"I fell in love with a stripper...
she poppin she rollin she rollin she climbin that pole..." T-pain
No this isn't the blog where I tell you T-pain is right I have indeed fell in love with a stripper...oh no it's about my first expeirence at a gentlemen's club. be prepared to laugh...
The fine establishment of Platnium Plus welcomed myself and my two brother's roommates, Timmy and Brian. I guess this came to be because of my doing. You see, I was asked the question where would I like to go to get my drink on. My reply was " just as long as there are booze...I really don't care." WRONG FUCKING ANSWER! I knew that Plat (as it is going affectionetly called by regulars) was where they were heading to. You see my "brothers" are regulars no not for the lap dances okay well maybe for the lap dances but because they know a lot of the bartenders working there. They are 20 something year old girls who have I guess slept around with my "brothers". Classy-ness just runs in our family veins I suppose. I digress...
If you know me I'm all about being open and doing whatever...i'm a laid back person. So when I walked into the door and there was a bouncer and he said I looked 12 I knew it was going to be a night of fun. You know I'm a girl...it reeked of that girl smell. you know that nasty ew I got laid last night and I haven't showered in like 10 hours.. yea girls you know the one. I looked past that though and right onto the stage. I knew what i was going to see. BOOBS and ASS. okay fine I thought girls had to be like a certain look and or weight requirement to be a stripper. I didn't know men really like the 20 something year old who's butt looks like two pringle chips and has the fat belly they can't suck in. Well let me tell you i was wrong. Apprently these girls get paid 40 bucks for a lap dance...couldn't that 40 bucks go to oh i don't know...um a gym membership? just a thought.
Now I have heard of this establishment before from some of my past co-worker and or my ex lover. In fact we almost went there on new year's...yes couples really do go to strip clubs together. There were tons. There was also a lot of middle aged married men creepily touching the dancers. You know I'm sure if I was in a situation where I needed money and there was just no hope I had to strip i would...but then again I don't know I could deal with the creepy drunk dudes with mullets and beards man handling me. I was waiting for the bush-man (no pun intended) from to catch a predator to come out of nowhere and just take down the old men. And girls how the hell do you stand all day long walking around in those shoes? i want to stab someone at the end of the day when i wear my heels to work. props. also ladies your dancing skills...superb. who ever thought dancing around a pole and taking your top off would require talent.I would have to say the music was pretty lousy too. although i guess I've never really had my own personal song playing when i've taken my top off. I should try ..i probably could get some money out of it. haha.
I guess you are think what an ackweird situation. going to a strip club with a group of guys. They got a kick out of all the remarks I had to make. For instance did you know that the strippers main job is to do whatever to please the men customers. That includes walking around the bar without a bra on and a thong (is that sanitary?), lap dances, and grabbing of the crotch. yes i typed it. the crotch grab...oh and it happened right in front of me. My first reaction...pissing my pants with laughter i was literally on the floor laughing my ass off. The stripper did not like this and gave me a dirty look. 1. a stripper giving you a dirty look is the most hilarious thing because well she looks dirty 24-7 and 2. i made the statement to her " wow girl i don't grab crotch till the 3rd date...and that's if you're lucky and i'm drunk"...to then she walked off and my brothers pissed themselves. Then my real brother stated that from now on he will have to break my hands when he knows i'm on a third date. touche.
I don't know how many times my arms and or shoulder (yes shoulder some of these girls might have been men and or former basketball players and or just really really tall bitches) but their boobs kept brushing me. Not because I was like hey girl hey or because they wanted to show me a good time....but because they kept reaching for a rubber band in a cup on the bar so they could put their hair in a pony tail. By the end of the night I stole all those fucking rubber bands. Fuck those bitches and their pony tails.
in the end i had won a free round of drinks...because i screamed the loudest something about scream really loud if you like it doggy style and we'll buy a round of drinks for you...hahaha i thought it was hilarious. so i did. the mcee nicknamed me young blood and was fucking hilarious. He kept saying random shit in the microphone you know like dirty shit. "YELL IF YOU WANT TO GET LAID TO NIGHT" MIssion was accomplished though I was completely drunk and the lovely bouncer carried me to the car. I'd go back. well once this rash goes away. haha just kidding. but seriously...i woke up this morning smelling of smoke and skank. it's a was pleasant night. I'm glad it was with the people I was with. I don't know if i would have been so hilarious if id gone with someone else. So major props to the ruff riders for taking me there! yea i think we're going back this weekend. i'll take some hand sanitizer.