Paused...
Well, I’m at a forced standstill waiting for this download. So, I guess I’ll post.
Lately, I’ve been signing on, checking my mail and signing off. I have to go to my sister’s to do it. So, I can only get on every few days or so. Things just kind of are. So, I’ve been avoiding updates as much as possible.
My roommate is a God send. She has paid the electric bill and put two new tires on my car this week. So, even though everything is over due, except for the cable, nothing is off or out of commission.
I got a new job. This is said in a matter of fact tone because I’m not sure that I’m proud of where I work yet. I’m also not entirely sure that I can afford to work there. I’m making 10.25 and hour and working 48 hours a week with the promise of a 0.25 raise after probation is over. That is a pathetic amount unless I tell you that they pay overtime for anything over forty hours. Even then, it’s iffy. On the bright side, he hired me into the second position from the bottom and is confident that I’ll have a job equivalent to his within a short time. Beyond that, the store is moving closer to my house at the end of next month, and the District Manager will be working out of our store. So, I should be recognized for promotion that much sooner. We’ll see. It is only my 3rd day after all.
I made and lost a new friend within sixty days. She started hanging out with me on the Fourth of July. We managed to go out somewhere every week, and then she moved to Las Vegas yesterday. Things didn’t work out for her here. So, she moved to find a better opportunity.
I need to set my mind on the man thing. I’m making everyone around me crazy while I’m letting him lead me by the nose. Heather keeps telling me that he’s an ass at relationships, and I should just give up. She said he absolutely doted on his ex-wife, and he’s never going to do that for me. Heather also said that she never wants me to ask her about him again. Robin hates how I let him lead me around by my emotions. I’ve tried to explain to her that he doesn’t abuse me in any way that I don’t let him. She says that he is just taking advantage even if I am allowing it. Paula is withholding judgment. She hasn’t met him yet. She also knows that I’ll do as I please regardless of what she says. She knows that I mostly talk to her about that man to organize my thoughts and get reassurance or reinforcement.
Anyway, I compared my attitudes toward this man to an addiction. He makes me feel good when I’m with him. The endorphins from that good feeling usually carry me through a couple of days. However, he doesn’t need or want me anymore for a while after that. So, gradually, my euphoria starts to decline. First, I get impatient to feel good again. Then, I get grumpy because he doesn’t call. Then I get depressed when he still doesn’t call. Finally, I snap out of it and decided never to do that again. After that, he calls, and I want to have those good feelings again. So, I run right over, and the cycle begins again. It’s been a year. When will I think enough is enough?