you dont think ive said enough.
ive been spending every single day of the weekend for the past 3 weeks with mike britt and jason. its fun. but sometimes i have no time for myself. i dont have homework time or time to clean my room or time to spend with my family. last night was the first weekend night that we didnt hang out. i cleaned my entire room and it makes me happy. i slept over jasons on saturday night. that was cool. my parents let me sleeep whereever and they let mike sleep over all the time. i dunno whats gotten into them but i like it. my mom even let me sleep over mikes on a wednesday night when i had school the next day. i miss hanging out with courtney and luci on the weekends and doing absolutely nothing. i hate how mike just assumes that we are hanging out everyday of every weekend. i need to straighten this kid out hah. oh hes my boyfriend by the way. he loves me and thats nice. it too early for me to love him. whateves. mike talks to salena alot and it pisses me off so i decided that i would just hang out with mattt to get even. so i did. we honestly did nothing. i was so afraid of hanging out with him because its so hard to not kiss him and be all over him but i did it. we sat at beachwood beach and talked for 3 hours. i sooo needed that talk. we both cried and huggged. i dunno. it was kinda like closure i guess. he apologized for doing all the stupid shit that he did to me and he never realized how much it affected me and stuff. i dunno. and like i dunno. we have this fucking like magnet of attraction between us and its still never stopped after all this time. im over loving him as my boyfriend. i love him as a person. i dunno. wed never work out and that sucks but its just something i have to deal with. i like mike alot. but its just not that feeling that i had with matt. not that immediate connection where you knew it was going to be something so much more. i dont know. i want to be with mike. not matt. but do you really love anyone the way you loved your first love? i dont know. its discustingly gross outside. i hate snow. i have to be stuck in the house the entire day being bored. i need to stop being sick. its in my chest at least now so i just have this gross bronchitis cough.