Random Stuff

[lilystcyr]

Looking for something to fill the gap
A self destructive act
To make it feel right
It seems like the only way
The only way to fill the hole
The hole that's inside of me?
Is it because it's the only thing I know?
How do others deal?
I know only one way
And it is truly the worst way
I can't find how to be sometimes
And I look to the worst of things
Trying so hard to hind those feelings
To melt them away
But when it's over
They are back again
Do I just keep doing and doing
Until it kills me from the inside
Until it eats my inner self?
There must be a better way
But no one has shown me
I was taught this a long time ago
And it has always worked for the moment
But, I can't keep doing this
It can't be the way
Help me find another way
But, there is no one that can
It has to come from inside
I have to find it myself
But for now I need that escape
The only thing I've ever known
Killing me or not
That's what I have to do
You may not understand
But, that's the way it has to be
Or I'll crumble into nothing
Have to stay up
Have to stay alert
Can't hind under the covers forever