Mar 06, 2006 17:25
so...i'm not gonna lie. things have not been better. they haven't been worse. they've stayed in the shitty middle spot for quite some time. i'm too scared to say anything. i know, pathetic, but i really am. i always said people change, life goes on blah blah but i never actually thought things would change so drastically for me. i'm doing things i said i'd never do, i'm someone i don't want to be. i'm really trying to change and it's honestly one of the biggest struggles ever. cleared things up w/a certain someone. they don't seem interested to keep a friendship going. it was their choice, i let it out there, cleared things up, put the ball in their court. i feel better and could care less if we remained friends or not. for another someone, it sounds like they have made their mind up about where they want to be with me. they hate me. as much as i want them back as a friend, i don't think it's going to happen, because i'm scared and because they hate me. but like i've said before, i look back and now, unfortunately too late, realize that they were my best friend. no one else was like them so i guess i never really had anyone to look after and learn from. well now, too late, i've learned from them, and i've learned how to be a really really good friend.
it really sucks how everything turned out.
on the bright side-i've been hanging out with john, brad, and bryan a lot more and i love how they keep my mind off of things and make me laugh.