meh
I think I might be in self-destruct mode again.
well, I'll get over it, I always do.
I just can't help feeling that there has to be more to life than this. Because, if you think about it, you work fucking hard, living paycheque-to-paycheque for what? so you can do it again next month. and the next, and the next, ad infinitum. i hardly go out, partly because of stupid shifts, partly because of no money, and partly because i don't know that many people in this city. i have a crap load of student debts that i just don't earn enough to pay off. in fact, on the subject of money, i earn less than UK minimum wage, why am i staying in Canada? I can't afford to stay here, of course, I can't afford to physically move back to the UK either. And I wouldn't fit in back home any more, I"ve changed, Toronto's my home for now, maybe I'll change back but just now, I'm a Torontonian. Saying that, I miss Scotland so much, I miss my friends, I miss Edinburgh, I miss the people. I miss my Torontonian friends too for that matter, as I never see them. I suck at getting in touch with people.
meh
You know what, sometimes I wish I could just move on somewhere new, start again, but I have too much stuff, and not enough money, and I can't keep running away from myself, it doesn't solve anything and sooner or later the same personality flaws that i detest in myself will re-surface. I'm not a bad person, in fact, I'm pretty nice, I just need to believe that in myself. I don't know why I don't. Well, I do know why I don't, but you can't let crap from years ago affect how you live your adult life, right? so i need to accept and deal and all the rest of it.
on a happier note, i got tickets to see Snow Patrol today (hopefully they'll go through....) and I'm going to be making hash brownies soon, so that'll be fun :)
well, I'll get over it, I always do.
I just can't help feeling that there has to be more to life than this. Because, if you think about it, you work fucking hard, living paycheque-to-paycheque for what? so you can do it again next month. and the next, and the next, ad infinitum. i hardly go out, partly because of stupid shifts, partly because of no money, and partly because i don't know that many people in this city. i have a crap load of student debts that i just don't earn enough to pay off. in fact, on the subject of money, i earn less than UK minimum wage, why am i staying in Canada? I can't afford to stay here, of course, I can't afford to physically move back to the UK either. And I wouldn't fit in back home any more, I"ve changed, Toronto's my home for now, maybe I'll change back but just now, I'm a Torontonian. Saying that, I miss Scotland so much, I miss my friends, I miss Edinburgh, I miss the people. I miss my Torontonian friends too for that matter, as I never see them. I suck at getting in touch with people.
meh
You know what, sometimes I wish I could just move on somewhere new, start again, but I have too much stuff, and not enough money, and I can't keep running away from myself, it doesn't solve anything and sooner or later the same personality flaws that i detest in myself will re-surface. I'm not a bad person, in fact, I'm pretty nice, I just need to believe that in myself. I don't know why I don't. Well, I do know why I don't, but you can't let crap from years ago affect how you live your adult life, right? so i need to accept and deal and all the rest of it.
on a happier note, i got tickets to see Snow Patrol today (hopefully they'll go through....) and I'm going to be making hash brownies soon, so that'll be fun :)