What if ~ Chapter 1
Chapter 1~ Unknown suffering
It was rather another gloomy night for me. I held myself tighter feeling the cold chilling wind hugging me. I continued to walk, passing every empty street in our city. It was almost deserted with only a few light posts to illuminate the streets.
I was hoping I could just walk forever, praying that my feet will take me in a place where I could find shelter and happiness. But my feet were begging me to stop. I didn’t, although every step was a struggle I kept on walking just because it helps me to forget.
Surprisingly, my feet took me to the place where I once found happiness. Yes, ONCE!
With bitterness I sat into a familiar old wooden bench under a big tree. I looked at it and I smiled “You grew big Tammy”
A gush of wind came blowing and it made Tammy swayed, like telling me that he was glad I’m back.
I clasp my left chest as I realized that I am not supposed to be in this place. I remembered the main reason why I was walking this very night. It was because I was running away from something.
I was running away from the pain and loneliness, the physical and emotional torture I was experiencing.
I cursed at my feet, blaming and asking them why the hell did they led me back to the memories that I was struggling to forget. As if my current struggles was not enough for them…. they want me to remember the past now?
“Ouch!” I winced in pain after I accidentally touch my face totally forgetting about the multiple slaps and punches I received a few hours ago. I can’t believe I let him beat me again.
I smoothly run my fingers in the hard rough surface of the wooden bench. Details of love and adoration, names and promises roughly and unskillfully etched on the surface of this poor non living thing.
I slide myself into the end of the wooden bench and run the tip of my middle and index finger into one of the familiar engraving
In as much as I don’t want to remember everything, reality hit me again.
I felt my chest burning with pain and my tears suddenly wetting my still aching face. Tears muddled with the dried blood that was already on it. I cringe as the salty tears passed by my fresh cuts and wounds. The sting it made was unbearable.
“How could you make me suffer like this?” sniffing and choking my tears back as I looked intently into the etched characters as if talking to it and wanting it to answer me back “but….. I wish you happiness”
I softly muttered my hatred and regret as my voice faded into the stillness and chillness of the night.
*Ring…..
I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears by the back of my hand being careful not to touch my already beaten face before answering my phone. I knew who the caller was, and I believe my suffering today hasn’t ended yet.
“WHERE THE FU^CK ARE YOU!?”
“I…. I…went out for a walk… ” I stuttered. I was even afraid with just his voice.
“WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE JUST LIKE THAT HUH? GET YOUR FU^CKIN ASS BACK HERE OR I SWEAR YOU’LL GONNA GET IT AGAIN!”
“Please… please don’t get mad… I’ll be back soon…. I’m… I’m sorry….” I can’t really help but cry.
Then he hanged up.
Still shaking I gently place my phone into the side pocket of my thin oversize jacket pulling its hood to cover my head and distorted face again, as I wiped away my tears by my sleeves of my jacket… tainting it with blood splotches.
I looked back at Tammy and the wooden bench one last time
“I’ll come back soon if…. I’ll be able to survive this time”
With body still aching and heart suffering I slowly drag my feet and started to walk. I flinch with every painful step that I make.
I was preparing myself for another set of physical and mental torture.
I am now heading back to the place I always considered as hell. A life I wished no one else will experience.
Life?
I wouldn’t call that either. I am now a body with no soul. All the hopes in me were gone. As I live my life in anguish, where I could barely get up and walk every morning, it’s as simple as saying that Kim Junsu is no longer alive. I was dead a long time ago.
*************
A/N - Cliche enough??? well i love cliche's hahahha
It was rather another gloomy night for me. I held myself tighter feeling the cold chilling wind hugging me. I continued to walk, passing every empty street in our city. It was almost deserted with only a few light posts to illuminate the streets.
I was hoping I could just walk forever, praying that my feet will take me in a place where I could find shelter and happiness. But my feet were begging me to stop. I didn’t, although every step was a struggle I kept on walking just because it helps me to forget.
Surprisingly, my feet took me to the place where I once found happiness. Yes, ONCE!
With bitterness I sat into a familiar old wooden bench under a big tree. I looked at it and I smiled “You grew big Tammy”
A gush of wind came blowing and it made Tammy swayed, like telling me that he was glad I’m back.
I clasp my left chest as I realized that I am not supposed to be in this place. I remembered the main reason why I was walking this very night. It was because I was running away from something.
I was running away from the pain and loneliness, the physical and emotional torture I was experiencing.
I cursed at my feet, blaming and asking them why the hell did they led me back to the memories that I was struggling to forget. As if my current struggles was not enough for them…. they want me to remember the past now?
“Ouch!” I winced in pain after I accidentally touch my face totally forgetting about the multiple slaps and punches I received a few hours ago. I can’t believe I let him beat me again.
I smoothly run my fingers in the hard rough surface of the wooden bench. Details of love and adoration, names and promises roughly and unskillfully etched on the surface of this poor non living thing.
I slide myself into the end of the wooden bench and run the tip of my middle and index finger into one of the familiar engraving
In as much as I don’t want to remember everything, reality hit me again.
I felt my chest burning with pain and my tears suddenly wetting my still aching face. Tears muddled with the dried blood that was already on it. I cringe as the salty tears passed by my fresh cuts and wounds. The sting it made was unbearable.
“How could you make me suffer like this?” sniffing and choking my tears back as I looked intently into the etched characters as if talking to it and wanting it to answer me back “but….. I wish you happiness”
I softly muttered my hatred and regret as my voice faded into the stillness and chillness of the night.
*Ring…..
I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears by the back of my hand being careful not to touch my already beaten face before answering my phone. I knew who the caller was, and I believe my suffering today hasn’t ended yet.
“WHERE THE FU^CK ARE YOU!?”
“I…. I…went out for a walk… ” I stuttered. I was even afraid with just his voice.
“WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE JUST LIKE THAT HUH? GET YOUR FU^CKIN ASS BACK HERE OR I SWEAR YOU’LL GONNA GET IT AGAIN!”
“Please… please don’t get mad… I’ll be back soon…. I’m… I’m sorry….” I can’t really help but cry.
Then he hanged up.
Still shaking I gently place my phone into the side pocket of my thin oversize jacket pulling its hood to cover my head and distorted face again, as I wiped away my tears by my sleeves of my jacket… tainting it with blood splotches.
I looked back at Tammy and the wooden bench one last time
“I’ll come back soon if…. I’ll be able to survive this time”
With body still aching and heart suffering I slowly drag my feet and started to walk. I flinch with every painful step that I make.
I was preparing myself for another set of physical and mental torture.
I am now heading back to the place I always considered as hell. A life I wished no one else will experience.
Life?
I wouldn’t call that either. I am now a body with no soul. All the hopes in me were gone. As I live my life in anguish, where I could barely get up and walk every morning, it’s as simple as saying that Kim Junsu is no longer alive. I was dead a long time ago.
*************
A/N - Cliche enough??? well i love cliche's hahahha