Allen
Oh. Bloody. Hell.
It seems in order to protect me, my Allen would be willing to give me up, and be 'just friends'. I hate that term, it never turns out well. And I hate the suggestion of it.
... He wants so badly to protect me, yet what he would do to accomplish this would hurt me worst of all...
I want my Allen to stay mine. I couldn't trust anyone else with what I've entrusted him, so if he won't have me, this is it. I absolutely refuse to put myself in such a vulnerable position with a different person. It took Allen long enough to get me to open up, so if he no longer wants me, I'm through with trying to make it work, trying to get past old wounds that won't heal but have to be carefully tended to. I won't let someone rip them open after Allen's tried so hard to help me close them.
It hurts. It's so bad that it physically HURTS, and every time I think of something I won't be able to to if he shuns me: kiss him, hold him in my arms, tell him "I love you," it feels as though my heart breaks a little. I can feel it, as though someone reached through my chest, grabbed my heart, and squeezed with all the resentment in the world.
I LOVE ALLEN. I always will. Though he has reasons to doubt this, somehow I just KNOW that there will never be a time in my life that I will not love him.
It seems in order to protect me, my Allen would be willing to give me up, and be 'just friends'. I hate that term, it never turns out well. And I hate the suggestion of it.
... He wants so badly to protect me, yet what he would do to accomplish this would hurt me worst of all...
I want my Allen to stay mine. I couldn't trust anyone else with what I've entrusted him, so if he won't have me, this is it. I absolutely refuse to put myself in such a vulnerable position with a different person. It took Allen long enough to get me to open up, so if he no longer wants me, I'm through with trying to make it work, trying to get past old wounds that won't heal but have to be carefully tended to. I won't let someone rip them open after Allen's tried so hard to help me close them.
It hurts. It's so bad that it physically HURTS, and every time I think of something I won't be able to to if he shuns me: kiss him, hold him in my arms, tell him "I love you," it feels as though my heart breaks a little. I can feel it, as though someone reached through my chest, grabbed my heart, and squeezed with all the resentment in the world.
I LOVE ALLEN. I always will. Though he has reasons to doubt this, somehow I just KNOW that there will never be a time in my life that I will not love him.