Alexandria: 1/17/07

Jan 18, 2007 11:10

Argent answered the phone, it was late and he was somewhere crowded. "What happened?" he asked evenly.

"I am so sorry..." I tried not to cry, it didn't work, but I tried.

"What's going on?" Again, even tone, even voice, no emotion, not anymore.

"I know that you're dealing with things... much more important... but... I'm so sorry. We were just hanging out and watching a movie and talking and .... the talking led to..." It sounded so trivial saying it, so unimportant except to me. "... not all but close and I wanted to tell you bcause I am so sorry... I dont' want to lie or keep secrets from you. We never have." It was true, we had no secrets.

"You don't have to worry." The response was quick and still even, maybe even relieved.

"... I... I don't?" Her heart sank. He didn't care. Not that she wanted to be in trouble or jeopardize their relationship but some form of emotion would have been lovely.

"I'm not angry." I wanted him to be, I wanted him to show me something, any emotion was better than the cold indifference. "I know you. I know that in order for anything to even get close to happening, you'd have to have opened yourself up to caring for another. Now, if the other one was just trying to manipulate you, I'm sure he and I will have a long chat." I froze with that answer, froze solid and cracked wide open. He didn't think I was capabe of caring for anyone. Not caring. Cold.

The only thing that she could think to say was "I'm glad you trust me."

"With my life." That's how he operated. He didn't love and not love. He didn't care and not care. He wasn't warm like that. No passion. No fire. She missed the fire. He operated under those he trusts and those he does't. Am I supposed to be content in our relationship knowing I made the short list?
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