i know you're fine, but what do i do?
i'm stuck in a rather uncomfortable predicament.
see, my GCSE mocks start in 5 days, and i can't bothered. More than that, I can't be bothered for even the real ones.
I've been listening to Luke saying about how of course he's enjoying uni, but he's excited to get out in the "real world". How he's always been one to look forward to that next step - in year 11 looking forward to sixth form, in sixth form looking forward to uni, etc...
And that's where my problem lays. I thought, "hey, so what that you're not enjoying school right now. You'll be that person who blossoms with the freedom of sixth form," but that's exactly it. I'm not looking forward to sixth form, and i'm not looking forward to University, and i'm not looking forward to "real life".
I'm not looking forward to it, and frankly, i don't want to ever get there. So then I think, do thoughts like those count as suicidal? I don't know. I've never felt the straight up inclination to end my life, but i permanently feel as if I wouldn't care if I never existed at all, or it just stopped.
In fact, I think that might be the only think I am looking forward too.
I guess I also look forward to P.E. lessons - no stress - but thanks to these mocks, i won't have one until February.
see, my GCSE mocks start in 5 days, and i can't bothered. More than that, I can't be bothered for even the real ones.
I've been listening to Luke saying about how of course he's enjoying uni, but he's excited to get out in the "real world". How he's always been one to look forward to that next step - in year 11 looking forward to sixth form, in sixth form looking forward to uni, etc...
And that's where my problem lays. I thought, "hey, so what that you're not enjoying school right now. You'll be that person who blossoms with the freedom of sixth form," but that's exactly it. I'm not looking forward to sixth form, and i'm not looking forward to University, and i'm not looking forward to "real life".
I'm not looking forward to it, and frankly, i don't want to ever get there. So then I think, do thoughts like those count as suicidal? I don't know. I've never felt the straight up inclination to end my life, but i permanently feel as if I wouldn't care if I never existed at all, or it just stopped.
In fact, I think that might be the only think I am looking forward too.
I guess I also look forward to P.E. lessons - no stress - but thanks to these mocks, i won't have one until February.