(no subject)
Well..... been forever since I have updated. There has been a lot of shit going on. I don't even know where to begin...... Let's see.... I'll just go over every little thing. heh.
I'm still in the apartment but from what I know, not for much longer. Through the grapevine I've heard that Brittany is moving in and I told Julie I'd move out if such happened. Great how she always chooses Brittany over me, but whatever. Julie isn't around anymore. I'm lucky to see her 5 min. per week. Most people thik this is awesome. I mean I only pay half rent and i have the whole place to myself. Well let me tell you.... I hate it. More then anything I hate it. Which is why I try not to be here very often anymore. The emptyness eats away at me. I am a social butterfly and more and more I realize how muh I need someone around. Julie is a small part of my life. She is no longer the best friend I used to know. I asked her to come home once... Granted it was early in the morning and her phone was off.... but she was home for 5 min. and didn't even seem to care how horrible I was doing. Didn't even come home that night after work to try and talk to me. It kills me. I don't know what to do anymore and I think I've hit the point where i know there isn't anything I can do. I've lost her and so goes life.
I'm sick. Been sick for nearly 3 weeks. Seems like every day I have some new kind of symptom though. One day I had hot/cold flashes... another I had a cough..... another I have a killer headache.... and they just keep going on and on. It's from stress of everything and the cold doesn't help at all. I hate it because some days it is so hard to get my ass out of bed. I just feel so run down. Other days I'm ok though. I'll wake up and take a shower and hit the new day. It's just never something I can predict anymore. Some nights are really bad. When I toss and turn all night and I just feel like something is ripping my insides to shreds. Bad nights. Sucks on those nights when the place is empty. Yes, I'm independant.... but I will admit that when I am sick and I feel like shit, I love someone to help take care of me.
Didn't spend Thanksgiving with family. (BTW Happy Belated Gobble Day everyone) And that really sucked. I wanted so badly to spend it with my family but my dad and sis were still out hunting and my mom had other plans. I was invited to a few other peoples thanksgivings. But I ended up going with Ben. Him and i are new friends and he really just wanted to spend some time with me and get to know me a little better. So I agreed. It was nice. His family took me in as their own. But you know me. No matter what I feel like I'm alone. Like I just don't belong. But it went well. We all chit chatted and yeah. Ben is a nice guy but is starting to form a crush on me now and that isn't cool. Especially considering he is one of DeWayne's best friends. >.< Why is it I always tend to have to friends that both end up liking me. >.< I hate it.
I'm broke.... Actually I'm past broke. I'm in debt. Sad how I had everything figured out. I was so proud of myself for having things put together is such a way where I would not go into debt. And here I am fucked. I'm still looking for a job. Have a place that will most likely hire me but it pays shit. >.< Im living off of my credit card right now. Not the best idea but I have to figure something out. I will most likely have to go to my parents and ask to borrow a bit just until I get a few pay checks and can pay em back. I hate asking people for money though. Makes me feel like I am such an idiot. The apartment has no food in it really. I can't spend much on anything so I survive on what I can.
I'm not single anymore. I think most of you know this one but figured I'd add it in here. I'm dating the marine I've spoken about. When he came out here a few weeks ago him and i really hit it off so we talked and figured why not. We'd try it and see what happens. He is a sweetheart and is a lil odd in his own way. Think that's what I like about him. He is in the Marine's until July 15th. So we'll see how this long distance thing goes. He comes home again on Dec. 29th for a few weeks though. Yay. ^.^ I like that I can talk to him about anything and he doesn't judge me, but a lot of that is based around everything that he has been through. We talk for hours on the phone maybe once a week but otherwise we always text one another. Spoken about other random shit like the future and stuff and we seem to agree about most things. A friend of mine told me just to go out to Cali. I've thought about it. Thinking about it more and more. I like how he isn't connected to the life i have here and i could just go and leave this place. Start a new beggining. Oh and he is hot. ^.^
School is going horrible. I ended up withdrawing from two of my classes and there is still one more that i most likely will fail. Only two classes do I know I will pass. How sad is that? >.< And everyone knows how highly I hold my education. Just with every little hting going on I haven't been able to handle shit. Not a good excuse, I know, but yeah. I have my ups and downs. A few more downs lately but I'm working on it. The more I think about what I was to do though I think I might minor in music. Just because music has always had a claming effect on me and I am pretty good at it. I dunno...
I am so getting a tattoo! When... I dunno... but I almost want to get one before the new year. That or I will make it my new years resolution. heh. Not sure what I want though. Or for sure where I want it. I was thinking about a buterfly with some tribal designs and to place it on the small of my back, but everyone has butterflies.... then I was thinking maybe some lil cute draggy and but it on my hip of something. I dunno. I'm looking around at designs and seeing if something catches my eye. Going to drag Jackie with me too. It will be awesome. Be all rebellious. lol. Thinking about some kind of piercing as well.... Heh. I know. I;m weird. But yeah.... Just thoughts that might not go into actions. Who knows.
Can't think of a lot more to type about. Plus I need to go start my car so I can pick up a friend from work. Hope all is going well with everything. Take care.
I'm still in the apartment but from what I know, not for much longer. Through the grapevine I've heard that Brittany is moving in and I told Julie I'd move out if such happened. Great how she always chooses Brittany over me, but whatever. Julie isn't around anymore. I'm lucky to see her 5 min. per week. Most people thik this is awesome. I mean I only pay half rent and i have the whole place to myself. Well let me tell you.... I hate it. More then anything I hate it. Which is why I try not to be here very often anymore. The emptyness eats away at me. I am a social butterfly and more and more I realize how muh I need someone around. Julie is a small part of my life. She is no longer the best friend I used to know. I asked her to come home once... Granted it was early in the morning and her phone was off.... but she was home for 5 min. and didn't even seem to care how horrible I was doing. Didn't even come home that night after work to try and talk to me. It kills me. I don't know what to do anymore and I think I've hit the point where i know there isn't anything I can do. I've lost her and so goes life.
I'm sick. Been sick for nearly 3 weeks. Seems like every day I have some new kind of symptom though. One day I had hot/cold flashes... another I had a cough..... another I have a killer headache.... and they just keep going on and on. It's from stress of everything and the cold doesn't help at all. I hate it because some days it is so hard to get my ass out of bed. I just feel so run down. Other days I'm ok though. I'll wake up and take a shower and hit the new day. It's just never something I can predict anymore. Some nights are really bad. When I toss and turn all night and I just feel like something is ripping my insides to shreds. Bad nights. Sucks on those nights when the place is empty. Yes, I'm independant.... but I will admit that when I am sick and I feel like shit, I love someone to help take care of me.
Didn't spend Thanksgiving with family. (BTW Happy Belated Gobble Day everyone) And that really sucked. I wanted so badly to spend it with my family but my dad and sis were still out hunting and my mom had other plans. I was invited to a few other peoples thanksgivings. But I ended up going with Ben. Him and i are new friends and he really just wanted to spend some time with me and get to know me a little better. So I agreed. It was nice. His family took me in as their own. But you know me. No matter what I feel like I'm alone. Like I just don't belong. But it went well. We all chit chatted and yeah. Ben is a nice guy but is starting to form a crush on me now and that isn't cool. Especially considering he is one of DeWayne's best friends. >.< Why is it I always tend to have to friends that both end up liking me. >.< I hate it.
I'm broke.... Actually I'm past broke. I'm in debt. Sad how I had everything figured out. I was so proud of myself for having things put together is such a way where I would not go into debt. And here I am fucked. I'm still looking for a job. Have a place that will most likely hire me but it pays shit. >.< Im living off of my credit card right now. Not the best idea but I have to figure something out. I will most likely have to go to my parents and ask to borrow a bit just until I get a few pay checks and can pay em back. I hate asking people for money though. Makes me feel like I am such an idiot. The apartment has no food in it really. I can't spend much on anything so I survive on what I can.
I'm not single anymore. I think most of you know this one but figured I'd add it in here. I'm dating the marine I've spoken about. When he came out here a few weeks ago him and i really hit it off so we talked and figured why not. We'd try it and see what happens. He is a sweetheart and is a lil odd in his own way. Think that's what I like about him. He is in the Marine's until July 15th. So we'll see how this long distance thing goes. He comes home again on Dec. 29th for a few weeks though. Yay. ^.^ I like that I can talk to him about anything and he doesn't judge me, but a lot of that is based around everything that he has been through. We talk for hours on the phone maybe once a week but otherwise we always text one another. Spoken about other random shit like the future and stuff and we seem to agree about most things. A friend of mine told me just to go out to Cali. I've thought about it. Thinking about it more and more. I like how he isn't connected to the life i have here and i could just go and leave this place. Start a new beggining. Oh and he is hot. ^.^
School is going horrible. I ended up withdrawing from two of my classes and there is still one more that i most likely will fail. Only two classes do I know I will pass. How sad is that? >.< And everyone knows how highly I hold my education. Just with every little hting going on I haven't been able to handle shit. Not a good excuse, I know, but yeah. I have my ups and downs. A few more downs lately but I'm working on it. The more I think about what I was to do though I think I might minor in music. Just because music has always had a claming effect on me and I am pretty good at it. I dunno...
I am so getting a tattoo! When... I dunno... but I almost want to get one before the new year. That or I will make it my new years resolution. heh. Not sure what I want though. Or for sure where I want it. I was thinking about a buterfly with some tribal designs and to place it on the small of my back, but everyone has butterflies.... then I was thinking maybe some lil cute draggy and but it on my hip of something. I dunno. I'm looking around at designs and seeing if something catches my eye. Going to drag Jackie with me too. It will be awesome. Be all rebellious. lol. Thinking about some kind of piercing as well.... Heh. I know. I;m weird. But yeah.... Just thoughts that might not go into actions. Who knows.
Can't think of a lot more to type about. Plus I need to go start my car so I can pick up a friend from work. Hope all is going well with everything. Take care.