(no subject)
so i know no one reads this but i need to let something out.
i need to let it out now. i'm ready to burst into tears.
i wish i wasnt. i wish i didnt have these thoughts going thru my head... but fuck, i do.
I miss him. wow, i cant believe i fuckin miss him. its been about a month and a half now. and if he didnt write me that email, i think i'd still b fine. but that email, got to me. like he planned on (i now how he thinks).
i just wish he never decived me. he lied to me. over and over again, and called me a liar. at least i stepped up to the plate after a while and admitted it. i take responsibility for the things i had done (to him, to me, to our so called relationship)
but he jsut flat out played me. who knows how many times?!
i mean , dont tell me you're mvoing to new brunswick, and that you've sold your precious car. only for me to later find out that my friends, who live in the area, had seen him driving around in town. OR that fact i drove up the road the lives - in the country, and to what to my eyes behold sittin on his driveway - HIS CAR! yes, thats right. with my own eyes, i saw the lie.
if you loved me as much as you said you did, why did yu have to decieve me? make me feel guilty? make me feel like i ruined everything for you, only to know that you kept it all, that it obviously didnt ruin you. how could you. i was devasted by the whole fact. i'm still thinking about myself and how to fix myself. how to b a better person... what are you doin? apparently dating someone new, well hoenstly sorry, i dont believe that. i think its a lie, to get me going. if you did find someone new, i'm happy for you! i told you you would find someone after me. i just didnt expect this soon... b/c we were in love. b/c we did mean something to each other. i have enough respect for our relationship NOT to b dating anyone right , but to b fixing myself to see how to be in a relationship OR how to just b me alone for a while longer. honestly i'm not evening thinkin about dating anyone right now. i have respect for what we had... you obviously dont. you dont think you need to fix yourself. well buddie, you got a TON of SHIT yu need to work on. you shouldnt b dating anyone. you should b fixing yourself. thanxs for the respect. i appreciate it.
also, you've been deleted ... not b/c i dont want to b your friend, i do want a friendship with you one day... but right now, after finding out the lies and the deception you put upon me, i cant bare to look at you. i cant have things reminding me of the LIES you have put onto me. once i can forgive you, the pictures will go back up on my friends pictures. i will have yur stuff around my room. but until i can forgive you... i cant have any reminders, not until that day, and the day i'm completely happy with myself as well.
i want to b your friend again one day, but its not gonna happen anytime soon, not after me knowing all this. not after you lied TO MY FACE about things. about important things, about life altering things... YOU LIED. why? did it make you feel like a bigger man? or was that immaturity sinking in?
You're a great person, i know there's a great person inside of you, but SHOW IT! you hid it. you lie about it. you make yurself feel like you are nothing, when you are something you have something. you just dont know how to show it.
you can make something of yourself. and i wish i got to see that person. but i dont think i did very often. i think i caught glimpses... mayb when we are friends again one day in the future, i'll see it in you. and you'll see the real me. the me i was when we first met, the me i should have become over the years (with or without you)... i wish for all those things. but for now, i cant believe what you have done to me. andi cant believe taht my heart, and me MISSES YOU. i fuckin' miss you. but i cant stand thinking about th e lies you have told me. that you have made me feel guilty about, and really, i'm not feeling guilty anymore, i laugh now. i have to. i cant live in those lies. they are lies. nothing more. they were fake. how could you?! i dont understand it hun. i dont get it. WHY? why did yu do this to me?
i know i said a few lies, but than i would take them back. i would say another thing, and in the end, i didnt lie to make yu feel guilty about the break up. i didnt try to hide something or make something more than it was. why did you do it? did i really mean nothing? or did i realy mean something to you?
i need answers now.
you have mine.
i need to let it out now. i'm ready to burst into tears.
i wish i wasnt. i wish i didnt have these thoughts going thru my head... but fuck, i do.
I miss him. wow, i cant believe i fuckin miss him. its been about a month and a half now. and if he didnt write me that email, i think i'd still b fine. but that email, got to me. like he planned on (i now how he thinks).
i just wish he never decived me. he lied to me. over and over again, and called me a liar. at least i stepped up to the plate after a while and admitted it. i take responsibility for the things i had done (to him, to me, to our so called relationship)
but he jsut flat out played me. who knows how many times?!
i mean , dont tell me you're mvoing to new brunswick, and that you've sold your precious car. only for me to later find out that my friends, who live in the area, had seen him driving around in town. OR that fact i drove up the road the lives - in the country, and to what to my eyes behold sittin on his driveway - HIS CAR! yes, thats right. with my own eyes, i saw the lie.
if you loved me as much as you said you did, why did yu have to decieve me? make me feel guilty? make me feel like i ruined everything for you, only to know that you kept it all, that it obviously didnt ruin you. how could you. i was devasted by the whole fact. i'm still thinking about myself and how to fix myself. how to b a better person... what are you doin? apparently dating someone new, well hoenstly sorry, i dont believe that. i think its a lie, to get me going. if you did find someone new, i'm happy for you! i told you you would find someone after me. i just didnt expect this soon... b/c we were in love. b/c we did mean something to each other. i have enough respect for our relationship NOT to b dating anyone right , but to b fixing myself to see how to be in a relationship OR how to just b me alone for a while longer. honestly i'm not evening thinkin about dating anyone right now. i have respect for what we had... you obviously dont. you dont think you need to fix yourself. well buddie, you got a TON of SHIT yu need to work on. you shouldnt b dating anyone. you should b fixing yourself. thanxs for the respect. i appreciate it.
also, you've been deleted ... not b/c i dont want to b your friend, i do want a friendship with you one day... but right now, after finding out the lies and the deception you put upon me, i cant bare to look at you. i cant have things reminding me of the LIES you have put onto me. once i can forgive you, the pictures will go back up on my friends pictures. i will have yur stuff around my room. but until i can forgive you... i cant have any reminders, not until that day, and the day i'm completely happy with myself as well.
i want to b your friend again one day, but its not gonna happen anytime soon, not after me knowing all this. not after you lied TO MY FACE about things. about important things, about life altering things... YOU LIED. why? did it make you feel like a bigger man? or was that immaturity sinking in?
You're a great person, i know there's a great person inside of you, but SHOW IT! you hid it. you lie about it. you make yurself feel like you are nothing, when you are something you have something. you just dont know how to show it.
you can make something of yourself. and i wish i got to see that person. but i dont think i did very often. i think i caught glimpses... mayb when we are friends again one day in the future, i'll see it in you. and you'll see the real me. the me i was when we first met, the me i should have become over the years (with or without you)... i wish for all those things. but for now, i cant believe what you have done to me. andi cant believe taht my heart, and me MISSES YOU. i fuckin' miss you. but i cant stand thinking about th e lies you have told me. that you have made me feel guilty about, and really, i'm not feeling guilty anymore, i laugh now. i have to. i cant live in those lies. they are lies. nothing more. they were fake. how could you?! i dont understand it hun. i dont get it. WHY? why did yu do this to me?
i know i said a few lies, but than i would take them back. i would say another thing, and in the end, i didnt lie to make yu feel guilty about the break up. i didnt try to hide something or make something more than it was. why did you do it? did i really mean nothing? or did i realy mean something to you?
i need answers now.
you have mine.