blegh
Just worked the last three nights in a row, so natch i'm out on the lash tonite, i intend getting wrecked. haven't been feeling well recently; kinda blank again. could be cos my pills ran out over a week ago and i haven't really been up to goin back to the doctors to get more.
feeling disgustingly vulnerable and emotional. I hate ppl who act the way i feel now.
Might also have something to do with the looming holiday; last year was the first xmas when i DIDNT try to kill myself in about 5 years. All my buddies are going 'home' for xmas. Yay, i'm going to be so fucking bored.
O well, i might have the chance to write more fanfic, but that often just makes me feel worse; i totally obsess over the characters, then get misersable about my life being boring.
Elsewhere in Lilvior-land; i'm now working xmas eve and new years eve; yay for my exciting social life. But apparently i get a massive bonus, lots of free booze and my bodyweight in tips (so maybe not a bad thing that im getting so GODDAMN fat again...)
Seen loads of clothes i want; mother has offered to take me shopping in kingston after xmas and buy me lots of stuff; she didn't buy anything for my birthday so she totally owes me.
Looking for skateboards for my little bros' xmas pressies; i don't want to buy them cheap shit, but they are only 7 so i'm not spending more than thirty quid.
Having a tandoori pizza for dinner - mmm.
god i cant wait to get drunk. When i'm sobor everything hurst- my chest, my brain, my MASSIVE emoness...
On the plus side; this week is the last week of term, so no getting out of bed at eight o'fucking clock in the goddamn morning after... *checks timetable* thursday!
well, time to go collect pizza.
lil
feeling disgustingly vulnerable and emotional. I hate ppl who act the way i feel now.
Might also have something to do with the looming holiday; last year was the first xmas when i DIDNT try to kill myself in about 5 years. All my buddies are going 'home' for xmas. Yay, i'm going to be so fucking bored.
O well, i might have the chance to write more fanfic, but that often just makes me feel worse; i totally obsess over the characters, then get misersable about my life being boring.
Elsewhere in Lilvior-land; i'm now working xmas eve and new years eve; yay for my exciting social life. But apparently i get a massive bonus, lots of free booze and my bodyweight in tips (so maybe not a bad thing that im getting so GODDAMN fat again...)
Seen loads of clothes i want; mother has offered to take me shopping in kingston after xmas and buy me lots of stuff; she didn't buy anything for my birthday so she totally owes me.
Looking for skateboards for my little bros' xmas pressies; i don't want to buy them cheap shit, but they are only 7 so i'm not spending more than thirty quid.
Having a tandoori pizza for dinner - mmm.
god i cant wait to get drunk. When i'm sobor everything hurst- my chest, my brain, my MASSIVE emoness...
On the plus side; this week is the last week of term, so no getting out of bed at eight o'fucking clock in the goddamn morning after... *checks timetable* thursday!
well, time to go collect pizza.
lil