This could be bad.....but i'm saying it anyway...
You know what....fuck it. I'm going to talk about it. I'm trying to write this paper on a place that Ash and I used to go all the time in elementary school. We had a blast there. But I think I finally realized what this personal essay is about. It's not about the childhood imagination and how we lose it along the way (although that does have something to do with that), it's about how even if people change, places and memories don't. I think I just need to get it of f my chest before I can write this essay about all the great times I had with this person.... It's so wierd to think, that a while ago I was sad about this, but now, it really doesn't matter. I've found people in my life that mean so much to me, and you know what?..you can't hold on to everyone, and that's okay. She let go a long time ago from us (the bananas). I almost feel bad for her because it's so akward.
I'm going to U of O this weekend when I get back from Montana and she facebook messaged me. I told her I was coming, she said she'd be out of town at a track meet. I'm actually really glad she won't be there. It would've been so akward if I had to of hung out with her. I honestly don't know what I would talk with her about. She knows nothing about my life here, the friends I've made or anything else that matters here in Montana. It seems like I'm closer to other friends that I barely knew in high school compared to her.
It's kinda sad to think about how much she's changed, but in a way, like i said before, it's been coming for awhile, I was just the last of the group to see it. I guess I just had hope and faith because I was her bestest friend.
The purpose of this is not for anyone to judge or to know exactly what this is (excpet for Reske and KateO) but I'm just kinda saying it. There's no hurt, anger, or disappointment behind these words, just saying to close the chapter (and leave it open a crack). Anyway, I'm not writing this to think about it more or to care or get mad, i've been over that for awhile. It's just to finalize it, put out there what I've been afraid to say for a long time. Maybe, now I can write this essay...!
P.S. I do want to say though that I had great memories and I will never forget those, and who knows, there could be more in the future with her. But for now I'm grateful for the friends I've kept from high school and I can't wait to see you guys in a few days!