I have a lot to think about now...
It is almost as though I am dragging out something that really should have ended long ago. It should have changed, it should have progressed by now, and I am stifling its growth and progression. Worse yet, it is for my own selfish needs and desires. This is most unfortunate. I at the least need these things to be fully known and understood by all parties involved, which involves coming fully out with everything that I can articulate. Right now, I'm not sure what I can or cannot express, as I haven't fully explored this line of thought. I have barely acknowledged its existence before now. I need to go through myself first. I need to understand what I'm doing and getting into first. I have to do that outside of the influence of others. Changes have to be made. If I continue along as I am, without everyone being wholly cognizant of the issues at hand, I will not personally be able to maintain the living lie of not revealing the true motives behind things, and will cause a great split far from comfort and safety. Poor form. We will see how this plays out.