Census Meme
I've seen this here and there, and figured that I've read a lot about all of the wonderful and amazing people I get to interact with on these here internets without opening up much myself. So! Here's a tiny crack to peer through.
1981 -- Still a glimmer in my parents' minds. Actually, they tried for a long time to have children after my mom went off birth control. She's about to turn 28, which, more so for the time, is getting up there in years. I was born in January of '82, so I'm going to be conceived in a couple of months, but at the moment....nothing. How funny. I've never really thought about it like that (not existing.) Very strange.
1991 -- Nine years old in the third grade ESL class. I grew up speaking English, so being in ESL doesn't make much sense on the surface, but Mrs. Garcia was probably the best teacher at my elementary school--I remember learning from her in a way I don't remember learning from teachers until I went to a different school, and I feel really lucky that I was in her class. Oh, this was also the year that I got a response for my no smoking (quit smoking?) balloon campaign. Such a funny idea: bunches of elementary school students let off balloons (near the airport no less, what were the administrators thinking?) in the hopes that someone would receive the balloon and quit smoking? Anyways, I don't remember the response, but it was pretty exciting to get a letter from far away. Was this also the year I started writing to authors of my favorite books? No, I don't think I was actually at the letter writing stage yet! I remember sitting next to Julian in class (I think I had a little third-grade crush on him) and thinking Kyle was actually the smartest one in class, though I came close. Truth? Who knows. Everything else is a bit hazy.
2001 -- Oh god, March of 2001! It was the end of my second quarter of college. I thought I was going to fail my physics class and loose my scholarships and get kicked out of school. I actually probably should have failed that class. But that was also when I realized, sitting in class one day, that I didn't have to be a physics major. I loved that subject in high school, and it was a tough break up. I kept trying to hang on even after the magic was gone and all we did was silently pass each other in the hall, but once realization hit, I was so unutterably happy. I could do anything I wanted! There are still days where I wish I ..... oh, I don't regret that particular decision in that particular place and time, but I wish for things that were outside of what I knew to do at the time--maybe a better teacher, maybe a stronger background in highschool, maybe maybe. The thing I regret is just....not being a woman in the sciences. It had always been a certainty, and while I love my life now and am happy to be doing what I'm doing, there's a part of me that thinks "well, so much for moving women forward." And then the summer, and coming back to school on Sept. 10th, and waking up in the hotel on the day I was supposed to move back into the dorms and thinking, "Wait, no. This is a movie. This isn't real life." I was lucky--didn't know anyone to even worry about in NYC, and the few friends I had from my first year were all safe and sound.
2011 -- And now, I'm older than my mother was when she had me! I don't plan on having children of my own, but it's still a weird place to be (and a place more and more people are in, I think.) How much will my life be different than hers? Sometimes she calls me and in the middle of a conversation about daily woes, she'll say: "I thought I was going to be the one at the podium. What happened to that dream?" and I don't know what to say. She choose me and my siblings over a career--it was a deliberate choice, and one she always always always tells me she would do a million times again (I am so so so lucky, it is absurd), and yet my stomach drops every time we have another version of that conversation.
Ok, but ALSO. I have a job that scares me and excites me and pushes me to learn more and do more and be more. This is the dream! I have a beautiful apartment all of my own, and if I want to be lazy and leave the dishes in the sink I can, and if I want to rearrange the furniture yet again, I can, and it's wonderful. I even have a little pet bunny rabbit, who has occasional health problems (stress-induced GI stasis, REALLY, rabbit, REALLY??) is lovely and hilarious and will run around in circles and practically jump into my lap if I hide hay oats there. Life is good. I'm excited to see where it goes.
Well, that was fun. Who doesn't enjoy a little self-reflection at times?
Crossposted on nellacitta.dreamwidth.org
1981 -- Still a glimmer in my parents' minds. Actually, they tried for a long time to have children after my mom went off birth control. She's about to turn 28, which, more so for the time, is getting up there in years. I was born in January of '82, so I'm going to be conceived in a couple of months, but at the moment....nothing. How funny. I've never really thought about it like that (not existing.) Very strange.
1991 -- Nine years old in the third grade ESL class. I grew up speaking English, so being in ESL doesn't make much sense on the surface, but Mrs. Garcia was probably the best teacher at my elementary school--I remember learning from her in a way I don't remember learning from teachers until I went to a different school, and I feel really lucky that I was in her class. Oh, this was also the year that I got a response for my no smoking (quit smoking?) balloon campaign. Such a funny idea: bunches of elementary school students let off balloons (near the airport no less, what were the administrators thinking?) in the hopes that someone would receive the balloon and quit smoking? Anyways, I don't remember the response, but it was pretty exciting to get a letter from far away. Was this also the year I started writing to authors of my favorite books? No, I don't think I was actually at the letter writing stage yet! I remember sitting next to Julian in class (I think I had a little third-grade crush on him) and thinking Kyle was actually the smartest one in class, though I came close. Truth? Who knows. Everything else is a bit hazy.
2001 -- Oh god, March of 2001! It was the end of my second quarter of college. I thought I was going to fail my physics class and loose my scholarships and get kicked out of school. I actually probably should have failed that class. But that was also when I realized, sitting in class one day, that I didn't have to be a physics major. I loved that subject in high school, and it was a tough break up. I kept trying to hang on even after the magic was gone and all we did was silently pass each other in the hall, but once realization hit, I was so unutterably happy. I could do anything I wanted! There are still days where I wish I ..... oh, I don't regret that particular decision in that particular place and time, but I wish for things that were outside of what I knew to do at the time--maybe a better teacher, maybe a stronger background in highschool, maybe maybe. The thing I regret is just....not being a woman in the sciences. It had always been a certainty, and while I love my life now and am happy to be doing what I'm doing, there's a part of me that thinks "well, so much for moving women forward." And then the summer, and coming back to school on Sept. 10th, and waking up in the hotel on the day I was supposed to move back into the dorms and thinking, "Wait, no. This is a movie. This isn't real life." I was lucky--didn't know anyone to even worry about in NYC, and the few friends I had from my first year were all safe and sound.
2011 -- And now, I'm older than my mother was when she had me! I don't plan on having children of my own, but it's still a weird place to be (and a place more and more people are in, I think.) How much will my life be different than hers? Sometimes she calls me and in the middle of a conversation about daily woes, she'll say: "I thought I was going to be the one at the podium. What happened to that dream?" and I don't know what to say. She choose me and my siblings over a career--it was a deliberate choice, and one she always always always tells me she would do a million times again (I am so so so lucky, it is absurd), and yet my stomach drops every time we have another version of that conversation.
Ok, but ALSO. I have a job that scares me and excites me and pushes me to learn more and do more and be more. This is the dream! I have a beautiful apartment all of my own, and if I want to be lazy and leave the dishes in the sink I can, and if I want to rearrange the furniture yet again, I can, and it's wonderful. I even have a little pet bunny rabbit, who has occasional health problems (stress-induced GI stasis, REALLY, rabbit, REALLY??) is lovely and hilarious and will run around in circles and practically jump into my lap if I hide hay oats there. Life is good. I'm excited to see where it goes.
Well, that was fun. Who doesn't enjoy a little self-reflection at times?
Crossposted on nellacitta.dreamwidth.org