The first time...
This evening was the last night of Perversion at the Ruby. I'm glad that even in the rain I was still able to go out and see old club people, get my drink on and dance.
I remember going to Perversion at the Ruby with Loren a long time ago. Two girls, new to Los Angeles with no cars. We took the red line to Perversion and got there no problem, we observed, danced, and had a great time. We left close to the strike of midnight in hopes of catching the last Red Line back to USC and missed the final train. We panicked but remained calm, and with the guidance of a generous Metro bus driver she guided us slowly back to USC during the middle of the night. I had such a great time... and to this day will never forget the first time I went to Perversion.
Almost nearly a decade later, I find myself with it's doors closing at the Ruby. It's truly sad to see it leave. I want to write about my entire experience, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow. In actuality what I do want to write about is right now, this moment, this feeling I've had.
During my drive home and just being here in the moment, I could say that I believe this is the first time in a very long time that I feel really positive about myself. I feel AWESOME and know that I'm AWESOME. I don't think I've ever had my ego stoked so much this week... and for once feeling this attention from others, friends and strangers has made me felt amazing. I feel physically great and don't really care about my pudge any more. Even if I'm not a size 2 or a size 6, I am truly slowly coming to love myself and my body. I don't care that I'm not the average size any more. Perhaps it's all the spinning that I've gone through (and I do realize that most people are annoyed about how much I spin) but it has changed my life.
I now can say that I love the fact that I put on my work out clothes and they feel just a tiny bit more loose on me. I love the fact that under my layer of stomach fat that I do have an emerging six pack. I love the way my legs and my ass look and feel. I love knowing that I can flex my arm muscles now in front of the mirror. I love that I can feel my collar bones again. I love that I can wear my leopard print collar from high school on the same notch and feel more space then I did when I was in high school. I might not be the skinny stick, but I'm becoming as lean as I can become and I feel great.
All of this came from dancing with this girl April at Perversion, she asked me why I was dancing alone, which then followed with dancing with her on the box. We bumped and grined, and she said I dance well... and wouldn't let me have the box to myself unless I kissed her. Fuck yeah was that hot. Now... I wish I had gotten her number.
This very moment is surreal. It almost feels like a dream. At least I'll be going to sleep happy tonight. I feel amazing.
I remember going to Perversion at the Ruby with Loren a long time ago. Two girls, new to Los Angeles with no cars. We took the red line to Perversion and got there no problem, we observed, danced, and had a great time. We left close to the strike of midnight in hopes of catching the last Red Line back to USC and missed the final train. We panicked but remained calm, and with the guidance of a generous Metro bus driver she guided us slowly back to USC during the middle of the night. I had such a great time... and to this day will never forget the first time I went to Perversion.
Almost nearly a decade later, I find myself with it's doors closing at the Ruby. It's truly sad to see it leave. I want to write about my entire experience, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow. In actuality what I do want to write about is right now, this moment, this feeling I've had.
During my drive home and just being here in the moment, I could say that I believe this is the first time in a very long time that I feel really positive about myself. I feel AWESOME and know that I'm AWESOME. I don't think I've ever had my ego stoked so much this week... and for once feeling this attention from others, friends and strangers has made me felt amazing. I feel physically great and don't really care about my pudge any more. Even if I'm not a size 2 or a size 6, I am truly slowly coming to love myself and my body. I don't care that I'm not the average size any more. Perhaps it's all the spinning that I've gone through (and I do realize that most people are annoyed about how much I spin) but it has changed my life.
I now can say that I love the fact that I put on my work out clothes and they feel just a tiny bit more loose on me. I love the fact that under my layer of stomach fat that I do have an emerging six pack. I love the way my legs and my ass look and feel. I love knowing that I can flex my arm muscles now in front of the mirror. I love that I can feel my collar bones again. I love that I can wear my leopard print collar from high school on the same notch and feel more space then I did when I was in high school. I might not be the skinny stick, but I'm becoming as lean as I can become and I feel great.
All of this came from dancing with this girl April at Perversion, she asked me why I was dancing alone, which then followed with dancing with her on the box. We bumped and grined, and she said I dance well... and wouldn't let me have the box to myself unless I kissed her. Fuck yeah was that hot. Now... I wish I had gotten her number.
This very moment is surreal. It almost feels like a dream. At least I'll be going to sleep happy tonight. I feel amazing.