realization...

[lilslicious]

after the last couple months, i think i just realized that i'm using paul. like i just seriously had some huge brain fart removed and it all became clear...i think i'm the one stringing him along. :/. i think last time he really tried to start to make a move and would have if i wouldnt have jumped up and said i had to leave because in my own head it felt like i was cheating on someone... and hes called me nearly every day since just to talk and shoot the shit then and wanted me to come over super late the night after...its all making sense, and i'm freakin blind to the fact that i'm the asshole.

i have some serious shit to figure out. cause i cant be thinking like i'm cheating on someone if he or anyone else makes a move on me...cause i'm not. i'm single.

and if i'm using him does that mean that i dont like him? cause i do...so wtf.
so confused.