how?? and wtf..

[lilpp]

yesterday i had a conversation with my mother about the fact that she doesnt trust me, i asked her crying and heart broken why the fuck she was such a bitch!! how the fuck could i tell the parents that where never there for me to fuck off? how should i tell them that i dont want to be apart of them i dont want there help i want to be on my own. my mothers reply for being a bitch is frustration and anger towards the fact that im never home, she says she wants to keep me and my sister as close as she possibly can and as long as she possibly can. she says im too young to move out. this, i think is a side effect of not ever being effectionate and feeling guilty for all the times shes never been there for me.i dont know what to think of my mothers response, and im sorry for not loving my parents as i as much as i should. is that right? should i be doing this or saying this?.my adopted parents have been there for me for so long that i dont know how to respond to any emotion from my real parents...i dont know what to do this is all so fuckin histerical to me.

in other news that amuses me i spoke to jon yesterday and where gonna hang out on friday and see that scary movie by rob zombie. i hope to enjoy it. and i dont have to deal with so many bills because im bowing my head in shame and im hoping my parents wont leave me alone with hospital bills. hmmmm bitter sweet