Catch Up
Where to begin?? THere is so much to catch up on! I have met alot of new people... alot of new girls, and went through quite a few in order to find one that is right for me... but I found her! As far as my previous entry about "the boy" Brandon... lets just say I was severly depressed and lonely, maybe that doesn't seem like a rational reason to some, but it suits me. He made a great friend and I suppose I thought that our friendship was something more, but I was certainly mistaken. However, I didn't know so I took a chance, tested my feelings, and made the discovery that boys are in no way plausible for me. I already knew that but I wondered whether or not it would be different with him. And it wasn't. Nothing ever happened between him and I, we continued to hang out and I came to the conclusion that even if I met the perfect guy, the guy that could complete me in everyway and in every aspect of life... I would never be able to date or be with him. I don't know how to be with a guy, and I have no desire to learn how to do so. I became interested in a blast from the past, Felicia Hershey... her and I had always been some form of friends... what I mean by that is occassionally we would call and play catch up or when we saw each other out we would have a conversation or two. WE started hanging out alot more... she was going through a terrible break up with her ex-girlfriend and being that I understand what it feels like and could offer to be what I think helpful advice... her and I made for a pretty good friendship. However with her being lonely and unable to be alone, we let our friendship over step its boundaries. Nothing major happened... for the most part her and I just kissed... but kissed alot! There was talk of a relationship... perhaps something happening eventually but that's all it was... just talk! I was very well aware she needed to be with Katie, and I also knew she still had a chance to get her back so that is defiantely what she needed to do. And in my eyes Felicia was definately not the person I wanted to have my next relationship with. We make awesome friends but when it comes to an intimate manner, the girl and I couldn't be more different. WE both agreed on the fact that we needed to stick with just a friendship and stop whatever it was that we were doing. My "Felicia" experience was completely without a doubt worth it though... because through her I met Andrea! Oh Andrea! She is completely different than anyone I have ever dated. SHe's very sweet, and sincere. I tend to go for some form of a "bad-girl" and she is definately not that type. She is very innocent looking which is one characteristic that drives me absolutely crazy! She is full of suprises especially when it comes to .... well you know! WE have a great time together... and she fits in perfectly with my friends. Christina even approves of her... likes her... and Christina never likes anyone! I must admit though, taking a chance again is a little scary to me. Not because I am scared I will get hurt... nothing along those lines... but it is scary to me to take the chance of becoming vulnerable to someone again. Not that I think she will take advantage of me if I was to become that way but the thought of repeating my same mistakes also troubles me. I claim that I have changed so greatly and have grown up alot, so if I was to repeat my mistakes again I would be proving that wrong... and I certainly do not want to become disappointed in myself when I think I have done so well. But as I have learned, there is no dwelling on the past, there is no beating myself up over my past mistakes, there is only moving forward and learning from all my experiences. I want to be a good girlfriend... especially to this one. When Andrea and I first started hanging out or talking (getting to know one another) I didn't really know if I was ready to be with someone again yet... but as days went by I came to the comclusion that I would be an idiot to let this girl pass me by. She is so incredibly beautiful to me...and there are so many things I love about her. Her laugh, her smile, the way she constantly plays with her hair and worries if it is "FRo-ing" or not, they way she laughs at even my dumbest jokes, the way she can never make a decision when we are trying to make plans, how from the very beginning she knew every single thing that turned me on, I love the noises she makes when I bite her bottom lip or grab her hip,... I could go on and on. We made "us" official at Jessica's birthday deal I put together for her. We were at South Beach (which we had an awesome time and Jessica's birthday was GREAT!) and there were people all around but the only person I saw was her. I was completely wrapped up in the moment... so wrapped up in it that I'm sure we looked retarded as we slow danced to techno. ha ha! Anyway... I leaned into her ear and asked "Can I keep you?" and then she leaned into my ear and said "Only if I can keep you back" and thats how it happened! It was the perfect ending to a perfect night! THe girl makes me so happy! It's so funny to me now... when I look back at myself about three months ago... whether I would admit it or not... I honestly didn't think I would be with anyone else until I got just one more chance with Erica. I mean I honestly believed that with all of my heart! It just amazes me the irrational things one thinks when they are depressed and lonely. It actually makes me smerk now. Anyway things are great, I'm great... for any of those wondering!