Not Sure What To Call This One... Peanut Butter Jelly Time??
Well, I suppose I should update some things.
There's been a recent death in the family. If you ask me about it, I will look you in the face and say, "It happens. It can't be undone. We must accept it and move forward." You will agree and think that I am rather cold about the whole thing.
My step-mom will agree that I appear to be the master of my emotions. Then she will start to point out the "tells" that give me away as being more deeply affected than I appear. I always feel like I am being harshly judged for my lack of dramatics. I know it isn't true of those who know and love me so I shouldn't worry about it, but to to quote SEVERAL people lately, I "think too much."
Steve and I are through, again. This time I think it will be different from the other times. He actually asked Heather how to make me go away and stop sending him titillating pictures of me. Since he can't seem to say it to my face, it's hard to tell, but I think he might be saying that he doesn't want me. I refuse to fuck where I'm not wanted. So, if he decides that my silence is too much and wants to "hang out," I can safely say that I will stick to my guns about not having another "last time." I don't need a pity fuck.
Heh. That was a tell by the way. I have been unreasonably focused on silly shit like Steve and rearranging my living room. I've also spent an inordinately large amount of time babbling at people about the same thing that I babbled at them a half hour ago. I know that I'm a natural babbler. (Mom should have named me Brook.) But this babbling is extraordinary even for me.
I drop into bed exhausted and climb out just as exhausted. When I wake up in the middle of the night, my heart is racing and I'm practically panting for breath. While this could be considered normal, I'll remind you that I am sleeping alone.
*Deep sigh* I'm going to bed now. Funeral and all the fun that that entails is tomorrow.
Oh, I just realized, I didn't say who. It is my son's cousin. The baby sister of the cousin who lived with me for a few years. All I want to say as far as details is that she was young (15), and it was sudden and unexpected.
There's been a recent death in the family. If you ask me about it, I will look you in the face and say, "It happens. It can't be undone. We must accept it and move forward." You will agree and think that I am rather cold about the whole thing.
My step-mom will agree that I appear to be the master of my emotions. Then she will start to point out the "tells" that give me away as being more deeply affected than I appear. I always feel like I am being harshly judged for my lack of dramatics. I know it isn't true of those who know and love me so I shouldn't worry about it, but to to quote SEVERAL people lately, I "think too much."
Steve and I are through, again. This time I think it will be different from the other times. He actually asked Heather how to make me go away and stop sending him titillating pictures of me. Since he can't seem to say it to my face, it's hard to tell, but I think he might be saying that he doesn't want me. I refuse to fuck where I'm not wanted. So, if he decides that my silence is too much and wants to "hang out," I can safely say that I will stick to my guns about not having another "last time." I don't need a pity fuck.
Heh. That was a tell by the way. I have been unreasonably focused on silly shit like Steve and rearranging my living room. I've also spent an inordinately large amount of time babbling at people about the same thing that I babbled at them a half hour ago. I know that I'm a natural babbler. (Mom should have named me Brook.) But this babbling is extraordinary even for me.
I drop into bed exhausted and climb out just as exhausted. When I wake up in the middle of the night, my heart is racing and I'm practically panting for breath. While this could be considered normal, I'll remind you that I am sleeping alone.
*Deep sigh* I'm going to bed now. Funeral and all the fun that that entails is tomorrow.
Oh, I just realized, I didn't say who. It is my son's cousin. The baby sister of the cousin who lived with me for a few years. All I want to say as far as details is that she was young (15), and it was sudden and unexpected.