Thank you for your kind words sug. I don't really like change but I guess it's a need. I don't know how I stopped resisting change, I think it just became to important to resist and now like you said I do feel a responsibility to myself. Who said you were manipulative and why? I think that's a very serious charge to bring against someone. But I think everybody is just a little bit manipulative I think that's just how we manage. I mean not very manipulative, just for little things. Like saying just the right thing that you know will let somebody let you do something, like buy that extra bag of fritos even if all they got on 'em is $10. or slightly bigger things. What I meant by putting effort into other people's thoughts was a couple of things. First working really hard to make somebody think a certain way about you. Second laboring away at somebody else's notions, even if you don't really believe in those notions. And third just generally being more concerned with other peoples' thoughts than your own. Well I think the people who find glamour in the ghetto are the people who go there, not the people who ended up there due to life. And despite what some people think I personally do not find "Thug life" glamorous. I find it cruel and disgusting. I mean it's rough and dirty and your trying to live well and it's all just so hard. I can't imagine how that's glamorous. That is why you have to be one of the people who go there cause then you've made a choice to live the life of sleaze glam. Which is fine because in that choice you've also sorta decided you're responsible for yourself and pretty much only yourself. Unlike a lot of other people in the ghetto who are trying to raise families up right or get their ass out of the ghetto. Then I sorta wonder about the people who would go to the ghetto. I wonder what made them make that choice. Because personally my main reason for not going there is because of my parents. I was very lucky as a child and grew up with plenty in the suburbs, never wanting for anything. I'm proud of that fact because my parents grew up in horrible poverty and very very tough circumstances and I'm proud of all the work they did so I wouldn't have to live that way. So to me to lower myself back down would be incredibly insulting to them. Also I've heard all the stories of their childhoods and I don't want to live that way. It sounds awful. what do you think? I've never bothered to ask you what exactly attracts you to sleaze glam? when did you first come across this concept? Tell me of the history of it in your life and everything you like about it. I know I don't want to be who i'd thought I'd be and all I can do is hope that these future changes are for the best. Love ya darling
That's a really good point. People who choose to go to the ghetto are the ones who lives glamorously there, but most people are stuck there and don't know how to get out. I guess it's very much divided because of racist America too, like so many minority groups have been forced into ghettos and their life there is so much different than some white middle class college student who wants to be artistic and live among the cultured class. It's really great that your parents were able to achieve so much and I'm glad you see it from that perspective too. I think the reason I'm attracted to the sleaze glam thing is because I want to feel tough. I'm tired of being seen as meek and timid and I want people to see me as dangerous. I also think that choosing to live that way is rebellious and it's basically a big fuck you to everyone else because they're all afraid of those people. I want the normals to know that I'm threatening and wild.
Who said you were manipulative and why? I think that's a very serious charge to bring against someone. But I think everybody is just a little bit manipulative I think that's just how we manage. I mean not very manipulative, just for little things. Like saying just the right thing that you know will let somebody let you do something, like buy that extra bag of fritos even if all they got on 'em is $10. or slightly bigger things. What I meant by putting effort into other people's thoughts was a couple of things. First working really hard to make somebody think a certain way about you. Second laboring away at somebody else's notions, even if you don't really believe in those notions. And third just generally being more concerned with other peoples' thoughts than your own.
Well I think the people who find glamour in the ghetto are the people who go there, not the people who ended up there due to life. And despite what some people think I personally do not find "Thug life" glamorous. I find it cruel and disgusting. I mean it's rough and dirty and your trying to live well and it's all just so hard. I can't imagine how that's glamorous. That is why you have to be one of the people who go there cause then you've made a choice to live the life of sleaze glam. Which is fine because in that choice you've also sorta decided you're responsible for yourself and pretty much only yourself. Unlike a lot of other people in the ghetto who are trying to raise families up right or get their ass out of the ghetto. Then I sorta wonder about the people who would go to the ghetto. I wonder what made them make that choice. Because personally my main reason for not going there is because of my parents. I was very lucky as a child and grew up with plenty in the suburbs, never wanting for anything. I'm proud of that fact because my parents grew up in horrible poverty and very very tough circumstances and I'm proud of all the work they did so I wouldn't have to live that way. So to me to lower myself back down would be incredibly insulting to them. Also I've heard all the stories of their childhoods and I don't want to live that way. It sounds awful. what do you think? I've never bothered to ask you what exactly attracts you to sleaze glam? when did you first come across this concept? Tell me of the history of it in your life and everything you like about it.
I know I don't want to be who i'd thought I'd be and all I can do is hope that these future changes are for the best.
Love ya
darling
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