My horoscope did say that this was a week for romance...
So, last night I was at Otto's Shrunken Head, a tiki bar in the Village. I was there to see my friend's band that plays there every Monday. When I walked in, I noticed something was awry. There were madd peeps, and food on the tables in the back. It was a birthday party! Many of the attendee's were into the Burlesque scene?? And from what I saw last night, I don't think I want to ever see any of it ever again, haha. I mean, they were the kind of people...like for example, the birthday boy had a cowboy hat with those Hot Topic-esque flames on the sides. like CMON. Okay, so at one point I started to freak out to the guy who DJ's there about how "The Lizard Man" was at the bar. I saw him on this show once on the Discovery channel or something with other characters such as himself, like Tiger Man, Cat Woman, you know... SO, at one point I notice that Lizard was looking at me, and I was just like, "Oh no...Lizard Man is totally going to talk to me at some point" as he walked by and smiled. So I was sitting down, watching the band and drinking some booze, and who sits down next to me?? None other than Lizard Man. The conversation that ensued went a lil somthin like dis:
LM: Hey, how are you doing? What's your name?
ME: Good...I'm Kristie, what's your name?
LM: Lizard.
ME: Oh...yeah, I've seen you on tv before.
Then "Lizard" goes into something about how they use him on TV shows blahblah, and I'm like - yo what you doing in nyc? and he's all like- i'm doing crazy stunts in between bands tomorrow night at Irving Plaza- you know feeling pain- getting lit on fire, swallowing swords, having things thrown at me to make me feel pain. and I'm all like, "COOL WHATEVER MAN, WHATEVER FLOATS YR BOAT!" At one point I couldn't really see the band, so I sat on the chair on my knees, and Lizard put his arm on the chair and I think he was trying to touch my leg or something totally not kosher? So I did an obvious shift over.
He then started to talk to the DJ more about comedy clubs in Arizona or something, and LIZZY eventually got up and left.
So, every time after that when I walked by him he would say some comment, or "hi", or some lame ass bullshit. And then at one point when I was making my way outside to talk on the phone and do other things, LZ grabs me by the waist and says, "SHE LOOKS REALLY INTERESTING" and I was like, "UM...I HAVETO GO OUTSIDE TO DO THINGS, BYE!" and jetted. After that, LM wasn't bothering me really. However, at one point I was talking to a man who is in a Devo cover band called Deva and kept on talking about wanting to leave and go to a gay club and while we were talking a man comes up to me that I don't know and gives me a hug and I go, "Um...hi?" And he eventually invites us to sit at a table, where he proceeded to discreetly snort coke, and tell me that he is talking to the cutest girl in the bar, and then I proceed to tell him that the bass player I am actually there to see is my b/f- LIES!!!!
He wasn't too interested in that, and Devo guy and I leave, and then Devo guy proceeds to tell me that he is actually a cop who patrols city parks at night [this being after I say I'm only 20 years old and when he saw the guy do coke at the table] and how he thought it was funny that the guy did coke in front of him because of that and how most of the parties he goes to are broken up by cops. I gave him my e-mail address, WHO AM I?!?!
Later on, Lizard is back on the scene, doing a lot of fake humping with his testosterone filled buddies. Except it was extremely intense and violent and my friend and I stood there like wtf wtf but laughing.
ALL IN ALL, A GOOD NIGHT!!
WHY IS MY LIFE SO GOOD? AT LEAST I KNOW TO NEVER GO NEAR ANY BURLESQUE EVENTS.
OH AND AT SOME POINT THIS BURLESQUE DANCER LITERALLY TOOK OFF ALL HER CLOTHES WHEN THE BAND COVERING NELLY SAID "IT'S GETTING HOT IN HEA' SO TAKE OFF ALL YO CLOTHES" SHE DANCED TOPLESS AND DID SPLITS. WTF?!
LM: Hey, how are you doing? What's your name?
ME: Good...I'm Kristie, what's your name?
LM: Lizard.
ME: Oh...yeah, I've seen you on tv before.
Then "Lizard" goes into something about how they use him on TV shows blahblah, and I'm like - yo what you doing in nyc? and he's all like- i'm doing crazy stunts in between bands tomorrow night at Irving Plaza- you know feeling pain- getting lit on fire, swallowing swords, having things thrown at me to make me feel pain. and I'm all like, "COOL WHATEVER MAN, WHATEVER FLOATS YR BOAT!" At one point I couldn't really see the band, so I sat on the chair on my knees, and Lizard put his arm on the chair and I think he was trying to touch my leg or something totally not kosher? So I did an obvious shift over.
He then started to talk to the DJ more about comedy clubs in Arizona or something, and LIZZY eventually got up and left.
So, every time after that when I walked by him he would say some comment, or "hi", or some lame ass bullshit. And then at one point when I was making my way outside to talk on the phone and do other things, LZ grabs me by the waist and says, "SHE LOOKS REALLY INTERESTING" and I was like, "UM...I HAVETO GO OUTSIDE TO DO THINGS, BYE!" and jetted. After that, LM wasn't bothering me really. However, at one point I was talking to a man who is in a Devo cover band called Deva and kept on talking about wanting to leave and go to a gay club and while we were talking a man comes up to me that I don't know and gives me a hug and I go, "Um...hi?" And he eventually invites us to sit at a table, where he proceeded to discreetly snort coke, and tell me that he is talking to the cutest girl in the bar, and then I proceed to tell him that the bass player I am actually there to see is my b/f- LIES!!!!
He wasn't too interested in that, and Devo guy and I leave, and then Devo guy proceeds to tell me that he is actually a cop who patrols city parks at night [this being after I say I'm only 20 years old and when he saw the guy do coke at the table] and how he thought it was funny that the guy did coke in front of him because of that and how most of the parties he goes to are broken up by cops. I gave him my e-mail address, WHO AM I?!?!
Later on, Lizard is back on the scene, doing a lot of fake humping with his testosterone filled buddies. Except it was extremely intense and violent and my friend and I stood there like wtf wtf but laughing.
ALL IN ALL, A GOOD NIGHT!!
WHY IS MY LIFE SO GOOD? AT LEAST I KNOW TO NEVER GO NEAR ANY BURLESQUE EVENTS.
OH AND AT SOME POINT THIS BURLESQUE DANCER LITERALLY TOOK OFF ALL HER CLOTHES WHEN THE BAND COVERING NELLY SAID "IT'S GETTING HOT IN HEA' SO TAKE OFF ALL YO CLOTHES" SHE DANCED TOPLESS AND DID SPLITS. WTF?!