart beat faster. The street’s lights made Ruki’s figure beam in a whitish aura, and he was... beautiful.
Reita gulped without even noticing and saw what he seemed his hands come inside his visual, occupied just by Ruki in that moment, touching the other’s face. When Ruki’s surprised eyes met his own he finally got what he was doing and… he continued.
Ruki’s skin felt so unbelievably warm under his fingertips - and soft. The vocalist eyes were still wide open but he’d not dare to voice out a single syllable, scared to death that Reita would break that wonderful contact. If this would ever be his only chance to be touched by the bassist in such a tender way, he’d not waste it with useless questions.
So he finally took a deep breath and closed his eyes, just to snap them open again when Reita pulled him in his arms. He was so shocked that his body went as stiff as a log and Reita tightened his grip, fearing that he’d pull away. He squeezed the vocalist and rubbed his back:
“Let me hold you for just a bit” he whispered in his hair.
And Ruki just felt like crying in that moment. He buried his face in the other’s neck and shifted a bit to make himself comfortable.
It felt so good.
Reita was amazed that a simple gesture as hugging his little vocalist could make him feel like that. Holding him in his arms, feeling his warmth; smelling his scent… it was beyond pleasant.
He unconsciously nuzzled the other’s hair and almost blushed hearing Ruki’s tiny whimpers.
He looked at the other, who pillowed his head on his shoulder and stared back at him through half lidded eyes, his face on fire. And he smiled, unable to resist, before slowly leaning in.
He brushed his nose against Ruki’s playfully and he heard the quiet giggle of the cute being in his arms. He stroked his cheek again and held him close against his body, enjoying the sight of Ruki blinking his eyes lazily like a kitty. He seemed relaxed and content and this was the reason why the next sentence startled him:
“Akira, please stop.”
Ruki spoke quietly and slowly as every word he was pronouncing hurt him deeply. And it did, but he finally realised that the only right thing to do was to stop this, before letting his heart be broken in pieces again
Reita stopped, for a moment, but just to slip his arms around Ruki’s wait, to hold him in place:
“Why should I?”
“Cause we’re friends, remember?”
“I want to kiss you.”
“Akira, what are you talking about?” he said, trying to hide a bit of panic.
“Let me,” the grip around the other’s waist tightened.
“Akira, no, I...” he shifted uncomfortably under the other’s gaze.
< just this once >
“It’s just a kiss. Please” Reita said cupping his cheek in a tenderly convincing way.
“But...”
< kiss me, before my senses come back to me and I realise what a huge mistake is this >
“You think too much.”
And their lips met. And it was everything Ruki had always imagined and even better than that. It was warm, wet and terribly sweet, the way their tongues entwined and how their lips matched their movements perfectly. Even the way Reita was holding him was perfect, as well as the gentle strokes on his cheek. Ruki felt like he was about to melt.
He reluctantly buried his fingers in the other’s gold locks and pulled him closer, tilting his head to deepener the kiss even more. Their lips parted and met again with soft noises, tongues licking and teeth nibbling at plush flesh.
“Akira…”
The bassist’s name came in a tender moan, squeezed between each other’s mouths.
And Reita felt his stomach clench in excitement at the sound, he’d almost hear all the feelings Ruki’s heart was full of for him and... He loved it.
He squeezed Ruki closer and, without breaking their kiss, manoeuvred him so that they both were laying on the bed on their sides, facing each other.
The warmth and the closeness that new position brought was almost overwhelming for the little vocalist who whimpered and snuggled closer, hiding his face in the other’s neck. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled his finger’s in the back of the other’s shirt, trying desperately to keep his love for himself.
Reita smiled sadly at the other’s heartbreaking behaviour. He squeezed him tightly and let himself linger in those unfamiliar but terribly fulfilling sensations.
< just for tonight..? >
Just for one night... but Reita didn’t expect that he’d get intoxicated by those sensations...
He’d ring at the vocalist’s door in the middle of the night and, as soon as the door was slung open he’d lunch in the other’s arms, squeezing his little body and kissing him wherever he could.
He tried to resist, he really did, and he knew he was hurting Ruki somehow, going to him in search of warmth and closeness but avoiding all the discussions and the decisions.
This could be really dangerous. For their friendship, their work and their hearts.
Ruki, at the beginning, was happy as never before. His love came to him in such a vulnerable state, looking for affection and he was oh so happy to share what he got. He felt like it was a start; that Reita was beginning to feel something for him, but the time passed and nothing changed. He’d find Reita on his doorway and as much as he tried to shoo him away, in order to prevent his soul to get stabbed again, he’d not. He’d let him in and he’d give him what he needed. He didn’t even know why Reita was feeling like this.
He felt used.
And the mere thought succeeded in making Ruki’s stomach clench painfully. But as strongly as he wished that that it was just a paranoid conjecture, that maybe Reita was in love with him but didn’t know how to face the situation; the vocalist knew that something wasn’t right and that it was time for him to get an answer.
Reita sighed deeply and turned his head toward Ruki, they eyes met and neither broke the connection. They looked at each other intensely, both their gazes carrying sadness and somehow fear.
“I hate this.”
Reita then averted his gaze guiltily: “I’m sorry Taka; I don’t know what’s going on myself.”
“What do you want from me Akira?” Ruki asked looking intensely at him.
Reita didn’t reply.
Ruki sighed and rubbed his tired ayes: “Akira... I... I think you noticed that I still am in love with you. I love to have you around, I’m happy if I can make you feel better, but this situation is killing me.”
Again he obtained just silence from Reita.
“Why don’t you just tell me what you want?”
“Because I don’t even know!” sighed the other.
Ruki was obviously furious.
“Look, can’t we stay like this? Like, not quite as restricted as friends but not… boyfriends” proposed the bassist.
“Do you understand what you are asking me?!?!?”
“I know, I KNOW! But... being your friend isn’t enough anymore…”
“But you can’t be with me.”
“I can’t... Taka, I can’t! You’re in love with me for hell’s sake, I... I don’ know, I can’t stop thinking about you, about… the way I feel when I keep you in my arms or when I kiss you... I want to feel again like that, but being together... I-I’m not ready.”
Ruki tried to digest the information and at last he forced himself to ask: “So what? I’m your fuck buddy now? You’ll spend one night here and the following in someone else’s bed? Is this that you want me to accept?”
“Why is it so hard to understand for you?? I’m not ready Taka; I don’t want to break you more than I already did. But you are special and I don’t want to lose you, I do want to try, just... at my pace. You’ve had all this time to notice your feelings, let them develop properly, decide what you wanted to do with them and then confess. Can’t we just... stay like this and see what happens?”
“And then? What if you realize that you won’t ever love me back?”
Reita didn’t say anything
“This is why I can’t say yes.” Ruki’s eyes were burning.
“But... Isn’t it worth a risk?” murmured Reita
“Maybe it is, but think carefully about the high stakes we’re playing for here: our friendship, our band, my sanity. Is it really worth it, for a whim of yours? Oh but, my bad, you probably don’t even care about any of these things”
“Don’t say that” replied the bassist in an angry murmur.
“Why not, huh? It’s not like you’ve proved that you care about anything but yourself” spat the vocalist.
“Shut up Ruki! I don’t have to remind you who started all of this, do I??” yelled back Reita, too angry now to notice how Ruki’s eyes got wide and filled with fear.
“..Don’t do this Reita” he whispered.
But the bassist just kept going, evilly: “But it’s true, isn’t it? And you know it! It’s all your fault, ‘cause you just could not keep your feelings for yourself!” he didn’t even have the time to regret his words that a sharp slap resounded in the room.
“Get out!” Ruki’s voice was low but dangerously full of rage, disappointment and pain, just like the angry tears that ploughed down his cheeks.
Reita didn’t look at him a moment more and stormed out of the room, his cheek pulsing from the impact with Ruki’s small hand. He got out of the front door, banging it closed and rushed down the stairs.
Just when he was out of the building, cold air stroking his face, he realised what he just did.
Notes ♪:
Again many thanks to my awesome beta shadow_fictions <3
There is nothing much to say about this. I think this is my first “angst” XD but I don't really feel like writing fluff right now, maybe I'll add a sequel later.. we’ll see..
Hope you enjoyed it, there are tiny references to personal stuff.. anyway I promise that next post will be that damn chap of "Sex pet".. I swear, I just have to write the conclusion TT^TT