Shit-faced!!!

Sep 26, 2004 21:42

As if my episode last weekend wasn't enough, I decided to keep everything going. My friends and I all went out to Rainbow, with plans of getting totally shit-faced, well I'd like to say I was just a little more successful than others. I decided to fall asleep on the toilet seat, what a beautiful view huh? Liz (thank you so much for our bonding time even if we were totally shit-faced, I had a wonderful time talking with you) and I decided to party with Jose (tequila) that night. Now I'm always someone who has been able to handle their shit but apparently last night wasn't my night. Erica came up to Rainbow and I seriously had an anxiety attack when she walked through the door, I just didn't expect her to show up and I guess it sorta suprised me. Then after having that, being the intelligent individual that I am I decided to down two more shots. Not even 20 minutes later Erica and I were playing the video game and I layed my head down on the bar, I knew I was fucked. I ran to the bathroom and blew it. Mayb e I should have eaten this weekend but I really wasn't thinking about that. I had to call into work I was so fucked up. I ended up staying the night with Erica, I couldn't stand the car ride all the way to back to Clear Lake. It was sort of weird especially since I didn't know what the fuck was going on. So once again I had to apologize to everyone. I feel like such a drama queen now. Pretty soon I'm sure my friends are going to want to stop hanging out with me due to my episodes and honestly I wouldn't blame them. I think that because of my depression I'm taking drinking too far. The last thing I want to become is an alcoholic and I believe that's what I'm headed for. So I have decided to chill out on drinking and to learn what my point is. I don't have to get shit-faced when I drink and I can't seem to get that through to myself. I'm fucking up my work, and I'm just glad I'm not fucking up my school too. I've just had alot of shit going on right now, that I'm losing focus on the things that are truely important to me. And I seriously need to wake up before it is too late. I mended some fights with old friends... me and Amanda are on talking terms or at least civil to each other despite the lies, and I saw my good friend Lauren who had stopped being my friend because she thought I wanted her girl, FUCK NO! so everything is good between her and I too. And I saw Felicia and actually talked to her girlfriend Katy which was really cool because I never took the time to get to know her. I upset some people this weekend with my choices and to all those people I would like to send my deepest apologies, and state that I'm going to try hard to clean up my act, and I am truely sorry for any pain I have caused. I'm going to try to get my shit worked out. Thank you all for being so supportive of me no matter how bad my decisions are, I don't think God could have given me any better friends than you guys. I love ya'll so much and once again I'm sorry. You guys are my world!
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