ah, ah, darling, this has killed me dead. i have commentary for the first two thirds but not really the last, and it’s 1.30 in the morning (i’m an idiot), so let me just say the way you finish things in this is brilliant and i love the way things aren’t solved but they aren’t wrong, either.
anyway, this felt so very real to me, from the very beginning; just, the tiredness - the feeling of unease that creeps up with Brendon, not sure whether something’s really wrong but aching for him all the same. it’s so hard to write that era without over-dramatising it into the poor-little-Brendon approach but you make him into this brilliantly irritable kid who’s still trying so hard. ilhim. and then how that same exhausted unease sort of transfers to pete, this weird twisty feeling in your gut. and how it comes back and back with "I don't get it either, but I think he really believes it," and i was on edge, constantly waiting for something to explain it. and then fuck, when ryan pulls: You said, and I quote, word for word -- akjsghksg, JESUS. it’s like I came in expecting a - well, brilliant, duh, it’s you, but basically straightforward kind of thing and then there’s this and it’s crazy and scary and enthralling. and THEN you throw "Hey there, psycho boy," said the other Brendon. at me and, ahhhh, seriously. your brain is the most amazing place. this fic could be crack but it’s not, it’s painful and frightening in so many ways, and you don’t make tyler into the archetypal evil-twin, and yet he’s not exactly the same as brendon; it’s such a clever mix.
something else i really loved: you told me once that brent’s presence has got to be felt in order for him leaving the band to hit so hard - the bit about him being so excited about going to England just broke my heart, oh man, so when he starts shifting and becoming careless (i thought it looks ungrateful, and it looks arrogant as hell was a brilliant interpretation) it’s not all about evil!brent and it’s just like, argh, you hate him for wasting this but you don’t hate him. and you know what a ridiculous brent fangirl i am.
and just, your real!brendon is always so realistic and so endearing at the same time; I will never understand romance novels, Brendon thought. made me make this stupid little face of glee. and also ryan, and how want written broadly on his face and Brendon couldn't stop himself from feeling a thrill of pride, thinking, I did that and You want romance or a fuckbuddy? 'Cause I'm frankly fine with either add up together and just, seriously, OTP.
because yes, this is why they ARE my OTP, the way you write them, all of this put together. that scene with the marshmallow salad (dude, whatever, you americans eat the weirdest food) - just, nyrgh, i think i held my breath the whole way through. jesus fuck can you do UST; i like the weird acknowledgment between them that this is kind of strange but they still don’t say/do anything especially to commemorate it, and brendon doesn’t stop. but then later: I'm too tired to deal with this shit, he thought, fuckkkk, way to suckerpunch me in the gut, man.
but then you fix it with the kissing! and dude, that scene is just so… quiet, and lovely, and you write it without making it overly-sentimental (the phrases a sudden burst of decisiveness and trying to encourage him, barely able to think through the exhaustion really stuck out for me) and it’s just, all the reasons i love them in one little scene. and then the confusion moving on from that, but still brendon taking what he can get (Anytime Ryan was in a good enough mood to kiss him like this -- sweet and sure -- was one Brendon wasn't going to take for granted., ahhhh, god, you truly own my soul, telisface).
this is so incoherent, darling, i’m sorry. i will try and come back with some reasonable thoughts at a reasonable hour but for now i love this so, so much, and i love you moar. ♥
anyway, this felt so very real to me, from the very beginning; just, the tiredness - the feeling of unease that creeps up with Brendon, not sure whether something’s really wrong but aching for him all the same. it’s so hard to write that era without over-dramatising it into the poor-little-Brendon approach but you make him into this brilliantly irritable kid who’s still trying so hard. ilhim. and then how that same exhausted unease sort of transfers to pete, this weird twisty feeling in your gut. and how it comes back and back with "I don't get it either, but I think he really believes it," and i was on edge, constantly waiting for something to explain it. and then fuck, when ryan pulls: You said, and I quote, word for word -- akjsghksg, JESUS. it’s like I came in expecting a - well, brilliant, duh, it’s you, but basically straightforward kind of thing and then there’s this and it’s crazy and scary and enthralling. and THEN you throw "Hey there, psycho boy," said the other Brendon. at me and, ahhhh, seriously. your brain is the most amazing place. this fic could be crack but it’s not, it’s painful and frightening in so many ways, and you don’t make tyler into the archetypal evil-twin, and yet he’s not exactly the same as brendon; it’s such a clever mix.
something else i really loved: you told me once that brent’s presence has got to be felt in order for him leaving the band to hit so hard - the bit about him being so excited about going to England just broke my heart, oh man, so when he starts shifting and becoming careless (i thought it looks ungrateful, and it looks arrogant as hell was a brilliant interpretation) it’s not all about evil!brent and it’s just like, argh, you hate him for wasting this but you don’t hate him. and you know what a ridiculous brent fangirl i am.
and just, your real!brendon is always so realistic and so endearing at the same time; I will never understand romance novels, Brendon thought. made me make this stupid little face of glee. and also ryan, and how want written broadly on his face and Brendon couldn't stop himself from feeling a thrill of pride, thinking, I did that and You want romance or a fuckbuddy? 'Cause I'm frankly fine with either add up together and just, seriously, OTP.
because yes, this is why they ARE my OTP, the way you write them, all of this put together. that scene with the marshmallow salad (dude, whatever, you americans eat the weirdest food) - just, nyrgh, i think i held my breath the whole way through. jesus fuck can you do UST; i like the weird acknowledgment between them that this is kind of strange but they still don’t say/do anything especially to commemorate it, and brendon doesn’t stop. but then later: I'm too tired to deal with this shit, he thought, fuckkkk, way to suckerpunch me in the gut, man.
but then you fix it with the kissing! and dude, that scene is just so… quiet, and lovely, and you write it without making it overly-sentimental (the phrases a sudden burst of decisiveness and trying to encourage him, barely able to think through the exhaustion really stuck out for me) and it’s just, all the reasons i love them in one little scene. and then the confusion moving on from that, but still brendon taking what he can get (Anytime Ryan was in a good enough mood to kiss him like this -- sweet and sure -- was one Brendon wasn't going to take for granted., ahhhh, god, you truly own my soul, telisface).
this is so incoherent, darling, i’m sorry. i will try and come back with some reasonable thoughts at a reasonable hour but for now i love this so, so much, and i love you moar. ♥
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I'm so glad you liked this, seriously. This story has been my baby for something like a year now.
♥
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