Seasons' Greetings 2011 ♥ A Gift for midnight_ljc
Title: Boogie Night
Author: RZZMG
Recipient: midnight_ljc
Rating: R
Wordcount: 2,429
Warnings: Profanity, Snogging, Implied Sexual Situations (off-camera), Really awful 1970’s British slang (flashback!)
Summary: James Potter wakes up the morning after his stag party in a rather compromised position - and with a fuzzy memory of the night before. Merlin’s left nut, how is he going to explain any of it away to Lily?
Author's Note: First time shipping this couple. I hope you enjoy! Prompts used: Marauders’ Era, Post-Hogwarts, use of Sirius/Remus/Peter in plot, Stag Night, a good bit of British sweary dialogue, Angsty stuff that ends with a happy, sappy ending. I’ve included notes at the end with definitions for the slang, just in case you don’t recognize some terms (covering all bases). Thank you to my wonderful beta, UNSEENLIBRARIAN, who came through for me once more - you are the best! Thank you to the mods for putting on this fun fest! I’m glad to be a first-time participant, and hope to return for more Lily-James fun in the future! I hope you enjoy it most of all, midnight_ljc - this one is for you!
October, 1978
James woke up with the end-all-be-all of hangovers. Head thumping, mouth tasting like an ashtray, and sweat beginning to bead on his upper lip from the stabbing pain, he groaned and rolled over...
...right into a very naked Marlene McKinnon.
He blinked to focus.
Twice.
Yes sir, that was Marlene, all right - in flagrante.
Bolting straight up, fighting off a wave of nausea, he scooted back onto his haunches and gaped at the blonde lying face-down on unfamiliar white sheets. Her even breaths sawed in and out, indicating that she was in a deep sleep. From this angle, he could see that her bright red lipstick had been smeared up one cheek, and from the multiple fingertip-shaped bruises on her hips and arse, she appeared to have been shagged to within an inch of her life. The scent of sex was strong in the air.
“Holy bleedin’ hell!” he swore, patting himself down.
No shirt. No trousers or pants. No shoes or socks. He was starkers - as naked as a jaybird.
“Fuckity-fuck-fuck-FUCK!” he shouted, and immediately regretted it as his brain exploded with pain. With a moan, he gripped the sides of his head.
What had he done?
He tried to recall exactly what he might have engaged in to earn him the hexing of a lifetime from Lily if she ever found out, and discovered his mind was a complete blank regarding most of the activities of the night before. The best he could dredge from the depths of his grey matter was meeting up with Sirius after dinner at his house, saying goodbye to Lily with a promise to be safe, joining with Remus and Peter at The Leaky, and taking shot after shot of Firewhisky...
Shite, why couldn’t he remember what had happened after the pub, and how on Bob’s uncle he’d ended up wherever the bloody hell he was?
He looked about. It was a hotel room - a stylish one, Muggle design by the looks of it. He didn’t have a clue where, though. This was most certainly not The Leaky; he and Lils had stayed for an entire week over there this past Easter break to shag their brains out for the first time, and he knew the flooring to be bare of carpet, not covered in it. Besides, it had one of those Muggle telly-thingies that Lily was always going on about.
Sirius was lying next to Marlene on the opposite side from where James had woken up, similarly disrobed, his bare arm wrapped around the witch’s waist, his bare arse pale and striped with fingernail marks mooning the room. Next to him lay Remus, who was covered from neck to toe with a blanket - all but one unclad leg sticking out, flung over Sirius’ calves. A rumpled, fully-clothed Pete was across the room, slumped in a chair, an empty bottle of Muggle tequila in his limp hand, and another at his feet.
The room looked like a party had hit. Several cigar stubs were tamped out in an ashtray on the nearby table next to a pair of velvet restraints, his slacks, some very skimpy women’s knickers, and some large, square pieces of cardboard with numbers on them. A bra hung off the bedside lampshade, two pair of men’s slacks were thrown near the door, four pairs of men’s shoes and one pair of ladies’ heels were haphazardly lying about the room, and there was no sign of his shirt within visual range. The door to the adjoining loo was open, and through it, he could see empty shot glasses gathered around the sink, and a woman’s blouse tossed onto the floor next to a slew of used towels. It was daytime, according to the sunlight coming in through the cracks of the curtains.
That last more than anything else panicked James. Damn it all to Hades, he’d lost hours doing who knew what to... he swallowed, hoping it hadn’t been the type of activities guaranteed to get someone stuffed or to cause an unnatural strain in his friendships. At the very least, Lils would be frantic by now, or suspicious - or both.
His movement and groaning apparently disturbed the others, as they began to stir. Sirius groaned, Remus coughed, and Pete smacked his lips, rolled over, and went back to sleep, loudly snoring.
Stumbling to his feet, James began collecting from around the room the various articles of clothing that were his, slipping them on. He had to get home... He had to come up with a good excuse...“Blast it, where is my belt?” he snarled, wincing at the throb in his head when he bent over to look under the bed. “Where’s my bloody shirt?”
“Belt - headboard. Shirt - shower,” Sirius mumbled, jerking his arm in the correct directions.
James ambled towards the bathroom. Dizzy, he smacked his forehead against the door jamb on the way in and cursed. “What is my shirt doing in here?” he demanded. The place was a mess. The curtain had been torn from its rings and was lying over his soaking wet button-up. “And why the fuck is it wet?”
“Lipstick stain,” Sirius sighed, shuffling into the loo behind him, running his hand through his tangled, curly hair. “Fool that you are, you totally went bananas when you saw it and started scrubbing it off. It was trippy.” He lifted the lid on the toilet, bleary-eyed and wobbling in place. “Do you mind?” he asked, nodding towards the door.
James shook his head, took his dripping shirt out with him, and shut the door to give Sirius his privacy.
He looked about for his wand, and found it had rolled under Pete’s chair. Bending, he reached to grab it, disturbing his friend. “Sorry, mate.”
“But I don’t want soldiers, mummy... I want toast!” his friend whined in his sleep, and promptly turned onto his side, snuggling deeper into the cosy chair. His snoring was even louder this time as he fell back into a deep sleep.
Wand in hand at last, James Scourgify’d his shirt and dried it out, making sure the wrinkles came out of it at the same time.
“Why are you trippin’?” Marlene asked around a yawn. “None of us did anything we didn’t consent to last night.”
Oh, Jesus, what exactly did they do?
“L-look, uh, Marley,” he stammered, his mouth and throat drier than the Sahara just then. “Did we... um...”
“Shag?” she asked, flipping over, showing off every pretty inch of that long, slim body of hers.
James averted his eyes and hurriedly buttoned his shirt. “Um, yeah. I... uh... can’t rightly remember. It’s a boogie night to me. Sorry.”
Her sultry laughter was tinged with exhaustion. “What a fry! No, Jamie, you and I didn’t. You’re too Wally wally blood and dolly over Lils.”
The knot in his chest loosened. “Did we... do anything else?” he hedged, worried. Even a kiss would have been too much.
Before she could answer, several things happened at once: Sirius flushed the bog in the loo, Remus sat up and his blanket dropped revealing his scarred, naked chest, Pete rolled over and laid a noisy gasser, and Lily walked through the door and into the room, carrying a sack from the market.
“Morning,” she sing-songed, bright and cheerful - as if she hadn’t just walked in on her fiancé all unkempt and crimson with shame on the morning after his stag party, in a hotel room with naked people, one of whom was a very attractive woman. Walking up to him, Lils dropped the groceries into his arms and headed for the curtains, opening them part-way to let in a bit of light. She also opened the window a smidge to air the place out. The crisp autumn air blew in to help clear out the after-party stench. “I picked up some pastries, milk, and an orange juice for you, Remmy,” she stated, seemingly unaffected by the scene before her.
James’ jaw hit the floor and all he could do was stare at her, wondering if this was the real Lily Evans or a doppelganger.
When she crossed back to him, she grabbed his shirt lapels, straightening it. “Oh, good, the lipstick stain came out. Sorry about that - I’d forgotten I was wearing any when I went in for the kill. It’s my favourite top of yours, you know. Would have been a shame if it had been ruined.”
Sirius came out of the bathroom behind him.
“Bloody hell, Black, put some clothes on,” she chided, rolling her eyes.
His best friend’s sinful chuckle reverberated in the low-ceilinged room. “Cover up - what? And miss the chance for my happy todger to wave ‘hello!’ to your chipper self this morning? Chill, baby.”
Lily indelicately snorted. “Hardly enough of it to give a cheerful wag, much less a recognizable flourish. Flick and swish, Sires - flick and swish.”
Remus snickered and waved his friend over. “Do us a favour, and grab the blanket over Pete to give to Marley.”
“Be a gentleman and give her yours,” his friend countered, and there was a wicked smirk in his tone.
“Bother,” Marley huffed and stood up, completely unconcerned in her nakedness, heading for the loo. Her face appeared around the door as she made to shut it. “I’m taking a shower now. Don’t - I repeat, don’t - interrupt me.” The door shut. There was no lock clicking into place, however.
The room grew quiet, except for the sounds of Lily extracting items from the bag in James’ arms and the shower coming on.
Sirius cleared his throat. “Smashing! Yes, well, I’ll just be...” He moved to the bathroom and slipped in, looking over his shoulder at Lupin with a raised eyebrow.
Remus sighed, got to his feet, blanket wrapped modestly around his middle, and headed into the bathroom with Sirius and Marley. This time, the lock was engaged.
Pete rolled over once more, murmured something about looking for a pair of blue socks, and promptly fell back into unconsciousness again.
James put the grocery sack down on the bed and spun around in a slow circle. “What on the Queen’s head just happened?”
His fiancée, arms loaded with goodies to eat, moved to the table, scooting the ashtray to the other edge, and began placing them down. “You had your stag do last night,” she stated, traces of humour in her voice.
He scratched his head, mussing his messy hair up even worse. “Yeah, I know that. I just don’t know what happened at it.”
She turned to him, looking at him as she took another sip from her drink. “You sent me your Patronus around midnight, waking me up with a nonsense message about sending me a five-point buck for your stag party. Apparently, you’d thought it the funniest thing in the world. So, I answered... by showing up at The Leaky and hauling your collective bums out of there. Tom the barkeep was very thankful, by the way, as you lot were beginning to become rowdy.”
He blinked and looked around. “So, um... how did we end up here? And why was Marley with us?”
Picking up a pastry, deciding upon it, she came back over to him. “We ran into her on the way out, and I needed help. Four big men, all three sheets to the wind, required more than one set of hands. She volunteered to take care of Sirius and Remmy.” Her smirk twisted with amusement. “Apparently, she did an admirable job.”
The sounds of bumping bodies echoed through the wall from the bathroom, followed by some deep moaning and a high pitched keen. No question what was going down in there.
“Come on,” she offered, passing him the pastry. “The room’s paid for the day. I took care of it earlier. Let’s leave them to it and go home.”
Perplexed by her calm, he allowed her to grab hold of him and Side-Apparate them away. They arrived in a flash and a crack of thunder in their front yard. He followed her into the house, shutting the door behind, and into the living room, where they sat beside each other on the couch.
“Did I do anything I should be apologizing for?” he asked, feeling queerly turned about.
Lily blushed. “Well, we certainly did something last night. I think your friends will never look at us the same.”
His eyebrows shot up at that. “Was it a wild show?”
Her cheeks turned scarlet. “Quite. They held up placards with ratings. We scored tens across the board.”
“I see.”
Well, the cardboard with the numbers lying on the table was now explained.
He looked up at the ceiling, foggy memories beginning to return...
“Did you wear this slip of fabric for me?” he asked, slightly slurred from the alcohol, as he slid Lily’s sexy Muggle knicks from her long, pretty legs and tossed them on the hotel’s small, cafe-style table.
“Your friends are watching us,” his fiancée breathily informed him, her eyes locked on his, embarrassment colouring her apple cheeks.
He gave her his best naughty smirk. “Let them watch.”
Her fingers ran through his messy hair. “Did you send me your Patronus tonight hoping that this would happen?”
His lips parted as he grinned like the feckin’ Cheshire Cat. “Guilty, baby.”
His cock twitched in his pants as he recalled what had come next.
“Yes, so, apparently, my stag party was bangin’ - quite literally.”
“Mmmm, I’d say so,” Lily nodded, lust dancing in her shimmering eyes.
They sat next to each other and let that sink in.
“Right, so,” James finally broke the silence, clapping his hands together. “Want to give it another go? Just to refresh my memory, of course.”
His lovely witch threw him a sinful smile. “Okay, but this time, I want you to tie me up with the velvet rope - and I get spanked with your belt. You got your turn last night.”
All of James’ blood rushed south, centering within the region of his pelvis. “We...? You put me in bondage and smacked my arse?” His grin bloomed across his face, and his Little John in his pants gave a big smile. “Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked, getting to his feet.
Lily giggled. “Yes, but you can always tell me again.”
He picked her up and swung her around before leading her to their bedroom, where they re-enacted the glory of his stag party again - this time, without the liquor.
~FIN~
Slang Dictionary (for those who don’t speak 70’s or British colloquialisms):
A pair of blue socks = Children's private school uniforms in England (pre-1980's) used to require blue or black socks - no white, brown or other colours allowed, so it was typical to find only blue or black socks in a child's wardrobe back then.
Bangin' = A wonderful time. In this case, used as a pun on the idea of two bodies banging together during sex as well.
Bleedin’ / Bloody = Damn / Fucking (as in the profanity, not the act).
Bob’s uncle = A play off of “Bob’s your uncle,” which means “there you have it.” Bob’s uncle is a fictional character, who is supposedly an expert at everything. When you invoke him, you’re hoping to find answers to things.
Boogie night = A night you can’t quite recall after imbibing too much alcohol.
Chill = Relax.
Feckin' = A big amount / great deal (implied trouble-making).
Give it another go = Do it again.
Knicks = Knickers = Women's underwear
Laid a noisy gasser = Farted loudly.
Little John = Penis.
Naked as a jaybird / Starkers = Completely nude.
Shag = To have sex.
Smashing! = Excellent! / Brilliant!
Soldiers = Nickname for cut up strips of toast served to children for breakfast or snacks, usually with jam. One grows up officially when one begins eating full slices of toast instead.
Stag do = Stag party = Men's party thrown before he marries (equivalent for women's = hen's party).
Three sheets to the wind = To be very drunk.
To get someone stuffed = To make them pregnant.
Todger = Penis.
Trippin' = Going weird / crazy.
Trippy = Weird, in a comedic way.
Wally wally blood and dolly = To be madly in love with.
Went bananas = Got very irrationally upset.
Went in for the kill = Leaned into someone with the intent of tearing their clothes off and putting your hands and mouth all over them in a sexual manner.
What a fry! = How funny!
What was going down in there = What was happening in that location.
Author: RZZMG
Recipient: midnight_ljc
Rating: R
Wordcount: 2,429
Warnings: Profanity, Snogging, Implied Sexual Situations (off-camera), Really awful 1970’s British slang (flashback!)
Summary: James Potter wakes up the morning after his stag party in a rather compromised position - and with a fuzzy memory of the night before. Merlin’s left nut, how is he going to explain any of it away to Lily?
Author's Note: First time shipping this couple. I hope you enjoy! Prompts used: Marauders’ Era, Post-Hogwarts, use of Sirius/Remus/Peter in plot, Stag Night, a good bit of British sweary dialogue, Angsty stuff that ends with a happy, sappy ending. I’ve included notes at the end with definitions for the slang, just in case you don’t recognize some terms (covering all bases). Thank you to my wonderful beta, UNSEENLIBRARIAN, who came through for me once more - you are the best! Thank you to the mods for putting on this fun fest! I’m glad to be a first-time participant, and hope to return for more Lily-James fun in the future! I hope you enjoy it most of all, midnight_ljc - this one is for you!
October, 1978
James woke up with the end-all-be-all of hangovers. Head thumping, mouth tasting like an ashtray, and sweat beginning to bead on his upper lip from the stabbing pain, he groaned and rolled over...
...right into a very naked Marlene McKinnon.
He blinked to focus.
Twice.
Yes sir, that was Marlene, all right - in flagrante.
Bolting straight up, fighting off a wave of nausea, he scooted back onto his haunches and gaped at the blonde lying face-down on unfamiliar white sheets. Her even breaths sawed in and out, indicating that she was in a deep sleep. From this angle, he could see that her bright red lipstick had been smeared up one cheek, and from the multiple fingertip-shaped bruises on her hips and arse, she appeared to have been shagged to within an inch of her life. The scent of sex was strong in the air.
“Holy bleedin’ hell!” he swore, patting himself down.
No shirt. No trousers or pants. No shoes or socks. He was starkers - as naked as a jaybird.
“Fuckity-fuck-fuck-FUCK!” he shouted, and immediately regretted it as his brain exploded with pain. With a moan, he gripped the sides of his head.
What had he done?
He tried to recall exactly what he might have engaged in to earn him the hexing of a lifetime from Lily if she ever found out, and discovered his mind was a complete blank regarding most of the activities of the night before. The best he could dredge from the depths of his grey matter was meeting up with Sirius after dinner at his house, saying goodbye to Lily with a promise to be safe, joining with Remus and Peter at The Leaky, and taking shot after shot of Firewhisky...
Shite, why couldn’t he remember what had happened after the pub, and how on Bob’s uncle he’d ended up wherever the bloody hell he was?
He looked about. It was a hotel room - a stylish one, Muggle design by the looks of it. He didn’t have a clue where, though. This was most certainly not The Leaky; he and Lils had stayed for an entire week over there this past Easter break to shag their brains out for the first time, and he knew the flooring to be bare of carpet, not covered in it. Besides, it had one of those Muggle telly-thingies that Lily was always going on about.
Sirius was lying next to Marlene on the opposite side from where James had woken up, similarly disrobed, his bare arm wrapped around the witch’s waist, his bare arse pale and striped with fingernail marks mooning the room. Next to him lay Remus, who was covered from neck to toe with a blanket - all but one unclad leg sticking out, flung over Sirius’ calves. A rumpled, fully-clothed Pete was across the room, slumped in a chair, an empty bottle of Muggle tequila in his limp hand, and another at his feet.
The room looked like a party had hit. Several cigar stubs were tamped out in an ashtray on the nearby table next to a pair of velvet restraints, his slacks, some very skimpy women’s knickers, and some large, square pieces of cardboard with numbers on them. A bra hung off the bedside lampshade, two pair of men’s slacks were thrown near the door, four pairs of men’s shoes and one pair of ladies’ heels were haphazardly lying about the room, and there was no sign of his shirt within visual range. The door to the adjoining loo was open, and through it, he could see empty shot glasses gathered around the sink, and a woman’s blouse tossed onto the floor next to a slew of used towels. It was daytime, according to the sunlight coming in through the cracks of the curtains.
That last more than anything else panicked James. Damn it all to Hades, he’d lost hours doing who knew what to... he swallowed, hoping it hadn’t been the type of activities guaranteed to get someone stuffed or to cause an unnatural strain in his friendships. At the very least, Lils would be frantic by now, or suspicious - or both.
His movement and groaning apparently disturbed the others, as they began to stir. Sirius groaned, Remus coughed, and Pete smacked his lips, rolled over, and went back to sleep, loudly snoring.
Stumbling to his feet, James began collecting from around the room the various articles of clothing that were his, slipping them on. He had to get home... He had to come up with a good excuse...“Blast it, where is my belt?” he snarled, wincing at the throb in his head when he bent over to look under the bed. “Where’s my bloody shirt?”
“Belt - headboard. Shirt - shower,” Sirius mumbled, jerking his arm in the correct directions.
James ambled towards the bathroom. Dizzy, he smacked his forehead against the door jamb on the way in and cursed. “What is my shirt doing in here?” he demanded. The place was a mess. The curtain had been torn from its rings and was lying over his soaking wet button-up. “And why the fuck is it wet?”
“Lipstick stain,” Sirius sighed, shuffling into the loo behind him, running his hand through his tangled, curly hair. “Fool that you are, you totally went bananas when you saw it and started scrubbing it off. It was trippy.” He lifted the lid on the toilet, bleary-eyed and wobbling in place. “Do you mind?” he asked, nodding towards the door.
James shook his head, took his dripping shirt out with him, and shut the door to give Sirius his privacy.
He looked about for his wand, and found it had rolled under Pete’s chair. Bending, he reached to grab it, disturbing his friend. “Sorry, mate.”
“But I don’t want soldiers, mummy... I want toast!” his friend whined in his sleep, and promptly turned onto his side, snuggling deeper into the cosy chair. His snoring was even louder this time as he fell back into a deep sleep.
Wand in hand at last, James Scourgify’d his shirt and dried it out, making sure the wrinkles came out of it at the same time.
“Why are you trippin’?” Marlene asked around a yawn. “None of us did anything we didn’t consent to last night.”
Oh, Jesus, what exactly did they do?
“L-look, uh, Marley,” he stammered, his mouth and throat drier than the Sahara just then. “Did we... um...”
“Shag?” she asked, flipping over, showing off every pretty inch of that long, slim body of hers.
James averted his eyes and hurriedly buttoned his shirt. “Um, yeah. I... uh... can’t rightly remember. It’s a boogie night to me. Sorry.”
Her sultry laughter was tinged with exhaustion. “What a fry! No, Jamie, you and I didn’t. You’re too Wally wally blood and dolly over Lils.”
The knot in his chest loosened. “Did we... do anything else?” he hedged, worried. Even a kiss would have been too much.
Before she could answer, several things happened at once: Sirius flushed the bog in the loo, Remus sat up and his blanket dropped revealing his scarred, naked chest, Pete rolled over and laid a noisy gasser, and Lily walked through the door and into the room, carrying a sack from the market.
“Morning,” she sing-songed, bright and cheerful - as if she hadn’t just walked in on her fiancé all unkempt and crimson with shame on the morning after his stag party, in a hotel room with naked people, one of whom was a very attractive woman. Walking up to him, Lils dropped the groceries into his arms and headed for the curtains, opening them part-way to let in a bit of light. She also opened the window a smidge to air the place out. The crisp autumn air blew in to help clear out the after-party stench. “I picked up some pastries, milk, and an orange juice for you, Remmy,” she stated, seemingly unaffected by the scene before her.
James’ jaw hit the floor and all he could do was stare at her, wondering if this was the real Lily Evans or a doppelganger.
When she crossed back to him, she grabbed his shirt lapels, straightening it. “Oh, good, the lipstick stain came out. Sorry about that - I’d forgotten I was wearing any when I went in for the kill. It’s my favourite top of yours, you know. Would have been a shame if it had been ruined.”
Sirius came out of the bathroom behind him.
“Bloody hell, Black, put some clothes on,” she chided, rolling her eyes.
His best friend’s sinful chuckle reverberated in the low-ceilinged room. “Cover up - what? And miss the chance for my happy todger to wave ‘hello!’ to your chipper self this morning? Chill, baby.”
Lily indelicately snorted. “Hardly enough of it to give a cheerful wag, much less a recognizable flourish. Flick and swish, Sires - flick and swish.”
Remus snickered and waved his friend over. “Do us a favour, and grab the blanket over Pete to give to Marley.”
“Be a gentleman and give her yours,” his friend countered, and there was a wicked smirk in his tone.
“Bother,” Marley huffed and stood up, completely unconcerned in her nakedness, heading for the loo. Her face appeared around the door as she made to shut it. “I’m taking a shower now. Don’t - I repeat, don’t - interrupt me.” The door shut. There was no lock clicking into place, however.
The room grew quiet, except for the sounds of Lily extracting items from the bag in James’ arms and the shower coming on.
Sirius cleared his throat. “Smashing! Yes, well, I’ll just be...” He moved to the bathroom and slipped in, looking over his shoulder at Lupin with a raised eyebrow.
Remus sighed, got to his feet, blanket wrapped modestly around his middle, and headed into the bathroom with Sirius and Marley. This time, the lock was engaged.
Pete rolled over once more, murmured something about looking for a pair of blue socks, and promptly fell back into unconsciousness again.
James put the grocery sack down on the bed and spun around in a slow circle. “What on the Queen’s head just happened?”
His fiancée, arms loaded with goodies to eat, moved to the table, scooting the ashtray to the other edge, and began placing them down. “You had your stag do last night,” she stated, traces of humour in her voice.
He scratched his head, mussing his messy hair up even worse. “Yeah, I know that. I just don’t know what happened at it.”
She turned to him, looking at him as she took another sip from her drink. “You sent me your Patronus around midnight, waking me up with a nonsense message about sending me a five-point buck for your stag party. Apparently, you’d thought it the funniest thing in the world. So, I answered... by showing up at The Leaky and hauling your collective bums out of there. Tom the barkeep was very thankful, by the way, as you lot were beginning to become rowdy.”
He blinked and looked around. “So, um... how did we end up here? And why was Marley with us?”
Picking up a pastry, deciding upon it, she came back over to him. “We ran into her on the way out, and I needed help. Four big men, all three sheets to the wind, required more than one set of hands. She volunteered to take care of Sirius and Remmy.” Her smirk twisted with amusement. “Apparently, she did an admirable job.”
The sounds of bumping bodies echoed through the wall from the bathroom, followed by some deep moaning and a high pitched keen. No question what was going down in there.
“Come on,” she offered, passing him the pastry. “The room’s paid for the day. I took care of it earlier. Let’s leave them to it and go home.”
Perplexed by her calm, he allowed her to grab hold of him and Side-Apparate them away. They arrived in a flash and a crack of thunder in their front yard. He followed her into the house, shutting the door behind, and into the living room, where they sat beside each other on the couch.
“Did I do anything I should be apologizing for?” he asked, feeling queerly turned about.
Lily blushed. “Well, we certainly did something last night. I think your friends will never look at us the same.”
His eyebrows shot up at that. “Was it a wild show?”
Her cheeks turned scarlet. “Quite. They held up placards with ratings. We scored tens across the board.”
“I see.”
Well, the cardboard with the numbers lying on the table was now explained.
He looked up at the ceiling, foggy memories beginning to return...
“Did you wear this slip of fabric for me?” he asked, slightly slurred from the alcohol, as he slid Lily’s sexy Muggle knicks from her long, pretty legs and tossed them on the hotel’s small, cafe-style table.
“Your friends are watching us,” his fiancée breathily informed him, her eyes locked on his, embarrassment colouring her apple cheeks.
He gave her his best naughty smirk. “Let them watch.”
Her fingers ran through his messy hair. “Did you send me your Patronus tonight hoping that this would happen?”
His lips parted as he grinned like the feckin’ Cheshire Cat. “Guilty, baby.”
His cock twitched in his pants as he recalled what had come next.
“Yes, so, apparently, my stag party was bangin’ - quite literally.”
“Mmmm, I’d say so,” Lily nodded, lust dancing in her shimmering eyes.
They sat next to each other and let that sink in.
“Right, so,” James finally broke the silence, clapping his hands together. “Want to give it another go? Just to refresh my memory, of course.”
His lovely witch threw him a sinful smile. “Okay, but this time, I want you to tie me up with the velvet rope - and I get spanked with your belt. You got your turn last night.”
All of James’ blood rushed south, centering within the region of his pelvis. “We...? You put me in bondage and smacked my arse?” His grin bloomed across his face, and his Little John in his pants gave a big smile. “Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked, getting to his feet.
Lily giggled. “Yes, but you can always tell me again.”
He picked her up and swung her around before leading her to their bedroom, where they re-enacted the glory of his stag party again - this time, without the liquor.
~FIN~
Slang Dictionary (for those who don’t speak 70’s or British colloquialisms):
A pair of blue socks = Children's private school uniforms in England (pre-1980's) used to require blue or black socks - no white, brown or other colours allowed, so it was typical to find only blue or black socks in a child's wardrobe back then.
Bangin' = A wonderful time. In this case, used as a pun on the idea of two bodies banging together during sex as well.
Bleedin’ / Bloody = Damn / Fucking (as in the profanity, not the act).
Bob’s uncle = A play off of “Bob’s your uncle,” which means “there you have it.” Bob’s uncle is a fictional character, who is supposedly an expert at everything. When you invoke him, you’re hoping to find answers to things.
Boogie night = A night you can’t quite recall after imbibing too much alcohol.
Chill = Relax.
Feckin' = A big amount / great deal (implied trouble-making).
Give it another go = Do it again.
Knicks = Knickers = Women's underwear
Laid a noisy gasser = Farted loudly.
Little John = Penis.
Naked as a jaybird / Starkers = Completely nude.
Shag = To have sex.
Smashing! = Excellent! / Brilliant!
Soldiers = Nickname for cut up strips of toast served to children for breakfast or snacks, usually with jam. One grows up officially when one begins eating full slices of toast instead.
Stag do = Stag party = Men's party thrown before he marries (equivalent for women's = hen's party).
Three sheets to the wind = To be very drunk.
To get someone stuffed = To make them pregnant.
Todger = Penis.
Trippin' = Going weird / crazy.
Trippy = Weird, in a comedic way.
Wally wally blood and dolly = To be madly in love with.
Went bananas = Got very irrationally upset.
Went in for the kill = Leaned into someone with the intent of tearing their clothes off and putting your hands and mouth all over them in a sexual manner.
What a fry! = How funny!
What was going down in there = What was happening in that location.