Second Thoughts
and yet i can't deal with the firsts.
Tomorrow i talk to that therapist, i haven't outright said whats on my mind. i get tongue tied and seemingly old issues come back full speed making me think maybe this talk stuff isn't what i need. but if i am to go through with that irreversible choice i should probably be pretty solid.
I want more time to myself.
I'm feeling more at ease.
new friends.
community.
that fake drill was fun. and I'm glad i work for a place that talks about race, even if it might be uncomfortable. they held strong with the affinity groups because the white folks didn't find it useful and the people of color said actually, this is worthwhile, we can't have a big group discussion without this time and space, it makes me feel safe. I like that the white majority didn't get to call how it was gonna go down, that the facilitator held strong in understanding the importance. that even if only for a short while roles were reversed.
but then someone said something along the lines of maybe we should work up to this, start with something like gender, that would be more clear.
i didn't speak up. i want to. i am afraid.
Tomorrow i talk to that therapist, i haven't outright said whats on my mind. i get tongue tied and seemingly old issues come back full speed making me think maybe this talk stuff isn't what i need. but if i am to go through with that irreversible choice i should probably be pretty solid.
I want more time to myself.
I'm feeling more at ease.
new friends.
community.
that fake drill was fun. and I'm glad i work for a place that talks about race, even if it might be uncomfortable. they held strong with the affinity groups because the white folks didn't find it useful and the people of color said actually, this is worthwhile, we can't have a big group discussion without this time and space, it makes me feel safe. I like that the white majority didn't get to call how it was gonna go down, that the facilitator held strong in understanding the importance. that even if only for a short while roles were reversed.
but then someone said something along the lines of maybe we should work up to this, start with something like gender, that would be more clear.
i didn't speak up. i want to. i am afraid.