Funny stuff...
"Life's a bitch, So i became one."
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'Twas da night befo' Christmas & all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirrin cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill,
And we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib,
In the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine,
Had just gotten busy cuz my girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system be fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas',
'Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.
I said, for real doe, come check dis out.
We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way,
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh.
Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat,
I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!"
To the top of the projects & across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof,
And sippin' on a 40, he busted a move.
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
He said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz,
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings,
A credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
He slid down the fire exscape smoove as a cat,
And busted the window wit' a b-ball bat.
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
He said, "You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old.
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side.
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof.
He jumped in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome,
To tap that booty waitin' at home.
And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
Was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!"
---
Cool Stats:
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high price of snack foods.
Only 13% brush their teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day.
Only 30% can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities.
53% of women will not leave their house without makeup on.
58% of women paint their nails regularly.
62% of us pop our zits.
33% of women lie about their weight.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
Over 50% believe in spanking- but only a child over 2 years old.
5% give to charity at least once a month.
How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and religion. 7% would murder.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
57% have had deja vu.
49% believe in ESP.
44% have broken a bone.
Only 30% of us know their cholestrol level.
14% of us attended a self-help meeting.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
23.5% admit they don't always flush.
45.2% pee in the shower.
44.9% pee in the ocean.
28.1% pee in the pool.
39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
22% are functionally illiterate.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
56% of women do their bills in a marriage.
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
16% of us have forgotten their their own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
59% of us say we're average-looking.
28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knee.
6% propose over the phone.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
4/5 sing in the car.
---
---
'Twas da night befo' Christmas & all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirrin cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill,
And we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib,
In the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine,
Had just gotten busy cuz my girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system be fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas',
'Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.
I said, for real doe, come check dis out.
We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way,
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh.
Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat,
I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!"
To the top of the projects & across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof,
And sippin' on a 40, he busted a move.
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
He said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz,
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings,
A credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
He slid down the fire exscape smoove as a cat,
And busted the window wit' a b-ball bat.
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
He said, "You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old.
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side.
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof.
He jumped in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome,
To tap that booty waitin' at home.
And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
Was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!"
---
Cool Stats:
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high price of snack foods.
Only 13% brush their teeth from side to side.
45% use mouthwash every day.
Only 30% can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities.
53% of women will not leave their house without makeup on.
58% of women paint their nails regularly.
62% of us pop our zits.
33% of women lie about their weight.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
Over 50% believe in spanking- but only a child over 2 years old.
5% give to charity at least once a month.
How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and religion. 7% would murder.
69% eat the cake before the frosting.
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
70% of us drink orange juice daily.
22% of us skip lunch daily.
9% of us skip breakfast daily.
66% of us eat cereal regularly.
22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
57% have had deja vu.
49% believe in ESP.
44% have broken a bone.
Only 30% of us know their cholestrol level.
14% of us attended a self-help meeting.
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
23.5% admit they don't always flush.
45.2% pee in the shower.
44.9% pee in the ocean.
28.1% pee in the pool.
39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
71.6% of us eavesdrop.
22% are functionally illiterate.
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
56% of women do their bills in a marriage.
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
44% reuse tinfoil.
57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
16% of us have forgotten their their own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
59% of us say we're average-looking.
28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
2 out of 5 have married their first love.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knee.
6% propose over the phone.
2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
4/5 sing in the car.
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