these are a few of my favorite things....
i've been wanting to really sit down and write for probably the last six days, but everytime i want to i get caught up and never get a chance to. either that or its just too late and i need to sleep. so outside of yesterdays entry, i'll continue on with some updates.
i have no idea what the hell i want. here i am thinking i am sure sure sure of what i think i want and then all of a sudden something stirs the pot and i'm left questioning again. i mean shit, i think i want to be in a relationship, but then the thought of being monogomous with someone scares me. actually, i'm starting to think that maybe i'm just scared to try. i've been conditioned for the last few years by being told that a relationship is just a title and nothing i truely need, but when in actuality i decide i want one, i convince myself otherwise because of what i've been telling myself. i'm fucking scared and thats the damn truth. i do not want to be involved in another situation like the one i've been in for so long and to be honest, i dont know how to pursue and actual serious relationship. even in considering other options the first thing to pop into my head is...what game/angle i'm going to take with this new person. and i dont even want to play games! ugh. i'm messed up. completely relationship challenged. and part (no, most) of me doesnt even want anyone else! i dont want to sleep with someone else, cuddle with anyone else, text someone else.
ai caramba!
i got my pink slip in the mail yesterday. fucking sucks. santa ana unified is laying off 573 teachers, including me. teachers hired as far back as 2001. so basically my job is up in the air right now. its kinda complicated and i do not want to explain it cause i've spent so much time explaining it to others but in a nutshell...our district is in a huge amount of debt, much like our state and more than any other district in southern california. so with the cuts they already have to make to try and level out their district debt in combination with the cuts the governor is making to education. they need to send out r.i.f. (reduction in force) notices basically telling 573 that they are out of a job come june when our contracts are over. they will hire people back based upon need but the way they will hire back is based upon senority. so really, we wont know until probably about august whether we're going to get our jobs back and at that point, it may not be at the same school. these cuts are statewide however, and so most school districts are facing kinda the same problems.
this really blows. but i'm trying to stay positive. i know it's for a reason and that it is probably a blessing in disguise, but its really hard to say where i'll be. i like my stability and this kinda stuff scares the shit out of me. no one would appreciate not knowing what the status of their employment is.
i've decided that i really enjoy cooking. and that i'm going to continue to do it, cause i'm really not half bad at it. i baked a cake today...and tried to make it all cute. it was fun. i'm no rachel ray, but hey, i try.
i'm on book 6 for harry potter and there is some serious shit going down. thats what i did most of the day today. read. a lot.
my family was over tonight...they're alright, but it was my parents, my two aunts and uncles, and my brother and his wife, plus all the kids. i kinda feel out of place. they were talking about how they're gonna take ballroom dance over the summer, all the couples....and it was just awkward. i sat there with nothing to say for about 20 minutes while they discussed how fun it was going to be that they were all taking it together. i'd love to take a dance class like that...again, that issue of being alone just kinda blows. plus, my familys so close, and they really are a lot of fun...it'll be cool when i can add someone to that mix.
i'm debating what to wear tomorrow....its gonna be hot, and i'm gonna wish i was at the beach.
this was super random. obviously, i had a lot on my mind.
-L
i have no idea what the hell i want. here i am thinking i am sure sure sure of what i think i want and then all of a sudden something stirs the pot and i'm left questioning again. i mean shit, i think i want to be in a relationship, but then the thought of being monogomous with someone scares me. actually, i'm starting to think that maybe i'm just scared to try. i've been conditioned for the last few years by being told that a relationship is just a title and nothing i truely need, but when in actuality i decide i want one, i convince myself otherwise because of what i've been telling myself. i'm fucking scared and thats the damn truth. i do not want to be involved in another situation like the one i've been in for so long and to be honest, i dont know how to pursue and actual serious relationship. even in considering other options the first thing to pop into my head is...what game/angle i'm going to take with this new person. and i dont even want to play games! ugh. i'm messed up. completely relationship challenged. and part (no, most) of me doesnt even want anyone else! i dont want to sleep with someone else, cuddle with anyone else, text someone else.
ai caramba!
i got my pink slip in the mail yesterday. fucking sucks. santa ana unified is laying off 573 teachers, including me. teachers hired as far back as 2001. so basically my job is up in the air right now. its kinda complicated and i do not want to explain it cause i've spent so much time explaining it to others but in a nutshell...our district is in a huge amount of debt, much like our state and more than any other district in southern california. so with the cuts they already have to make to try and level out their district debt in combination with the cuts the governor is making to education. they need to send out r.i.f. (reduction in force) notices basically telling 573 that they are out of a job come june when our contracts are over. they will hire people back based upon need but the way they will hire back is based upon senority. so really, we wont know until probably about august whether we're going to get our jobs back and at that point, it may not be at the same school. these cuts are statewide however, and so most school districts are facing kinda the same problems.
this really blows. but i'm trying to stay positive. i know it's for a reason and that it is probably a blessing in disguise, but its really hard to say where i'll be. i like my stability and this kinda stuff scares the shit out of me. no one would appreciate not knowing what the status of their employment is.
i've decided that i really enjoy cooking. and that i'm going to continue to do it, cause i'm really not half bad at it. i baked a cake today...and tried to make it all cute. it was fun. i'm no rachel ray, but hey, i try.
i'm on book 6 for harry potter and there is some serious shit going down. thats what i did most of the day today. read. a lot.
my family was over tonight...they're alright, but it was my parents, my two aunts and uncles, and my brother and his wife, plus all the kids. i kinda feel out of place. they were talking about how they're gonna take ballroom dance over the summer, all the couples....and it was just awkward. i sat there with nothing to say for about 20 minutes while they discussed how fun it was going to be that they were all taking it together. i'd love to take a dance class like that...again, that issue of being alone just kinda blows. plus, my familys so close, and they really are a lot of fun...it'll be cool when i can add someone to that mix.
i'm debating what to wear tomorrow....its gonna be hot, and i'm gonna wish i was at the beach.
this was super random. obviously, i had a lot on my mind.
-L