I'm ronery, so ronery and sadry arone...
I just looked back through my blog and saw so many images of friends I feel I have lost. I miss Ana, Hilda, Kim...I miss having friends. I wish I didn't have such a hard time keeping up with people. I am no good at this friend thing.
And, I know people still make an effort. Ana invites me to art night...which I am interested in, and at the same time feel awkward about. I still have a fear of going into new social situations, even if I know some people.
Hilda just wished me a happy birthday from Japan though it's literally been years since I last talked to her.
Kim and I arrange to meet for coffee or beer and conversation pretty often, and I am usually the one to drop the ball. I forget, or have my phone off, or don't feel like it and rather than having the backbone to just say "I don't want to do it anymore, can we reschedule?" I just don't call.
Lame. That's the kind of friend I am.
Why can't I make a commitment to anyone except my husband?
I want friends so badly. I can't seem to balance things. All or nothing. Black and white. No gray.
So tired of being alone and lonely. So tired of never giving to anyone, always feeling like I am taking.
I want to learn to be a friend. It's never too late, is it?
And, I know people still make an effort. Ana invites me to art night...which I am interested in, and at the same time feel awkward about. I still have a fear of going into new social situations, even if I know some people.
Hilda just wished me a happy birthday from Japan though it's literally been years since I last talked to her.
Kim and I arrange to meet for coffee or beer and conversation pretty often, and I am usually the one to drop the ball. I forget, or have my phone off, or don't feel like it and rather than having the backbone to just say "I don't want to do it anymore, can we reschedule?" I just don't call.
Lame. That's the kind of friend I am.
Why can't I make a commitment to anyone except my husband?
I want friends so badly. I can't seem to balance things. All or nothing. Black and white. No gray.
So tired of being alone and lonely. So tired of never giving to anyone, always feeling like I am taking.
I want to learn to be a friend. It's never too late, is it?