Frak You, Mary Sue, a BSG fanfic
It's a Mary Sue Parody! Run for your lives!
I thought some of you might appreciate me writing humor for once, because I've probably been pretty depressing lately with my Past Lives series. (It's a completely different story in the LotR fandom, but whatevs.) Thanks go to laurawillows for betaing, as usual. :]
Title: Frak You, Mary Sue
Author: Lily Winterwood
Rating: K+
Fandom: BSG
Characters: Laura Roslin
Pairings: A/R, Mary Sue/Every other male in the BSG universe. What? It was to be expected.
Summary: Laura's thoughts about Mary Sue.
Disclaimer: I don't own BSG, but sooner or later my birthday will be here again and RDM is more than welcome to get me the present of a lifetime ... *hinthintwinkwink*
Frak you, Mary Sue
Frak you, Mary Sue.
For three days already, all anyone will talk about is you. The Quorum is positively kissing your feet. The press hold heated debates over your favorite color. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard how you were rescued by Lee from certain death at the mechanical hands of the Cylons, and how you dramatically fainted as he carried you to sickbay. I don’t want to hear it again; it makes me sick.
Bill’s no better. What is it with him nowadays? All he ever talks about is how you apparently come from Earth and will lead us there, effectively upstaging me. If you’re the dying leader, what am I? The Admiral’s bedfellow?
Not that I’d complain, but still.
At least Kara still has a sembelance of sanity left and she’s not bowing and scraping at your feet because of your waist-length strawberry blonde hair and your overly-sparkly blue-green-purple-pink-red-gold-silver-aqua-grey eyes that change color with your mood. I see where you get your callsign (Glittereyes? I wouldn’t wish that name on my worst enemy. Oh wait, you are my worst enemy.) now. Anyone else with that amount of glitter in their eyes and hair would blind themselves by looking in the mirror. I wonder how you do it.
Lee’s been hit the worst. He’s like a puppy, complete with drool. Dee isn’t too happy about it. She seems to have developed into a whiny bitch overnight. Athena and Helo aren’t doing so well either. Helo’s out of it and Athena’s taken to saying the word ‘like’ at least ten times per sentence.
Baltar’s obviously scheming to seduce you. Eurgh. Zarek’s smitten. Bleaugh. Gaeta’s made a vanishing act, Chief Tyrol’s looking bewildered, and Colonel Tigh’s getting more and more drunk.
I know you’re up to something tonight, Mary Sue. I can see it in your eyes. Keep your perfectly manicured hands off of my Admiral or I’ll have to airlock a bitch.
You obviously didn’t listen. I saw you. You copped a feel off of both Bill and Lee. You are so dead.
Come to think of it, you and Ellen Tigh should get together sometime and drive each other insane with your mindless rabble about your many romantic conquests. I’d like that very much … did you just do what I thought you did?
Oh my frakking Gods. How dare you! You just kissed MY Bill. That’s it, Mary Sue. You are so going out that airlock right this frakking minute.
Yup, I just slapped you. If it isn’t painful enough for you, I’ll slap you again. I don’t care that everyone in CIC is looking at me like I’ve gone crazy. All I’m seeing is red.
Airlock. Now.
I never knew I had the strength to drag you down to the airlock by myself. I guess rage does help.
I’ll personally press the button to vent you out into space. Think of it as an honor, Mary Sue.
Goodbye and good riddance.
Now I need to go back and make Bill all hot and bothered.
I thought some of you might appreciate me writing humor for once, because I've probably been pretty depressing lately with my Past Lives series. (It's a completely different story in the LotR fandom, but whatevs.) Thanks go to laurawillows for betaing, as usual. :]
Title: Frak You, Mary Sue
Author: Lily Winterwood
Rating: K+
Fandom: BSG
Characters: Laura Roslin
Pairings: A/R, Mary Sue/Every other male in the BSG universe. What? It was to be expected.
Summary: Laura's thoughts about Mary Sue.
Disclaimer: I don't own BSG, but sooner or later my birthday will be here again and RDM is more than welcome to get me the present of a lifetime ... *hinthintwinkwink*
Frak you, Mary Sue
Frak you, Mary Sue.
For three days already, all anyone will talk about is you. The Quorum is positively kissing your feet. The press hold heated debates over your favorite color. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard how you were rescued by Lee from certain death at the mechanical hands of the Cylons, and how you dramatically fainted as he carried you to sickbay. I don’t want to hear it again; it makes me sick.
Bill’s no better. What is it with him nowadays? All he ever talks about is how you apparently come from Earth and will lead us there, effectively upstaging me. If you’re the dying leader, what am I? The Admiral’s bedfellow?
Not that I’d complain, but still.
At least Kara still has a sembelance of sanity left and she’s not bowing and scraping at your feet because of your waist-length strawberry blonde hair and your overly-sparkly blue-green-purple-pink-red-gold-silver-aqua-grey eyes that change color with your mood. I see where you get your callsign (Glittereyes? I wouldn’t wish that name on my worst enemy. Oh wait, you are my worst enemy.) now. Anyone else with that amount of glitter in their eyes and hair would blind themselves by looking in the mirror. I wonder how you do it.
Lee’s been hit the worst. He’s like a puppy, complete with drool. Dee isn’t too happy about it. She seems to have developed into a whiny bitch overnight. Athena and Helo aren’t doing so well either. Helo’s out of it and Athena’s taken to saying the word ‘like’ at least ten times per sentence.
Baltar’s obviously scheming to seduce you. Eurgh. Zarek’s smitten. Bleaugh. Gaeta’s made a vanishing act, Chief Tyrol’s looking bewildered, and Colonel Tigh’s getting more and more drunk.
I know you’re up to something tonight, Mary Sue. I can see it in your eyes. Keep your perfectly manicured hands off of my Admiral or I’ll have to airlock a bitch.
You obviously didn’t listen. I saw you. You copped a feel off of both Bill and Lee. You are so dead.
Come to think of it, you and Ellen Tigh should get together sometime and drive each other insane with your mindless rabble about your many romantic conquests. I’d like that very much … did you just do what I thought you did?
Oh my frakking Gods. How dare you! You just kissed MY Bill. That’s it, Mary Sue. You are so going out that airlock right this frakking minute.
Yup, I just slapped you. If it isn’t painful enough for you, I’ll slap you again. I don’t care that everyone in CIC is looking at me like I’ve gone crazy. All I’m seeing is red.
Airlock. Now.
I never knew I had the strength to drag you down to the airlock by myself. I guess rage does help.
I’ll personally press the button to vent you out into space. Think of it as an honor, Mary Sue.
Goodbye and good riddance.
Now I need to go back and make Bill all hot and bothered.