The power of letting go
It's funny how I revert back to the past so much. I dont quite know if it is funny, or more pathetic. In anycase, I'm reminded of the past with the present. I see so many things that broke my heart with Matthew repeating itself with Ryan. I suppose I am blessed to have gone through that so early because now I'm dealing with it a lot better. I remember waking up and not wanting to do anything when Matthew left. With Ryan, however, I am more mature, I am more able to simply keep my head in the air and accept that he might not be the one for me. I was heart broken for the first couple of days, but if it is my cards to have him in my life than so be it. Otherwise I shall have to move on. There is, afterall, probably something else out there that would be better for me.
For now I am going to separate myself from Ryan, explore my options, and not rely on him coming back, because there are so many uncertainties when it comes to him. I feel as though there is no hope when it comes to him, simply because he gives me no reason to believe that they might be hope to hang onto. I believe in love more than I believe in anything, but sometimes to love someone you must let them go, sometimes to love yourself you must stop loving that which can only bring you hurt and pain, sometimes you have to look out for your own well being.
I am the kind of person who is motivated by compassion and by acts of kindness, I often times look out for others interests over my own, and I am finding that this can be detrimental. I shall be strong and deal with all of this one step at a time. I can do this, I shall be the person I used to be in the respect that I can be happy once more. I no longer have this cloud over my head, I am no longer attached, I am free.
I suppose all I needed was for my heart to bleed, even if it was for a little while, I needed to feel that sense of numbness once more to overpower that sense of complete distress, hatred, and dissapointment. Although I hate what Ryan has become I can see how this is going to be a good thing for me. He has taught me a lot about myself in the past ten months. If anything I cannot be mad at him, but glad that I can once again spread my wings and fly, I can be the wind beneath my own wings, I am no longer being towed along.
For now I am going to separate myself from Ryan, explore my options, and not rely on him coming back, because there are so many uncertainties when it comes to him. I feel as though there is no hope when it comes to him, simply because he gives me no reason to believe that they might be hope to hang onto. I believe in love more than I believe in anything, but sometimes to love someone you must let them go, sometimes to love yourself you must stop loving that which can only bring you hurt and pain, sometimes you have to look out for your own well being.
I am the kind of person who is motivated by compassion and by acts of kindness, I often times look out for others interests over my own, and I am finding that this can be detrimental. I shall be strong and deal with all of this one step at a time. I can do this, I shall be the person I used to be in the respect that I can be happy once more. I no longer have this cloud over my head, I am no longer attached, I am free.
I suppose all I needed was for my heart to bleed, even if it was for a little while, I needed to feel that sense of numbness once more to overpower that sense of complete distress, hatred, and dissapointment. Although I hate what Ryan has become I can see how this is going to be a good thing for me. He has taught me a lot about myself in the past ten months. If anything I cannot be mad at him, but glad that I can once again spread my wings and fly, I can be the wind beneath my own wings, I am no longer being towed along.