(no subject)
As the days draw closer and closer to Saturday, all I can think about is my dead cousin and grandfather. Everytime I close my eyes, I see home movies in my head. Everytime I close my eyes, and while I love the home movies, it's so sad, becuase instead of seeing Pop-pop or Karen's face, I just see this black shiloutte, becuase well, it's been 6 years, and I've forgotten what they look like, unless I look in a picture.
I know with time, pictures fade, but memories stay forever, and that's what I've got memories. Wonderful memories, and sad memories. And at night, I have a nightmare about the christmas out at the hunting camp, when I said something so awful to my pop-pop, that I wish I had never said. He was getting drunk, and I hated it when him or Uncle Louis'd get drunk, especially with me out there. Uncle Louis got really mean. I looked pop-pop straight in the eyes, and told him that I didn't love him, he wasn't my real grandfather. And then mom took me to grandpa's house, and the moment I stepped into his house, I felt awful for what I'd said to pop-pop. While he by birth may never have been my grandfather, he still was becuase he was there for me more than my actual grandfather, who I was looking in the eyes.
Of course I have many more great memories that involve pop-pop, but that's what haunts me. He forgave me, and we grew closer together than ever, but I can never forget the look on his face, and how it fell when those words had left my lips.
And Karen, god, she was everything I ever wanted to be, and a picture perfect role model. She had the looks, the sweet and kind heart, the love of anything and everything, straight A student, and she was always there for her family and friends. God, I remember one thanksgiving at Nana's. Nana had asked me and Karen to rake the backyard up of the leaves, becuase we always ate out there. Well, Nana used to taylor clothes, so we took one of her wire clothes thingies.. I have no clue what they're called, and we made a leaf snow man. I will never forget how much fun we had that year. And I'd always loved that.
I just really miss them soo much. Once Karen died, our family fell apart. All of the Kelly's were in shambles. Poor Aunt Billy Sue and Uncle Jonathan. They were never the same especially. -sighs- I just miss them, and it always get hard around the 24th of August to think of anything before them. So yeah, I'm gonna go and put on "With You In Your Dreams" and cry for a lil bit.
I know with time, pictures fade, but memories stay forever, and that's what I've got memories. Wonderful memories, and sad memories. And at night, I have a nightmare about the christmas out at the hunting camp, when I said something so awful to my pop-pop, that I wish I had never said. He was getting drunk, and I hated it when him or Uncle Louis'd get drunk, especially with me out there. Uncle Louis got really mean. I looked pop-pop straight in the eyes, and told him that I didn't love him, he wasn't my real grandfather. And then mom took me to grandpa's house, and the moment I stepped into his house, I felt awful for what I'd said to pop-pop. While he by birth may never have been my grandfather, he still was becuase he was there for me more than my actual grandfather, who I was looking in the eyes.
Of course I have many more great memories that involve pop-pop, but that's what haunts me. He forgave me, and we grew closer together than ever, but I can never forget the look on his face, and how it fell when those words had left my lips.
And Karen, god, she was everything I ever wanted to be, and a picture perfect role model. She had the looks, the sweet and kind heart, the love of anything and everything, straight A student, and she was always there for her family and friends. God, I remember one thanksgiving at Nana's. Nana had asked me and Karen to rake the backyard up of the leaves, becuase we always ate out there. Well, Nana used to taylor clothes, so we took one of her wire clothes thingies.. I have no clue what they're called, and we made a leaf snow man. I will never forget how much fun we had that year. And I'd always loved that.
I just really miss them soo much. Once Karen died, our family fell apart. All of the Kelly's were in shambles. Poor Aunt Billy Sue and Uncle Jonathan. They were never the same especially. -sighs- I just miss them, and it always get hard around the 24th of August to think of anything before them. So yeah, I'm gonna go and put on "With You In Your Dreams" and cry for a lil bit.