Two Things...
Something weird happened to me tonight. I felt a weird pressure on my left ribcage...so I thought to myself, maybe it was Seira. I tried to contact her....but I wasn't able to. I was able to connect with a strange new feeling, though I can't fully figure out the receipent as of yet so to speak. But while I was mediating and concentrating....I felt a shove. Like something push me...but it was in a weird sense. You know how you "jump out of your skin" when someone slams a door and you weren't expecting it? It was something similar to that.
Odd.
The other thing...is men. Sometimes I wonder about them. You know it's hard to be disappointed when you're just not surprised anymore. Such was the case yet again tonight. Makes me wonder....Skye spends so much time talking to so many people at night, and yea...I like these people too, don't get me wrong....but it bothers me. He tells me he's not staying on long cause he has homework to do, so he will take care of that tomorrow and work more on my skirt with me tonight.
Now it's not the skirt, cause I doubted he would anyway. It's the fact that he spend two hours talking online, until Inuyasha came on, which he finally decided to check on me for to wake me up to watch it with him. Then we went to bed....and that was it basically. We tried to start a larp...just for fun....that was pointless.
*Shrugs* I'm looking forward to getting my car when I can go out instead of being stuck at home all the time. This is grating on my nerves. Cause call me rediculous or not, it feels and sure as hell looks like his attention is more directed to people online than me. I can deal with a portion of the day....not all day long.
Lilz is just getting tired of it and frustrated. I need to vent and I'm also tired of not being able to do that on my usual journal either. Hense the new one. Also...the point is...I DON'T want him to have this one cause it would only start a bitch rant about it. If I can't have my opinion on my usual journal, fuck him, I'll start it somewhere else.
It's not that I'm angry with him....it's just....I'm so tired of the games. I had a nice long talk about men at work today with Lisa and Susan. It cheered me up. Especially since I was upset to begin with. He left...and I didn't get so much as a goodbye. It might be a lot to ask...or it might be something so trivial to other people...but it's just the way I feel.
So....after talking to Alex....and other people....I have come up with my decision. I need a break away from him. Not being able to spend time with him is just too upsetting to me. He obviously doesn't have that same level of desires to spend time together that I do. He's just satisfied and happy knowing I'm here by his side. But it's not enough for me.
I'm tired of so many little things. I'm not saying I want a break from our relationship because I love Skyler with all of my heart....I think I need a break from him in general. I get so hurt when he chooses spending time talking to all these people on yim and aim over some alone time with him and me, that I've had enough.
I can't be upset if I am out doing something on my own right? I can't wait to have my car. Then I can just....up and leave. Go visit my friends....whatever I like....without being stuck here....bored and depressed to begin with.
Odd.
The other thing...is men. Sometimes I wonder about them. You know it's hard to be disappointed when you're just not surprised anymore. Such was the case yet again tonight. Makes me wonder....Skye spends so much time talking to so many people at night, and yea...I like these people too, don't get me wrong....but it bothers me. He tells me he's not staying on long cause he has homework to do, so he will take care of that tomorrow and work more on my skirt with me tonight.
Now it's not the skirt, cause I doubted he would anyway. It's the fact that he spend two hours talking online, until Inuyasha came on, which he finally decided to check on me for to wake me up to watch it with him. Then we went to bed....and that was it basically. We tried to start a larp...just for fun....that was pointless.
*Shrugs* I'm looking forward to getting my car when I can go out instead of being stuck at home all the time. This is grating on my nerves. Cause call me rediculous or not, it feels and sure as hell looks like his attention is more directed to people online than me. I can deal with a portion of the day....not all day long.
Lilz is just getting tired of it and frustrated. I need to vent and I'm also tired of not being able to do that on my usual journal either. Hense the new one. Also...the point is...I DON'T want him to have this one cause it would only start a bitch rant about it. If I can't have my opinion on my usual journal, fuck him, I'll start it somewhere else.
It's not that I'm angry with him....it's just....I'm so tired of the games. I had a nice long talk about men at work today with Lisa and Susan. It cheered me up. Especially since I was upset to begin with. He left...and I didn't get so much as a goodbye. It might be a lot to ask...or it might be something so trivial to other people...but it's just the way I feel.
So....after talking to Alex....and other people....I have come up with my decision. I need a break away from him. Not being able to spend time with him is just too upsetting to me. He obviously doesn't have that same level of desires to spend time together that I do. He's just satisfied and happy knowing I'm here by his side. But it's not enough for me.
I'm tired of so many little things. I'm not saying I want a break from our relationship because I love Skyler with all of my heart....I think I need a break from him in general. I get so hurt when he chooses spending time talking to all these people on yim and aim over some alone time with him and me, that I've had enough.
I can't be upset if I am out doing something on my own right? I can't wait to have my car. Then I can just....up and leave. Go visit my friends....whatever I like....without being stuck here....bored and depressed to begin with.